Adamgem Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 I am curious what types of offers xmm/xmw make to keep the ow/om in the picture when the ow/m want to leave. Today he offered me an apartment for a year and a car. All fully paid for and with No strings attached. Whatever happens in our private lives this is an offer with no strings attached. I asked why. He said he didn't want any anamosity. He wanted me to know how much he appreciated all the work I had done during the last year. I am wondering what other kinds of offers others have had when the relationship ended?
veryhappy Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 Why do you keep talking to him? And why does the discussion go to buying you?
Author Adamgem Posted October 10, 2012 Author Posted October 10, 2012 Why do you keep talking to him? And why does the discussion go to buying you? I keep talking to him because I am still emotionally involved. I have managed to organise things where I will go and travel for a little while. When I leave I will have my phone disconnected. He knows where I am right now but does not know what my plans are. I want to monitor him so that he doesn't show up here before I get away. I am keeping him mis-informed for the moment. I found it a very strange offer. I wondered if others had similar offers. I know he just wants to keep the contact.
stillafool Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 I thought you said you were getting your number changed today so he couldn't talk to you. What happened with that? 1
SecretFlower Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 ^^ If I were you I'd stick to my guns...Quite embarrassing really but all it took to get me back was a few conversations and tickets to a concert. I really was a bit naive. Then again, at the time we were both so warped I think that I would've gone back to him regardless. Man, I made a lot of stupid decisions... 2
Mount Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 Why a apartment only for one year? Do you have your houses/homes yourself? If he gives that apartment to you fully, basically the owner will be you, that you can give a shot. You are not a tenant without renting fee I suppose. I am curious what types of offers xmm/xmw make to keep the ow/om in the picture when the ow/m want to leave. Today he offered me an apartment for a year and a car. All fully paid for and with No strings attached. Whatever happens in our private lives this is an offer with no strings attached. I asked why. He said he didn't want any anamosity. He wanted me to know how much he appreciated all the work I had done during the last year. I am wondering what other kinds of offers others have had when the relationship ended?
Author Adamgem Posted October 10, 2012 Author Posted October 10, 2012 I thought you said you were getting your number changed today so he couldn't talk to you. What happened with that? Yes. I was but didn't put it at the top of my list. I know I have not yet let go but I believe I will very soon. I will turn off in two days time...
Author Adamgem Posted October 10, 2012 Author Posted October 10, 2012 Why a apartment only for one year? Do you have your houses/homes yourself? If he gives that apartment to you fully, basically the owner will be you, that you can give a shot. You are not a tenant without renting fee I suppose. I do not own my own place. I rent and my friend is staying in my place for now and I am sleeping with her! I do not know why he said one year. He knows I am vulnerable regarding a home right now so maybe that is why he suggested that... to keep me in contact.... I have other plans...
Spark1111 Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 Blood money! Ease a guilty conscious money! I'm not such a bad guy afterall money. I wouldn't touch it with a 10-foot pole. But that's me..... 1
Author Adamgem Posted October 10, 2012 Author Posted October 10, 2012 Blood money! Ease a guilty conscious money! I'm not such a bad guy afterall money. I wouldn't touch it with a 10-foot pole. But that's me..... Yes, I was thinking the same..... well I am not sure he has a conscience - guilty or otherwise! But yes, I can not imagine that going well... the point is to keep contact.
