robert2008 Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 I am what you would call a nice guy. I am attractive, I stay in shape, have a job, new suv, and house. The problem I am having is all the girls I like always want to be just friends.. Even the ones that like me at first, stop liking me, and put me in the friendzone. It isn't like I don't kiss them or let them know. Hell some of them kiss me first, but still end up not wanting a relationship at some point. I always get told I am too nice. I buy everything for them, I hold doors, I listen to them, and I have a good heart. Girls always tell me though that I need to not be so nice. How do I change who I am though? I was born in the south. I was always taught to share what I have, be a gentleman to women, and just be genuine. I can't help who I am or how I was raised. And why is this a curse? Why is being nice so bad and unattractive? This one girl I liked would rather date a jobless man who has 5 kids, lives with his mother, and has no car.. It is so frustrating being me. Because I want someone to love me, but I don't want to have to change who i am. Even if i did, it would just be a lie. Any advice on what I should do? And please don't tell me that don't worry the right girl will come along one day because I am 27 and it hasn't happened yet.
BellaMarieOC Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 You sound like a great catch. So there must be something you are doing. Maybe these girls think you are just being nice to get in their pants, maybe the girls you meet are just not looking for Mr. Nice Guy right now. Who knows. Do you ever ask them out? Or do you just open doors and kiss them? Where are you meeting these women?
Author robert2008 Posted October 10, 2012 Author Posted October 10, 2012 (edited) Well normally I meet girls at the bar, or at parties because I need alcohol when I first meet a girl. I get really bad anxiety but only when I first meet a girl I like so I use alcohol to kind of keep it down. If I don't my anxiety get so bad that I can't think straight, my heart goes fast, and I shake. I hate it. When I get to know the girl after the first night everything is fine. It's just I use alcohol to make a good first impression. Otherwise I end up looking like I am shy when I am not. Oh and yes I do ask them out, and that is when they always say "you are a great guy, but I just wanna be friends. Don't worry one day you are going to make some girl very happy..." I have heard that line by every girl I have ever liked. But I have had relationships, but never with girls that I wanted to be with for good. Edited October 10, 2012 by robert2008
yessy21 Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 well, some girls like men that can control a situation. and they want to be overpowered in some sense. protected. i have a friend that i friendzoned because of this same reason. he has the cutest face, such a sweet boy, but i always tell him, be strong and firm, or you will never get a date.
Author robert2008 Posted October 10, 2012 Author Posted October 10, 2012 Yes, I wish I didn't have anxiety. Because it is really hard to be myself with it. I want to be dominant and manly but when anxiety takes over it overpowers your mind. It's like it takes control of you. I also wish I didn't always feel the need to be nice.
BellaMarieOC Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 well, some girls like men that can control a situation. and they want to be overpowered in some sense. protected. i have a friend that i friendzoned because of this same reason. he has the cutest face, such a sweet boy, but i always tell him, be strong and firm, or you will never get a date. ^yes! This is what I was going to say. I'm all for Mr. Nice guy, my man is the nicest guy around. But he has balls, and if he didn't have that little macho side I'm not sure things would work out between us. I also wouldn't date someone who needed alcohol to talk to me. When I was single and out at a bar I was always up for talking to that shy dude, but when it comes down to it I wanted someone a little more manly. I think you need to work on getting over your anxiety issues before you try and date. Having a little anxiety is normal, but needing alcohol to cover up your anxiety is a problem.
yessy21 Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 WEll in regards to the alcohol........... i think a glass of wine before you go out on the date is okay but having long island after long island is NOT acceptable.
Author robert2008 Posted October 10, 2012 Author Posted October 10, 2012 Haha you think it is something you just get over? It is a chemical imbalance in the brain. I wish it were that easy to get over believe me. I have taken medicine and everything to try and cure it. I even did acupuncture. I guess I am just destined to be alone. And i do have a macho side. I am an engineer, I can fix anything, I like football, video games, and everything any guy likes to do. Some guys are just screwed I guess.
