uh oh, my ex just texted me.

[ponette]

look...EVERY HUMAN BEING DOES NOT HAVE BAD INTENTIONS. THIS IS YOUR FEAR TALKING.

 

do they sometimes just want a piece? sure.

 

do they sometimes want just a friendship? sure.

 

do they sometimes want to reestablish a relationship? sure.

 

stop with the binary thinking. there's more than one possibility, AND IT ISN'T ALWAYS NEFARIOUS.

 

one thing is sure: if they're talking, they want something, and it AIN'T PERMISSION.

[ponette]

I mean, surely, if my ex wanted to get back with me, he could do better than come up with some bull**** excuse to contact me...?

 

you know what? NO! i have two exs come back under the guise of some laughable bull****. ever heard of pride? no finesse?

 

Why not just say it outright? Right - because they don't WANT to get back with you.

 

NOPE! SORRY! MORE binary thinking in full effect. maybe because they''re UNSURE of themselves! too prideful! this default conclusion is not always correct!

 

They want to test the waters and see if you are still up for being contacted / hanging out with them.

 

yes, of course.

 

They just want to get into your pants without having to be in a relationship with you.

 

of course there is a subset of people like this, BUT NOT ALL. and not most, either.

 

My ex tried this. Funny how, 2 minutes after telling me he loved me as a friend and not as a lover, he asked, what's wrong with FWB? But at least my ex was being explicit and honest about his intentions, if only after playing around with me for 4 months. I give him that.

 

yes, that's annoying...and painful and a show of his immaturity, but this should not be your default conclusion because it happened with HIM.

 

sorry my editing came out funky! oy!

[NoMoreJerks]

you know what? NO! i have two exs come back under the guise of some laughable bull****. ever heard of pride? no finesse?

And they are still your "ex"es because...?

 

NOPE! SORRY! MORE binary thinking in full effect. maybe because they''re UNSURE of themselves! too prideful! this default conclusion is not always correct!

A man who wants to get back with you, and knows that he hurt you, will swallow his pride and take the plunge. If he's willing to do it for sex, he should be willing to do it for a relationship. A man who will not swallow his pride and apologize for having hurt me, does not deserve to win me back.

[ponette]

And they are still your "ex"es because...?

 

 

yes, we are no longer romantically involved, but that wasn't the point you were driving at. you were disbelieving that someone would make such an attempt using a bs reason to ge the door open. and i have shown you that they DO use bs reasons, all the time, for exactly that purpose.

 

A man who wants to get back with you, and knows that he hurt you, will swallow his pride and take the plunge.

 

we'd like to think so, but they don't always. sometimes, they know they've hurt you, and they give up.

 

If he's willing to do it for sex, he should be willing to do it for a relationship.

 

haha...now there's a skewed argument if i ever heard one. and don't get stuck making judgments about what people 'should' do. i'm quite sure there are lots of things you 'should' do, and don't.

 

 

A man who will not swallow his pride and apologize for having hurt me, does not deserve to win me back.

 

no argument there. i'd never contest that one, my dear.

[NoMoreJerks]

yes, we are no longer romantically involved, but that wasn't the point you were driving at. you were disbelieving that someone would make such an attempt using a bs reason to ge the door open. and i have shown you that they DO use bs reasons, all the time, for exactly that purpose.

The point was not that they would not come up with a bs reason to get the door open , but why they wanted the door to be opened. For sex. if it were for more than sex, they'd man up and say it outright. I'm afraid this is just breadcrumbs, testing the waters to see if she's willing to be his fallback girl/****-buddy.

 

we'd like to think so, but they don't always. sometimes, they know they've hurt you, and they give up.

Well, if he's contacting you, he's not giving up, is he? If he's not giving up on the relationship, he can do better than doing it with some bull**** breadcrumb-type excuse. If he's not ready to give up on the SEX (whether in the near future or at some point in the future -- keeping you on the side in case he has a dry spell), that's a different matter altogether. I think that's what it is.

 

haha...now there's a skewed argument if i ever heard one. and don't get stuck making judgments about what people 'should' do. i'm quite sure there are lots of things you 'should' do, and don't.

If I wanted something so badly, I would do all it takes to get it.

[ponette]

The point was not that they would not come up with a bs reason to get the door open , but why they wanted the door to be opened.

 

But THAT is not what you'd said. you were in disbelief that they'll use a hore**** reason to open the door. why do they want the door open? it could be one of MANY reasons, as i've said repeatedly, and they are not all evil ones.

 

For sex. if it were for more than sex, they'd man up and say it outright.

