Mount Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 I do...:confused: Basically I ask MM fixing all the stuff in my home...And he loves to do the kind of work as well.
Owl Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 I thought you were ending things with him? If so...do you still ask him to do things for you? 1
Author Mount Posted October 10, 2012 Author Posted October 10, 2012 Not completely ending yet...try to detach bit by bit. I thought you were ending things with him? If so...do you still ask him to do things for you?
SecretFlower Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 I don't really remember asking ex-MM to do things for me. I mean he took me out and bought me presents, but I never demanded a car or money like people assume OW do. I never needed him to "fix" things, but I guess he would do things for me. Once, early in our relationship there was a guy I had dated briefly who was a bit strange and insistent that he loved me. It got a bit intense I suppose and ex-MM handled it for me. Needless to say the guy never bothered me again.
wanting more Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 I never asked but he did things Once I said something about needing to go get tires for my car and he came into work and got my keys and went had them out on. I tried to not say things I needed because he would go buy it. Although he loved giving me gifts. Really nice gifts.
hermione08 Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 Once I was burgled and my computer, phone and camera were stolen. He offered to buy new ones for me, but I declined. He bought the cell phone and the camera anyway. He usually is not one for buying presents, so that was a big thing for him Pity that it was not what I wanted.
whichwayisup Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 I do...:confused: Basically I ask MM fixing all the stuff in my home...And he loves to do the kind of work as well. Start relying on other family members, male friends, even a neighbour to help you out around your house, outside jobs, fixing this and that. Detaching from MM includes not relying on him to help you out at home.
Author Mount Posted October 10, 2012 Author Posted October 10, 2012 Are you saying single man is more frugal when dating a woman/GF? They shouldn't though, why? That is first time I heard that conclusion. Unlike single men, married men do not mind spending money on the women they are seeing.
wanting more Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 Unlike single men, married men do not mind spending money on the women they are seeing. I think this is true
Tenacity Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 Are you saying single man is more frugal when dating a woman/GF? They shouldn't though, why? That is first time I heard that conclusion. I continue to be amazed at all the statements of fact (or perhaps 'fact') spewed forth by this person on every topic discussed... he must have access to a lot of research data. Care to share where you find the data to back up these facts Pierre? Unbiased research data I mean... not just from posts on LS (I am a researcher so am curious about these things). 1
Author Mount Posted October 11, 2012 Author Posted October 11, 2012 (edited) What if the MM is a poor MM, he has no money, then what he supposes to do with his OW, according to Pierre :laugh::laugh: And most OWs here I have observed, are more into emotional (or you can say delusional) connection, rather than attacted by the wealthy of the MM though. I continue to be amazed at all the statements of fact (or perhaps 'fact') spewed forth by this person on every topic discussed... he must have access to a lot of research data. Care to share where you find the data to back up these facts Pierre? Unbiased research data I mean... not just from posts on LS (I am a researcher so am curious about these things). Edited October 11, 2012 by Mount
Tenacity Posted October 11, 2012 Posted October 11, 2012 And most OWs here I have observed, are more into emotional (or you can say delusional) connection, rather than attacted by the wealthy of the MM though. That is true for me. I am much more financially well off than ex-MM... it was never about money. He coud not afford to pay bills, let alone give me gifts. I never wanted gifts... I have what I need in terms of material possessions. But yes, he used to do a great deal for me in other helping ways that I needed.
Author Mount Posted October 11, 2012 Author Posted October 11, 2012 :eek: Oh My, really? So is he deep in debt? Which means in certain way he is not responsible though:confused: That is true for me. I am much more financially well off than ex-MM... it was never about money. He coud not afford to pay bills, let alone give me gifts. I never wanted gifts... I have what I need in terms of material possessions. But yes, he used to do a great deal for me in other helping ways that I needed.
