Is it immature to de-friend ex's friends?

[KansasChica]

I need some advice (please bear with me and this annoying dilemma)

 

I de-friended my ex on Facebook right after he broke up with me 10 months ago. I gave him a heads up that I was doing it, but I just thought it was for the best. He had pretty much devalued me (out of the blue) and I was sure that he had cheated on me, although he denied it.

 

I also thought that after time, we could be cool again. It's obvious now, however, that that's not going to happen. Since the breakup, my ex has done nothing but play the victim, claim I turned all our mutual friends against him (absolutely not true), and blamed me for basically everything wrong in his life. He's also just been a cold jerk. I saw him and his best friend (who used to be a good friend of mine as well) out recently and they both just ignored me. I can understand my ex keeping distance, but his friend as well? Whatever...they're immature. UNTIL, I found out that the best friend had been telling others that I was basically a horrible girlfriend, gold-digger, etc. etc. I realize now that he is one of the most manipulative people I've ever met and I'm 99% sure he had a role in my breakup.

 

My ex and I have several mutual friends- most of these people are my Facebook friends as well. I realize that in breakups, friends usually take sides. Those who are closer to me are still cordial with my ex and I'm okay with that. Those who are closer to him, however, rarely speak to me and act awkwardly tense around me. It was my birthday last week, and I figured my ex wouldn't wish me a happy birthday, but none of those people did either. I've always been friendly with these mutual friends, but I definitely took note and was frankly kind of surprised at their snub. Especially because I see them out regularly.

 

My question is: is it immature to de-friend all of these people? I think it might be, but I just don't think that we're ever going to be at a place where we'll be cool again. It's been 10 months since the breakup! I'm not trying to be dramatic, but I just don't think I've done anything wrong. I never talked crap about any of them; it just makes me wonder what my ex or his best friend has been saying. Plus, I will definitely be seeing these people again- at mutual friends' parties and whatnot.

 

I would love to just fall off my ex's radar, but I can't because we share so many friends on Facebook. I think my anxiety is peaking a bit- am I overthinking this?

[a.b]

Not at all, you have to do what makes this process easier for you!

 

They don't sound that good friends with you, so they probably wont lose much sleep over it and neither should you.

[KatZee]

I've actually been thinking the same too.

 

My ex sounds somewhat similar to yours. He cheated, lied, and I'm sure he's out playing the victim because all the people I THOUGHT were my friend, went and snubbed me by deleting me on FB. I'm still mutual friends with some of his friends, and the same thing happened with me. My birthday came and I knew I wouldn't hear from him, don't care at all, but the people I thought were friends didn't even bother to wish me a happy birthday.

 

I don't consider these people friends at this point. They're "friends" because Facebook says so. But in my mind? I'll never see these people, hang with these people, or talk to these people again. So what's the point in even having them on FB?

 

I haven't deleted them yet because I'm enjoying being an a.sshole. I snub my ex indirectly through FB quotes, and those quote pictures every chance I get. Any of them who have known me, know that they're about my ex. And I want them to be on my friends list when I get a fantastic new boyfriend and I can write about him all over my wall. I'm evil, I know.

[hockey]

wow...great planning ahead w/new BF and rubbing his nose in it! Please just remember the best revenge is living well! Don't get caught up in the pissing contest ur ex is trying to get u into...he is picking teams by who he has on FB etc...let him be the child and u be the dignified one. Even tho it doesn't replace the anger and frustration...in the end u'll be better off. Does that make any sense??

I've actually been thinking the same too.

 

My ex sounds somewhat similar to yours. He cheated, lied, and I'm sure he's out playing the victim because all the people I THOUGHT were my friend, went and snubbed me by deleting me on FB. I'm still mutual friends with some of his friends, and the same thing happened with me. My birthday came and I knew I wouldn't hear from him, don't care at all, but the people I thought were friends didn't even bother to wish me a happy birthday.

 

I don't consider these people friends at this point. They're "friends" because Facebook says so. But in my mind? I'll never see these people, hang with these people, or talk to these people again. So what's the point in even having them on FB?

 

I haven't deleted them yet because I'm enjoying being an a.sshole. I snub my ex indirectly through FB quotes, and those quote pictures every chance I get. Any of them who have known me, know that they're about my ex. And I want them to be on my friends list when I get a fantastic new boyfriend and I can write about him all over my wall. I'm evil, I know.

[hockey]

maybe its best to let him try and play his little games. He can't seem to let u go, otherwise, he wouldn't be involved in the pissing match and keep trying to draw u back into it. Its been almost a year...time for him to grow up. U can be the bigger person and step away, he will see that he is just a memory of urs and the more he behaves like this, the worst (sp) of a memory he will become. He's writing his own relationship obituary

I need some advice (please bear with me and this annoying dilemma)

 

I de-friended my ex on Facebook right after he broke up with me 10 months ago. I gave him a heads up that I was doing it, but I just thought it was for the best. He had pretty much devalued me (out of the blue) and I was sure that he had cheated on me, although he denied it.

 

I also thought that after time, we could be cool again. It's obvious now, however, that that's not going to happen. Since the breakup, my ex has done nothing but play the victim, claim I turned all our mutual friends against him (absolutely not true), and blamed me for basically everything wrong in his life. He's also just been a cold jerk. I saw him and his best friend (who used to be a good friend of mine as well) out recently and they both just ignored me. I can understand my ex keeping distance, but his friend as well? Whatever...they're immature. UNTIL, I found out that the best friend had been telling others that I was basically a horrible girlfriend, gold-digger, etc. etc. I realize now that he is one of the most manipulative people I've ever met and I'm 99% sure he had a role in my breakup.