Spark1111 Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 If he appreciated the work you did, that is called a bonus, or a stipend, and needs to be paid from his business on the books, where, if he is really generous, he also pays the income taxes for it. An apartment and a car? Sounds smarmy to me, like what a MM would offer a former mistress. Just yuck. And if the offer is not legimatized and reported, well, then who's money is it? His wife and family's money? A joint asset he is hiding from her? I mean, just yuck. If that is exposed, and most money is impossible to hide today, that REALLY makes you look like the mistress, not a vlued employee. What are you thinking here? 1
SecretFlower Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 ^^ Hi Adamgem, I've seen you mention his conscience and being generally not a very good person, so I guess I'm wondering what it is that makes you stay? Do you love him? Has this been a long term affair? Is he in love with you or obsessed with keeping you? I know that many times in affairs we can become confused as to what it is we are doing. I did, and still do, confuse some of the things I did to ex-mm and what he did to me as signs of our love. Him picking up (with his wife) and moving across the country to assure that I didn't leave him? That wasn't love, that was obsession. Your MM calling you and bribing you with an apartment isn't love. It's him wanting a kept woman. It's hard and painful, but if you give him an inch he's going to take all of you. If you go back to him you are throwing away all of the progress you've made. Unless something has changed like he's left his wife or she's left him or something has changed you should stick to your plan. It may not seem clear now, but give it some time and you'll be able to look back and think it would've been a mistake to go back to him. I sure did. 1
Author Adamgem Posted October 10, 2012 Author Posted October 10, 2012 If he appreciated the work you did, that is called a bonus, or a stipend, and needs to be paid from his business on the books, where, if he is really generous, he also pays the income taxes for it. An apartment and a car? Sounds smarmy to me, like what a MM would offer a former mistress. Just yuck. And if the offer is not legimatized and reported, well, then who's money is it? His wife and family's money? A joint asset he is hiding from her? I mean, just yuck. If that is exposed, and most money is impossible to hide today, that REALLY makes you look like the mistress, not a vlued employee. What are you thinking here? He is not married.... it would have nothing to do with his ex or current partner? but I had no idea former mistresses would get something like that. I find it very weird. I am not considering it... I just found it strange.
Author Adamgem Posted October 10, 2012 Author Posted October 10, 2012 ^^ Hi Adamgem, I've seen you mention his conscience and being generally not a very good person, so I guess I'm wondering what it is that makes you stay? Do you love him? Has this been a long term affair? Is he in love with you or obsessed with keeping you? I know that many times in affairs we can become confused as to what it is we are doing. I did, and still do, confuse some of the things I did to ex-mm and what he did to me as signs of our love. Him picking up (with his wife) and moving across the country to assure that I didn't leave him? That wasn't love, that was obsession. Your MM calling you and bribing you with an apartment isn't love. It's him wanting a kept woman. It's hard and painful, but if you give him an inch he's going to take all of you. If you go back to him you are throwing away all of the progress you've made. Unless something has changed like he's left his wife or she's left him or something has changed you should stick to your plan. It may not seem clear now, but give it some time and you'll be able to look back and think it would've been a mistake to go back to him. I sure did. I am not going back. He does not know I have other plans. I had decided to leave sometime ago. I had already made other plans and he knows nothing about my plans. He is just trying to get me back. When he calls - I repeat the same thing over and over - there is no point contacting me unless he has no involvment with another woman. He is making a fool out of himself if he thinks, for one minute, I would accept any such offer.
whichwayisup Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 I am curious what types of offers xmm/xmw make to keep the ow/om in the picture when the ow/m want to leave. Today he offered me an apartment for a year and a car. All fully paid for and with No strings attached. Whatever happens in our private lives this is an offer with no strings attached. I asked why. He said he didn't want any anamosity. He wanted me to know how much he appreciated all the work I had done during the last year. I am wondering what other kinds of offers others have had when the relationship ended? He's buying you..WITH strings attached! I really hope you're not considering his offer. It isn't genuine, nor is it honest. He may say it is no strings attached but it is. 3
Spark1111 Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 My fWS and his OW talked ad nauseum about a trip to bring her child to a well-know themed park during their affair. It was something her xH refused to do until his new child from his new marriage was old enough to enjoy it. Like a dog with a bone, she would not let this go. It made her furious that their child together was denied this in favor of the xH's new baby being old enough to enjoy it. After dday, after my H begged me to reconcile, after I decided to give it a try, after they had broken up, she still apparently wanted it and expected my H to foot the bill. Imagine that? I think he felt guilty enough to consider it until I discovered the tentative planning on a web site and asked him, Who is going to blankety blank? You have got to be kidding me. I broke up once with a guy who many months later invited me to his parents house for the holidays as "just friends" where he proceeded to gve a week away (with him of course) to an exotic locale. I refused, because what do you think was gonna happen there? What do you think will happen at that new apartment? 1
Author Adamgem Posted October 10, 2012 Author Posted October 10, 2012 He's buying you..WITH strings attached! I really hope you're not considering his offer. It isn't genuine, nor is it honest. He may say it is no strings attached but it is. I agree. I am not considering it. I do not take anything he says seriously. I am just keeping him 'online'... until I leave where I am and get to turn off completely for a few months.