BellaMarieOC Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 Haha you think it is something you just get over? It is a chemical imbalance in the brain. I wish it were that easy to get over believe me. I have taken medicine and everything to try and cure it. I even did acupuncture. I guess I am just destined to be alone. And i do have a macho side. I am an engineer, I can fix anything, I like football, video games, and everything any guy likes to do. Some guys are just screwed I guess. Oh, don't go all pity party on me now. I didn't say it was easy to get over. Nor do I think it's easy to get over. I take antidepressants to treat my issues, so before you go and throw out this "poor me" speech realize you are not special, there are tons of people out there with "issues" they need to work on. Sounds like you are just destine to feel sorry for yourself. I don't believe you can change your attitude because it sounds like you don't want to. If you did, then you wouldn't be able to use your anxiety as the reason why you can't get a date. I guess you are right. You are destine to be alone forever. Good Luck with that.
Author robert2008 Posted October 10, 2012 Author Posted October 10, 2012 alright thanks for your support.
Author robert2008 Posted October 10, 2012 Author Posted October 10, 2012 but you guys arent answering my question. i Dont want to be a nice guy, but how can i change who I am. Isn't it bad to be someone you are not?
yessy21 Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 The answer is very simple, you have to decide what you want. Do you want to be a nice guy or do you want to be respected by women? Hell it's not even like women are lying to you, they're telling you what you need to do. Why is there such a problem with deadbeat dads? Because those are the men women choose to sleep with during their fertile years. Criminals, jerks, reprobates, narcissists, deadbeats, losers, scumbags and creeps. You can be nice. To your pets, family, friends and children ( girls under the age of 12, once puberty hits in full force being nice will no longer be reciprocated ). How do you change? Listen to these friends of yours complaining and crying about the men they slept with, then emulate these men. He didn't remember her birthday? He's still banging her tonight. Cousin got in a car accident but he'd rather play GTA and smoke some weed over going with her to the hospital? Guess who'll be banging her? Also, do not listen to what women tell you they want under any circumstance. Observe what they do and act accordingly. WHAT ^ said.
stillafool Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 Don't change who you are for anyone. If these girls can't appreciate a nice man and would rather have someone who is more aggressive good for them. You have to keep looking and find a nice girl who was brought up the same as you and won't accept any man but one who will treat her like a queen. Jerks are a dime a dozen and everyone is trying to be a bad boy in hopes of getting laid. It's their loss not yours.
BreakOnThrough Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 Women want a Man who takes control, even an insult to a woman can provoke a spark. My friend sent me a chat log of someone he met online, yeah, he was a big jerk up-front, but this interaction led to them going out and they are now dating interestingly: Jim — Lot's of expensive tastes there, you expect a Guy to buy you **** all the time? Sarah — i buy all my **** never been bought anything from a guy Jim — Well, that's new, Men buying **** for women is what makes the world go round, 99% says you are probably stuck up though... Sarah — if im talking to u clearly not stuck up Sarah — .y Sarah — im one of the nicest girls u can meet Jim — Nah, stuck up girls talk, it usually takes some insult to get them to though... U like weak Men who don't know what they want? Sarah — im really not im a people person Jim — Yeah, perhaps you are, prove it to me... Sarah — how????lol Jim — give me your number, I’ll make the determination then... . Sarah — 331*******
somedude81 Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 About how long does it take for you to try and have sex?
Hawaii50 Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 I've always made it a point that if the timing was a little off with a girl, or a i seen something leaning towards a friendship, to tell her I don't want to be on your friends list. I want more. to that, the usual reply is "good." even if we never are together, we're never unclear or mistaken as to what i'm there for. which is more. they usually admire my honest/candor.
Author robert2008 Posted October 10, 2012 Author Posted October 10, 2012 well i tried with this last girl the first night. but normally a few weeks
ThaWholigan Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 You probably don't know enough about attraction and how it works. Doing nice things for women doesn't make them attracted to you. Doing attractive things makes them attracted. Find out what those attractive traits are, whether you have them, whether you can cultivate them and also consider revising how you talk to women - stimulating conversations, sizzling banter and wordplay etc. 2
runner Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 I am what you would call a nice guy. I am attractive, I stay in shape, have a job, new suv, and house. The problem I am having is all the girls I like always want to be just friends.. Even the ones that like me at first, stop liking me, and put me in the friendzone. It isn't like I don't kiss them or let them know. Hell some of them kiss me first, but still end up not wanting a relationship at some point. no offence, but you sound very vanilla. the kind of man a woman would purchase at costco, consume, and then dump in the recycling bin. (no honestly i'm not trying to spite you for spites sake; that's just how your OP comes across to me) is there anything about you that hooks into a ladie's mind ? something about you that makes you come off as 'not-vanilla' ? i'm not recommending you put on some lame bad-boy faux personality, but there needs to be an x-factor about you that makes women swoon. sounds like you don't have it, for whatever reason. /best
somedude81 Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 no offence, but you sound very vanilla. the kind of man a woman would purchase at costco, consume, and then dump in the recycling bin. (no honestly i'm not trying to spite you for spites sake; that's just how your OP comes across to me) is there anything about you that hooks into a ladie's mind ? something about you that makes you come off as 'not-vanilla' ? i'm not recommending you put on some lame bad-boy faux personality, but there needs to be an x-factor about you that makes women swoon. sounds like you don't have it, for whatever reason. /best Such is the pain of being a man. A woman can be vanilla and it won't hurt her at all. But a man has to be rockyroad, with additional toppings.
