sghffdmc Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 I was dumped by my ex two days ago. We were in a relationship for about 8 months. I honestly have never loved anyone or anything as much as I love her....so needless to say, it's really rough for me right now. I thought everything was perfect, too. Then she went away for the weekend because she's an athletic trainer with our football program and when she came back it was like a switch went off. She was distant and I could tell something was wrong. When she broke up with me, she said she just doesn't have time for me and it's not fair to me. She said she has to focus on herself, on applying to grad school and on her athletic training work. She said it was overwhelming with how nice I treated her and how I would constantly go out of my way to do nice things for her because she couldn't give that to me right now. She also said she feels horrible because I did become her best friend and she cares for me so much. She thinks I'm literally perfect and she thinks very highly of me and says I deserve nothing but the best. I was very upset when she was breaking up with me and so was she when she saw me hurt. The thing is, though...there are details from our past you should know. She was hurt very deeply in the past, so she had become scared of love. I told her I loved her several months ago, but she never said it back, so I never said it again. She broke up with me about 4 months ago for about a week, only to come begging for me back because she said she didn't know what she was doing. And over the past month or two everything was feeling really good. She was doing more nice things to me and I don't care what she says (because she denies this), but I could feel our connection growing stronger and her getting closer to me. She even drunkenly said she loved me about three weeks ago when we were out, which I think said a lot. Now, going back to the most recent break up, one phrase she said that really stood out to me was "I can't afford to let my feelings progress". I could be wrong, but to me that says that she's scared of how close she was getting to me and love, so she pulled away. It's also frustrating because I know she's not thinking clearly with how stressed out she is with everything. I feel like once everything blows over in the next week or two, she'll come to her senses and regret what she did. But I feel like I can't get back with her....all of my friends are telling me I need to be done with her for good because she didn't treat me right and I did way too much for her. I just love her so much and I know what I see in her...I know she just has a lot of issues she needs to work out. How am I supposed to move on though, when we clearly both still have feelings for each other? That's a concept I don't understand. She told me the timing just isn't right, and that maybe our paths will cross again down the road. But I just can't wrap my head around getting over someone I love when I know they still care about me... And to make matters worse, I went out with my friends last night to try and get my mind off things. I brought a random girl home and had sex with her -- something I never do. Sex means a lot to me and without an emotional connection I think it's pointless. So not only do I feel guilty for doing that, but I felt even worse and miss my ex even more and for some reason I feel guilty for hooking up with someone else so soon. But I was drunk, I'm very hurt, and my mind is far from right, right now. I'm thinking about going to a psychologist within the next week or so.
KatZee Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 When she broke up with me, she said she just doesn't have time for me and it's not fair to me. She said she has to focus on herself, on applying to grad school and on her athletic training work. She said it was overwhelming with how nice I treated her and how I would constantly go out of my way to do nice things for her because she couldn't give that to me right now. She also said she feels horrible because I did become her best friend and she cares for me so much. She thinks I'm literally perfect and she thinks very highly of me and says I deserve nothing but the best. I was very upset when she was breaking up with me and so was she when she saw me hurt. She's basically trying to pin the split on herself and not make you feel any worse. She's accepting all blame and trying to be a martyr here. Honestly these excuses do you no good. There ARE deeper more truthful reasons as to why she is ending it. When someone loves another person, so truly, they don't leave. Work, school, busy schedule... nothing will stand in the way and they WILL make time to see you. The thing is, though...there are details from our past you should know. She was hurt very deeply in the past, so she had become scared of love. I told her I loved her several months ago, but she never said it back, so I never said it again. If this is her issue, she's broken, and there's nothing you can do to fix her. It's not your job to fix whatever is going on in her head, and it's not your job to pay for the mistakes of others. So this information is frankly irrelevant to your situation. And over the past month or two everything was feeling really good. She was doing more nice things to me and I don't care what she says (because she denies this), but I could feel our connection growing stronger and her getting closer to me. She even drunkenly said she loved me about three weeks ago when we were out, which I think said a lot. Whoa... whoa... whoa... back this up. You could "feel" the connection growing strong and then when you mention this to her, she tells you that what you're saying is incorrect but you then say, "I don't care what you say, you're in denial." Listen, when someone tells you something, and when that person's actions MATCH their words. Believe them. YOU'RE the one in denial right now. She said the connection wasn't getting stronger, she said she has no time for you, that you deserve the best, and then she dumps you. It's loud and clear that she doesn't want to be with you. And being wasted and saying "I love you" really doesn't say or mean anything. The fact that you feel that's what you deserve... a sloppy, slurring version of "I love you" is kind of sad. People get wasted and say stuff all the time. Drunk words hold no weight. She can't say it sober. That says MUCH more than her slobbering it out drunk. all of my friends are telling me I need to be done with her for good because she didn't treat me right and I did way too much for her. I just love her so much and I know what I see in her...I know she just has a lot of issues she needs to work out. Listen to them. You may see loads in her, but at the end of the day, she has to want to address the issues, she has to want to fix this herself. If she doesn't want to do that, then don't hold your breath waiting. She may NEVER be the person you see within her. I also think she's trying to let you down easy. She may care for you, and not want you to hurt, but at the end of the day SHE'S CHOSEN to leave you. Don't listen to her breadcrumbs of "maybe down the road..." That's BS. Focus on today, not a bunch of tomorrow's that may never come. You'll start getting over her when you accept that it's over and you realize that there is no hope. Hope keeps you stuck in place. And it's been said so many times here before. If you DO want her back, the only way that's going to happen is if you go NC and start moving on with your life without her. 1
yessy21 Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 Go NC and move on. let her focus on what she wants and focus on what you want.
Jack32 Posted October 11, 2012 Posted October 11, 2012 If you really think she is not sure about the breakup and is doing it out of fear of being hurt again than its possible to reconcile and get things back on track, that is if you think its worth it. She may change her mind and come back to you as you said she has done it in the past. I wouldn't give up on her yet, seems like you two are good for each other.
Author sghffdmc Posted October 12, 2012 Author Posted October 12, 2012 It's also hard when I have friends tell me they've run across her and that she's a mess too. She has told them she's been crying every day and hates herself for all of this and knows she's making a mistake but it just can't work right now... And she also told me back when we were dating that "she wishes we met later on in life" after we got all of school and what not out of the way because she could see herself with me and she knows I'm a catch. I'm trying to move on but these kinds of things make it tough....I still just feel like she's confused, stressed out with life and doesn't know what she wants right now....idk, or maybe it's all just false hope.
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