 

again, i disagree. people in estranged circumstances have to work their way back in, whether it is for a new relationship or merely to get laid.

 

I'm afraid this is just breadcrumbs, testing the waters to see if she's willing to be his fallback girl/****-buddy.

 

certainly this is a possibility. but if she wants to find out, the door will need to stay open, and that is going to require some patience and emotional maturity, if she wants to deal with him at all.

 

Well, if he's contacting you, he's not giving up, is he?

 

you seem to have trouble following your own arguments.

 

If he's not giving up on the relationship, he can do better than doing it with some bull**** breadcrumb-type excuse.

 

i agree that a different approach is preferable, and that we deserve that, but it is NOT always the way someone pursues a new relationship with an ex!

 

If he's not ready to give up on the SEX (whether in the near future or at some point in the future -- keeping you on the side in case he has a dry spell), that's a different matter altogether. I think that's what it is.

 

well..doesn't bluefairy's ex have a girlfriend? if he does, he isn't worried about a 'dry spell'. i think that he's trying to assess the possibilities here.

 

If I wanted something so badly, I would do all it takes to get it.

 

and that is admirable, but that doesn't mean that 'all it takes to get it' goes by the formula that you describe.

Edited October 11, 2012 by ponette

[TaraMaiden]

i'm considering it at this point, really. ive never had to do that before with anyone else.

bluefairy812, I have given this little snippet of advice to a couple of people on here: Like the heimlich manoeuvre, I've never actually used it myself, but I'm given to understand it works - it turns your phone hot with their subsequent attempts, but if you then DO block them - as YOU DEFINITELY SHOULD IN THIS CASE (!!) you don't really notice it....

 

Next time he texts you, send this back immediately:

 

"Your message could not be delivered. Recipient has this number blocked."

 

THEN BLOCK IT!!

It's a mindphukk-saver......

[geegirl]

As Tara mentioned, it's a game of mind phukks.

 

Weeks ago you were twisting yourself into a pretzel trying to get him to change his mind, and he knew it. But he rejected you. It's a case of curiosity and ego. "She was all over me, pining and begging. Haven't heard from her. I wonder. Maybe I can call about this project, use it as an excuse to see whats shes up to. Even after they've dumped you, they still have a sick need to have you there stroking their ego.

 

It's all BS. Someone who cares for your well being and respects your need to heal, will do the kind and loving thing and that is to leave you alone.

[bluefairy812]

thanks guys. it's really sad because all this is...... is breadcrumbs.

"i miss her like crazy. i think of her a lot. but it doesn't make sense because we are not right for each other."

those are the words he told someone i know. really sad.. because all i am, is his "fix" for those moments he feels lonely..

 

he says he doesn't see me in his future, yet, somehow, i keep popping up in the future when contacts me. he called for this project last night because he is desperate (even though i would never be THAT desperate to contact an ex just to get something done). and he also just wanted to say hi and see how i was doing. i know he cares about me, but i wish he cared more to leave me alone. this makes it seem like he wants to keep me there even though he is not purposely telling me anything.... like false hopes.

 

just sucks. i was strong last night and today i feel low. it's very hard letting go of someone you love. i have had hope for three months... and more of a reason to let go when they tell you that you are not right for them.

 

great, here comes the tears.

Edited October 11, 2012 by bluefairy812

[geegirl]

thanks guys. it's really sad because all this is...... is breadcrumbs.

 

"i miss her like crazy. i think of her a lot. but it doesn't make sense because we are not right for each other."

 

those are the words he told someone i know. really sad.. because all i am, is his "fix" for those moments he feels lonely..

 

he says he doesn't see me in his future, yet, somehow, i keep popping up in the future when contacts me. he called for this project last night because he is desperate (even though i would never be THAT desperate to contact an ex just to get something done). and he also just wanted to say hi and see how i was doing. i know he cares about me, but i wish he cared more to leave me alone. this makes it seem like he wants to keep me there even though he is not purposely telling me anything.... like false hopes.

 

just sucks. i was strong last night and today i feel low. it's very hard letting go of someone you love. i have had hope for three months... and more of a reason to let go when they tell you that you are not right for them.

 

great, here comes the tears.

 

And you will feel those feelings come in waves. One moment I was going "F U, I don't need you" and two seconds later, "Waaaaaah, I want him so bad." It's normal Blue, as long as you don't react and give in. Feel them and let them pass. You are feeling bad because he gouged your wound with contact.

 

And he should care enough for your feelings rather than care for his ego. Don't give him too much credit. He just showed you that his needs come first above your healing.

 

Let the tears come and purge that sadness out. You will feel better.