Author robert2008 Posted October 11, 2012 Author Posted October 11, 2012 By vanilla I am assuming you mean plain? I am anything but ordinary. Not trying to sound full of myself, but I am very smart. I think that is my problem. The girls I seem to fall for are always dumb. I always want to have an in depth conversation with them and I think it makes me come off as a bore. I am funny though too. I can say witty things and I made the last girl I was with laugh constantly. The problem is at this point in my life I am too needy for a relationship. I am pressured constantly by my family to get married. I think I need to take a step back and find out what makes me happy before trying to date anyone.
ThaWholigan Posted October 11, 2012 Posted October 11, 2012 By vanilla I am assuming you mean plain? I am anything but ordinary. Not trying to sound full of myself, but I am very smart. I think that is my problem. The girls I seem to fall for are always dumb. I always want to have an in depth conversation with them and I think it makes me come off as a bore. I am funny though too. I can say witty things and I made the last girl I was with laugh constantly. The problem is at this point in my life I am too needy for a relationship. I am pressured constantly by my family to get married. I think I need to take a step back and find out what makes me happy before trying to date anyone. Ahh yes, that neediness probably is the problem. I think you're right, take some time to find out what makes you happy and proceed from there. And find your niche, the kind of girl that you would be attracted to.
AD1980 Posted October 11, 2012 Posted October 11, 2012 no offence, but you sound very vanilla. the kind of man a woman would purchase at costco, consume, and then dump in the recycling bin. (no honestly i'm not trying to spite you for spites sake; that's just how your OP comes across to me) is there anything about you that hooks into a ladie's mind ? something about you that makes you come off as 'not-vanilla' ? i'm not recommending you put on some lame bad-boy faux personality, but there needs to be an x-factor about you that makes women swoon. sounds like you don't have it, for whatever reason. /best Lets be honest most people are pretty run of the mill and are in relationships not everyone is such a dynamic personality,people make it seem like you should be James Bodn lite to attract a normal women
BS76 Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 I am what you would call a nice guy. I am attractive, I stay in shape, have a job, new suv, and house. The problem I am having is all the girls I like always want to be just friends.. Even the ones that like me at first, stop liking me, and put me in the friendzone. It isn't like I don't kiss them or let them know. Hell some of them kiss me first, but still end up not wanting a relationship at some point. Are you touching them? Are you stating your intentions? Or do you wait until the end of the date to make that awkward move at the end of the date only to get a face turn? I always get told I am too nice. I buy everything for them, I hold doors, I listen to them, and I have a good heart. Girls always tell me though that I need to not be so nice. How do I change who I am though? I was born in the south. I was always taught to share what I have, be a gentleman to women, and just be genuine. I can't help who I am or how I was raised. And why is this a curse? Why is being nice so bad and unattractive? This one girl I liked would rather date a jobless man who has 5 kids, lives with his mother, and has no car.. It is so frustrating being me. Because I want someone to love me, but I don't want to have to change who i am. Even if i did, it would just be a lie. Any advice on what I should do? And please don't tell me that don't worry the right girl will come along one day because I am 27 and it hasn't happened yet. My friend, biomechanics are god. You need to understand how attraction works and work on yourself in a lot of areas. I strongly recommend you get a good dating coach ASAP, because this stuff isn't going to correct itself.
skydiveaddict Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 I am what you would call a nice guy. This is why you are friend zoned ^^^
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