2sure Posted October 11, 2012 Posted October 11, 2012 In my personal experience as OW , MM are more likely to buy extravagant gifts and be more generous than single men. For example...Because MM cannot be there for every Saturday night dates like single man...he does what he can do instead , to show he cares. Maybe take OW on a nice vacation, buy a car, pay tuition. MM has restrictions that SM does not. His wife has his time, his home, his children, and possibly love. He gives to OW what he has available to give her, and many times that is gifts. Given that SOW is willing to be patient with his restrictions, be alone at times she doesn't want to, and can't count on him in general...I can't imagine being OW, even madly in love, and not receiving things from MM to make my life more comfortable in other respects. What for?
Tenacity Posted October 11, 2012 Posted October 11, 2012 :eek: Oh My, really? So is he deep in debt? Which means in certain way he is not responsible though:confused: No, it just means he has the wrong job experience in a bad economy.
Author Mount Posted October 11, 2012 Author Posted October 11, 2012 To answer your "what for" question - you forgot one thing that OW is getting from MM, that is also what I observed here, ATTENTION. I notice lots of OWs said here, no people give them attention before the A, so what they struggle with or addicted with, is that attention from the MM. You can say, OWs are low self-esteem...etc, and I notice they might want to hold on that piece of attention or so-called "love", would be willing to contribute themselves at $0 price to MM. In my personal experience as OW , MM are more likely to buy extravagant gifts and be more generous than single men. For example...Because MM cannot be there for every Saturday night dates like single man...he does what he can do instead , to show he cares. Maybe take OW on a nice vacation, buy a car, pay tuition. MM has restrictions that SM does not. His wife has his time, his home, his children, and possibly love. He gives to OW what he has available to give her, and many times that is gifts. Given that SOW is willing to be patient with his restrictions, be alone at times she doesn't want to, and can't count on him in general...I can't imagine being OW, even madly in love, and not receiving things from MM to make my life more comfortable in other respects. What for?[/QUOTE]
Tenacity Posted October 11, 2012 Posted October 11, 2012 In my personal experience as OW , MM are more likely to buy extravagant gifts and be more generous than single men. For example...Because MM cannot be there for every Saturday night dates like single man...he does what he can do instead , to show he cares. Maybe take OW on a nice vacation, buy a car, pay tuition. MM has restrictions that SM does not. His wife has his time, his home, his children, and possibly love. He gives to OW what he has available to give her, and many times that is gifts. Given that SOW is willing to be patient with his restrictions, be alone at times she doesn't want to, and can't count on him in general...I can't imagine being OW, even madly in love, and not receiving things from MM to make my life more comfortable in other respects. What for? The way your word your post (and the way almost everyone else here does), which is "in my personal experience" or something along those lines, is exactly appropriate, and was my point in my earlier post. It is much different than a statement such as this: "Unlike single men, married men do not mind spending money on the women they are seeing". The latter implies proven fact. It is a pet peeve of mine because of my training. The risk is that people will take such statements as fact in a general, overall sense (since that is what it inappropriately states!) when the reality is that the statement is based one person's perception. A statement like this (unless it can be unequivocally proven by research) should be preceded with "In my experience...." or "From what I have seen here on LS..." so that people can put it in the appropriate perspective. One person's opinion.... or even one person's perception of posts on LS (which are NOT representative of all A's out there) are not in any way 'fact'. The only time the latter statements should be made is when they can be proven as unbiased fact, via research... otherwise it is just an opinion by a person who hopes that others will perceive it as fact. Your statement may be true for most people... I honesty don't know. It isn't true for me. To me it would be weird for anyone to buy me a car or anything along those lines... I have always done those things for myself. I am a physician by training, with an advanced degree in clinical research, and most men seem to expect me to be the one to do that (actually to ex-MM's credit, I think he was the only one who refused to ever take a gift from me... he was very non-materialistic).
