without Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 I'm 21 and that means that its my last year in university. Which is a small place. I changed myself alot to be better I lost lots of weight, I'm kind of thin now. I tried to be the best I can be. Everyone says I'm cute. I had a failed relationship and also a guy I was friends with didn't date my cause he said i'm a kid ( he was 6 ear older) which i think is stupid. and I had low self-esteem so I did what I could to be better, I don't know what else to do. And I was really shy. Recently my friend told me if I like someone I shouldn't wait for them to approach me I should do it. So ... I have bought a psp and I brought it to uni and I was sitting and playing as the guy I liked came near and sat down. I put away any shyness and talked to him and offered him to play with my psp. ( I really didn't know how to start a conversation with him) So he accepted we played and after that we talked , these took for more than 2 hours. He was nice ad we talked like we knew eachother. Abut teachers , students , games, age .... . Also we have a class together, literature that all the student no matter their major should take it. This course he's in my class. He asked me if I'm a first year student and I said no, actually the last year then he said "So you're one of the oldies here." I said laughing i'm not old and he said "No I mean you're one of the people who have been here for a long time". He's a second-year student and he's a year and a half younger than me. Which he doesn't really look like. And actualy everyone tells me I look younger than I am... . Anyway we joked about how he called me old,which i'm worried he may think... We said bye as I had a class to go and before that he asked me my name. 2 days later (today) I saw him with his friends and a girl with them. I went where they were to buy a tea and sat nearly close to them but he didn't say anythig to me. :( I think maybe he thinks I'm too old for him and doesn't wanna talk.. Also he could have added me on facebook (i'm not sure he knows how to writes my name, but thats a small possibility.) I'm really depressed... No one seems to actually like me.
Emilia Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 Aaaah please don't be sad. He probably didn't talk to you because he was worried what that would look like in front of his friends, maybe he thought you would ignore him or something. At your age dating is so difficult, there is a lot of game playing and a 20 year-old guy can be so immature You did very well talking to him like that, that's a very ballsy thing to do for a girl! I think you should try to hang out with boys more. You obviously have interests that they like, can you join clubs/groups? 1
Author without Posted October 10, 2012 Author Posted October 10, 2012 Aaaah please don't be sad. He probably didn't talk to you because he was worried what that would look like in front of his friends, maybe he thought you would ignore him or something. At your age dating is so difficult, there is a lot of game playing and a 20 year-old guy can be so immature You did very well talking to him like that, that's a very ballsy thing to do for a girl! I think you should try to hang out with boys more. You obviously have interests that they like, can you join clubs/groups? When I entered university there weren't much boys around, But now there are more. And no there's no group or club, only religious clubs : / The ony thing I hadn't done was putting aside my shyness and I did that too, Cuz most guys just look at me and say nothing... And he was kind of my crush and he talked in a way I was sure he liked me... But now I'm really depressed I never really had any proper boyfriend.
Emilia Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 Of course you will, don't be silly You just need to keep talking to guys but not only at your uni, they are all kids anyway. What does a 20 year-old boy know? Nothing They don't talk to you because they don't know how to, they don't know what to say. Are you in a biggish town? There are probably lots of different meetup groups you could join for example. 1
Author without Posted October 10, 2012 Author Posted October 10, 2012 Of course you will, don't be silly You just need to keep talking to guys but not only at your uni, they are all kids anyway. What does a 20 year-old boy know? Nothing They don't talk to you because they don't know how to, they don't know what to say. Are you in a biggish town? There are probably lots of different meetup groups you could join for example. Yes a biggish town but doesn't have much groups, maybe I will go to a language class next year because now all my daysI'm busy with uni. Also I can add him on FB but I think it will be weird cuz he has changed his family name there but because we have mutual friends I know his page.
Emilia Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 Yes a biggish town but doesn't have much groups, maybe I will go to a language class next year because now all my daysI'm busy with uni. don't worry about the guy. So you have checked Find Meetup groups near you - Meetup for local activity groups then?
Author without Posted October 10, 2012 Author Posted October 10, 2012 don't worry about the guy. So you have checked Find Meetup groups near you - Meetup for local activity groups then? My country is not in that site :| Yes I'm from somewhere really far.
Emilia Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 My country is not in that site :| Yes I'm from somewhere really far. So how do people socialise in your country in your town? Just in bars and pubs? What sort of activity do they usually do? What I'm getting at is that meeting guys (especially in your 20s) is best through your social circle. You achieve this by widening your social circle.