Author Adamgem Posted October 10, 2012 Author Posted October 10, 2012 My fWS and his OW talked ad nauseum about a trip to bring her child to a well-know themed park during their affair. It was something her xH refused to do until his new child from his new marriage was old enough to enjoy it. Like a dog with a bone, she would not let this go. It made her furious that their child together was denied this in favor of the xH's new baby being old enough to enjoy it. After dday, after my H begged me to reconcile, after I decided to give it a try, after they had broken up, she still apparently wanted it and expected my H to foot the bill. Imagine that? I think he felt guilty enough to consider it until I discovered the tentative planning on a web site and asked him, Who is going to blankety blank? You have got to be kidding me. I broke up once with a guy who many months later invited me to his parents house for the holidays as "just friends" where he proceeded to gve a week away (with him of course) to an exotic locale. I refused, because what do you think was gonna happen there? What do you think will happen at that new apartment? I am not taking anything he says seriously. He called me from his ex/partners phone telling me this and that - and I could imagine her there listening and believing the conversation to be something completely different than it was..... I said I did not trust her as she had threatened me....he started shouting 'it's over.. it's over... it's over.....'.... Now that he is back at work and away from her his calls are very different. I see him as a clown. He has no idea how I feel about him. I think he is fool. I, of course, go up and down like a yo yo after all I have been through but trying to buy me back? Really? He swore to me he was not in a relationship with her that she was nothing.... blah blah blah... and now he is behaving like this. I will not budge. I feel sick when I think of him now. I feel like I have won the jackpot today - that I got away from this idiot. Having said all of that - tomorrow I might be here looking for support because I feel down again...
Author Adamgem Posted October 10, 2012 Author Posted October 10, 2012 Also spark... It sounds like your husband felt remorse - I do not believe that is the case for the guy I have been involved with. I believe he is just trying to get me to stay in touch.
MilitantPacifist Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 Hello again. Hope things are going well for you otherwise. As far as this latest ploy goes, don't fall for it. I mean, if he's genuine and just rewarding you for your hard work in the workplace, treat it like a severance package. Give him a bank account number to deposit a year's worth of rent into. Otherwise, this is a move to totally control your life for an entire year. He would be in effect your landlord, your means of support, and have complete access to you 24/7. You realize that right? He can't pay for an apartment without knowing where it is and in effect running your life for you. (Barring the method I mentioned above, which I doubt he'll go for). 1
Author Adamgem Posted October 11, 2012 Author Posted October 11, 2012 I think you are right. Each day seems easier. I am on a raw food cleansing diet and it seems to help my mood considerably.... Mostly I find his offers amusing. I don't know why but the thought of turning his offers down seems much more satisfying than accepting them. I do not need him. I need him like I need a headache! Having said all of that I believe he is a psychopath and I am afraid to provoke him. I am doing everything to deal with him as such.... Sometimes I am weak but mostly I am good. Now my biggest problem is to know how to - not anger - him. It may sound strange but from what I have been reading they will be very nasty when they are not getting their way..... I do not want to get into a fight with him. He is sick.
MilitantPacifist Posted October 11, 2012 Posted October 11, 2012 Now my biggest problem is to know how to - not anger - him. It may sound strange but from what I have been reading they will be very nasty when they are not getting their way..... I do not want to get into a fight with him. He is sick. As most of us have said before, the only way you'll be free of him is to cut off contact. Yes, he'll be very angry in the short term. But long term, if he doesn't know where you are, how to contact you, or even how to get a message to you, he'll realize you're out of his reach and you'll become a nonentity to him because he can no longer control you.
Author Adamgem Posted October 11, 2012 Author Posted October 11, 2012 As most of us have said before, the only way you'll be free of him is to cut off contact. Yes, he'll be very angry in the short term. But long term, if he doesn't know where you are, how to contact you, or even how to get a message to you, he'll realize you're out of his reach and you'll become a nonentity to him because he can no longer control you. That does sound reasonible but we have a lot of common friends but that is not my main concern. I have payments (quite substancial) that are outstanding from his company and want to get them. I need them. There are still ties from the working relationship and I would be damaging my professional reputation by not behaving correctly where these matters are concerned. He knows exactly where to find me if he really wants. I have a very strong feeling that cutting him off (like I did this morning) is a bad idea.....
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