2sure Posted October 11, 2012 Posted October 11, 2012 I've thought about simply putting a disclaimer under my signature, something explaining that anything I say is just my opinion, my experience. I think of this forum as an on going conversation, not a list of statements. In a conversation, we can add inflection, faces, body language...but also, we don't mistake someone's opinion for scientific research simply because they didn't say "I think...". But yeah, I get what you're saying and really it is more polite. I have noted members in scientific professions are more sticklers about it. 2
Tenacity Posted October 11, 2012 Posted October 11, 2012 (edited) I've thought about simply putting a disclaimer under my signature, something explaining that anything I say is just my opinion, my experience. I think of this forum as an on going conversation, not a list of statements. In a conversation, we can add inflection, faces, body language...but also, we don't mistake someone's opinion for scientific research simply because they didn't say "I think...". But yeah, I get what you're saying and really it is more polite. I have noted members in scientific professions are more sticklers about it. I think we all know these are just opinions for all of us (most of us). It is the tone of certain posts and wording which makes the difference... people who seem to think that they are the be-all and know-all authority on everything... that gets to me. Otherwise it doesn't bother me and I don't notice it. Edited October 11, 2012 by Tenacity 1
Sauron Posted October 11, 2012 Posted October 11, 2012 I like taking care of my OW and feel an obligation to do so, and she has never ask me for anything in the last 7 years. She has needs other than emotional needs, although I take care of those as well. If she needs tires I get tires, if she needs work done I make arrangments to get it done, if she wants a flat screen I get her one, her PC needs to be upgraded I get her a new one, she wants to go see her family across the country I buy plane tickets, etc. I think if you look through history men of means that have mistress's always take care of them. At first she was hesitant to take anything from me. Probably because she didn't want to be thought of as being bought. But if she is giving me her time, attention, sex and an alternative realtionship she deserves to be taken care of to the best of my ability. Of course I also take care of my wife, who is not nearly as appreciative as OW. 2
Got it Posted October 11, 2012 Posted October 11, 2012 I think what someone does for another also is determined by their love language or the SO's love language. For some it would be gifts of service, for others gifts of gifts. While I "got" things (thinking back) what I remember most are the acts of service and the trips we took. I am not a "gift" person so buying me things, while nice, never impacts me as much as someone jumping in to do something that will make my life easier. He has bought me a diamond bracelet. I like it a lot, wear it every day, but I think it has a bigger impact on him than me. I love it because he gave it to me not because I was necessarily craving a diamond bracelet. Similar is the engagement ring, much more than what I would have picked out or had in the past but I love the work that he put into it, I love that he designed it, and I love how much it means to him. I love it the most because of him and the energies involved in it. I think that is what it is, I appreciate most the things that take exerted energies into doing. A gift can be more significant or not based on the energies involved in them. Same with services done. So for me it is gifts of energy.
Summer Breeze Posted October 11, 2012 Posted October 11, 2012 MM isn't poor but neither am I. When we went places I paid my way. We did exchange gifts but neither of us are overly extravagent so their value was more sentimental than monetary. I love baskets and one year he actually made me one for Xmas. He filled it up with bags of potpourri and scented tea lights. He also loved sending me flowers. Sometimes I think it meant more for him to send them than it did me to receive them. I couldn't agree less with Pierre. I find that single men are much more likely to be lavish than MM was. I tend to come to the conclusion from posts on here that most MM aren't likely to give lots of gifts. No data--just my perception of posts.
Got it Posted October 11, 2012 Posted October 11, 2012 MM give way more to their women than single men (SG) do. SGs have the entire population of available women in his dating pool. MM has a much smaller pool of available women because most women see marriage as deal breaker. Therefore MMs give more, whether it is money, service, gifts, romance, or attention. MMs do not have many other alternatives whereas SGs have a much larger dating pool. How do you figure this? That a SG has the entire population of available women? There would be a number of them one would not be interested in, a number that wouldn't be interested back and then a few that one click with. So extrapolating out on that I would bet that the "candidate" pool is actually not as large as you surmise and not much bigger.
Got it Posted October 11, 2012 Posted October 11, 2012 I have found men that have been in long term relationships, that were amicable in their endings, etc. tend to be more in tune with giving back than men who have a more limited or one sided history. I have not seen a difference in dMM in his gift or services giving from the EMR to now but maybe the bar was set high and maintained. That is alright by me.
skywriter Posted October 11, 2012 Posted October 11, 2012 The exMM gave me the gift of getting to know my son, helping him work on our vehicles, taking him fishing, and many other priceless gifts. I never once expected or accepted anything materialistic from him.
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