Author without Posted October 10, 2012 Author Posted October 10, 2012 So how do people socialise in your country in your town? Just in bars and pubs? What sort of activity do they usually do? What I'm getting at is that meeting guys (especially in your 20s) is best through your social circle. You achieve this by widening your social circle. Well the problem is Idon't have that circle and I don't know how others meet up either... But I'm trying by being more sociable and getting rid of my shyness.
Emilia Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 Well the problem is Idon't have that circle and I don't know how others meet up either... But I'm trying by being more sociable and getting rid of my shyness. This is how you eventually get a boyfriend. It does take a while but the more people you talk to, the more you socialise, the better you get at it. When you make friends with girls for example (you must have plenty at your colleage by the sound of it), you eventually meet their brothers, male friends, cousins, etc. They are what we call your social capital. You make friends, you network, you create connections. Some you stay friends with, others not so much. You also learn and grow in the process, you get better and better at dealing with your shyness.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 This is so strange to me. I don't remember anyone in college calling anyone "old". Even when you were freshmen and they were seniors. This guy seems kind of weird. Is he going to think he is old when he turns 21..which apparently is going to be in just another year and a half. Without, I wouldn't put too much stock in this guy. He seems to have the maturity of a 15 year old. I also don't really agree with your friends that you should so boldly approach men. You should let a man know you like him but not aggressively pursue him. Smile at a man you like, or ask him to help you with something if the opportunity presents itself, or drop something right infront of him and hopefully he will help you out and pick it up. But don't be the guy, don't be too aggressive. Guys might be flattered by the attention but on a purely chemical/emotional level, when you are too aggressive, it will make a guy regress in most cases. Also, don't be too depressed. You are at a great age. You are 21. You are going to grown and change so much from 21-26. And you are going to grow into more self confidence. I promise you. You got the whole world infront of you. Don't let this guy hang you up. He sounds a bit immature calling you an "oldie" when he is 19/20 himself.
SJC2008 Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 This is so strange to me. I don't remember anyone in college calling anyone "old". Even when you were freshmen and they were seniors. This guy seems kind of weird. Is he going to think he is old when he turns 21..which apparently is going to be in just another year and a half. Without, I wouldn't put too much stock in this guy. He seems to have the maturity of a 15 year old. I also don't really agree with your friends that you should so boldly approach men. You should let a man know you like him but not aggressively pursue him. Smile at a man you like, or ask him to help you with something if the opportunity presents itself, or drop something right infront of him and hopefully he will help you out and pick it up. But don't be the guy, don't be too aggressive. Guys might be flattered by the attention but on a purely chemical/emotional level, when you are too aggressive, it will make a guy regress in most cases. Also, don't be too depressed. You are at a great age. You are 21. You are going to grown and change so much from 21-26. And you are going to grow into more self confidence. I promise you. You got the whole world infront of you. Don't let this guy hang you up. He sounds a bit immature calling you an "oldie" when he is 19/20 himself. Right he couldn't of been joking. He has a weiner so he's immature.
Author without Posted October 10, 2012 Author Posted October 10, 2012 This is so strange to me. I don't remember anyone in college calling anyone "old". Even when you were freshmen and they were seniors. This guy seems kind of weird. Is he going to think he is old when he turns 21..which apparently is going to be in just another year and a half. Without, I wouldn't put too much stock in this guy. He seems to have the maturity of a 15 year old. I also don't really agree with your friends that you should so boldly approach men. You should let a man know you like him but not aggressively pursue him. Smile at a man you like, or ask him to help you with something if the opportunity presents itself, or drop something right infront of him and hopefully he will help you out and pick it up. But don't be the guy, don't be too aggressive. Guys might be flattered by the attention but on a purely chemical/emotional level, when you are too aggressive, it will make a guy regress in most cases. Also, don't be too depressed. You are at a great age. You are 21. You are going to grown and change so much from 21-26. And you are going to grow into more self confidence. I promise you. You got the whole world infront of you. Don't let this guy hang you up. He sounds a bit immature calling you an "oldie" when he is 19/20 himself. I translated it from my language and we use old in many cases. I don't get it was I too agressive? Really ? How? I tried doing te "Smile .. Subtle hints.." But doesn't help that much.
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