 

My ex and I have several mutual friends- most of these people are my Facebook friends as well. I realize that in breakups, friends usually take sides. Those who are closer to me are still cordial with my ex and I'm okay with that. Those who are closer to him, however, rarely speak to me and act awkwardly tense around me. It was my birthday last week, and I figured my ex wouldn't wish me a happy birthday, but none of those people did either. I've always been friendly with these mutual friends, but I definitely took note and was frankly kind of surprised at their snub. Especially because I see them out regularly.

 

My question is: is it immature to de-friend all of these people? I think it might be, but I just don't think that we're ever going to be at a place where we'll be cool again. It's been 10 months since the breakup! I'm not trying to be dramatic, but I just don't think I've done anything wrong. I never talked crap about any of them; it just makes me wonder what my ex or his best friend has been saying. Plus, I will definitely be seeing these people again- at mutual friends' parties and whatnot.

 

I would love to just fall off my ex's radar, but I can't because we share so many friends on Facebook. I think my anxiety is peaking a bit- am I overthinking this?

[hockey]

Katzee- on another note....sounds like he is showing his true colors and just being an *******. If he couldn't respect you and ur relationship enough when he was cheating and wanting the 'best of both worlds' then why should we think he has the integrity to act responsible and respectful now. He should be ashamed....looser

[KatZee]

wow...great planning ahead w/new BF and rubbing his nose in it! Please just remember the best revenge is living well! Don't get caught up in the pissing contest ur ex is trying to get u into...he is picking teams by who he has on FB etc...let him be the child and u be the dignified one. Even tho it doesn't replace the anger and frustration...in the end u'll be better off. Does that make any sense??

 

Oh of course. I know best revenge is living well, and that's why I've been living SUPER well.

 

I want there to be outlets for him to see this. I want his friends to know that he did not knock me down, instead he made me happier, and stronger by leaving.

 

Anything I put on FB in the future wouldn't be phony, that's just how I am as a person and that's how I acted with my ex. I would put loving things up, I would post our pictures... and I'm not going to stop being me just because I was hurt by a dBag. I'm sure one I'm taken again the news will get back in some form or another.

[KatZee]

Katzee- on another note....sounds like he is showing his true colors and just being an *******. If he couldn't respect you and ur relationship enough when he was cheating and wanting the 'best of both worlds' then why should we think he has the integrity to act responsible and respectful now. He should be ashamed....looser

 

My ex is none of those things. He is not responsible. He is not respectful. He has ZERO integrity. He has no morals. Everything is always about him, and what he wants, and what he needs. He steamrolled over me all the time just taking advantage, taking me for granted, and he's not ashamed. That's how big his ego is. He actually thinks what he did is OK. And he is the biggest loser. That I can attest to. On a loser scale of 1-10 he surely is an 11.

 

I do personally love that I set the bar for his subsequent relationships though. He won't meet anyone who will be 1/10th of what I was to him. I stayed far longer than I should have, and sacrificed and gave far more than I should have. He's going to have some time finding someone like me!

:laugh::lmao:

[KansasChica]

I hear your KatZee. My ex is the weak, passive-aggressive coward. It's his best friend that's basically done all the dirty work for him. He's extremely narcissistic and I'm pretty sure that he's gone around and bad-mouthed me to others. He has a way of twisting things around and is so charming that all of our mutual friends love him! It's frustrating, because if they knew some of the things I've heard him say... basically sleeping with girls to prove a point and bad-mouthing so many people.

 

I really want to de-friend him, but that would inflate his ego I think and justify him saying how immature I am and that I care enough about him to de-friend him. That's my predicament. Sigh.

[Drseussgrrl]

I haven't deleted anyone - not even him (although he's hidden from my feed).

 

I have acted no differently on FB than I ever have. I use it for funny updates and pictures. Nothing emotional (unless positive) whatsoever. Not the place for it, in my opinion.

 

I have enough friends of my own. I don't need his to wish me a happy birthday (although we have lots of mutual friends and they still post on my wall, etc.)

[hockey]

NICE!!! That is so great and refreshing to hear!!! It isn't until he looks back that he will realize how stupid he was! I love it!! Sucks to be him!

My ex is none of those things. He is not responsible. He is not respectful. He has ZERO integrity. He has no morals. Everything is always about him, and what he wants, and what he needs. He steamrolled over me all the time just taking advantage, taking me for granted, and he's not ashamed. That's how big his ego is. He actually thinks what he did is OK. And he is the biggest loser. That I can attest to. On a loser scale of 1-10 he surely is an 11.

 

I do personally love that I set the bar for his subsequent relationships though. He won't meet anyone who will be 1/10th of what I was to him. I stayed far longer than I should have, and sacrificed and gave far more than I should have. He's going to have some time finding someone like me!

:laugh::lmao:

[KatZee]

I hear your KatZee. My ex is the weak, passive-aggressive coward. It's his best friend that's basically done all the dirty work for him. He's extremely narcissistic and I'm pretty sure that he's gone around and bad-mouthed me to others. He has a way of twisting things around and is so charming that all of our mutual friends love him! It's frustrating, because if they knew some of the things I've heard him say... basically sleeping with girls to prove a point and bad-mouthing so many people.

 

I really want to de-friend him, but that would inflate his ego I think and justify him saying how immature I am and that I care enough about him to de-friend him. That's my predicament. Sigh.

 

Yup same here. I'm not worried about my exes ego at all so I defriended that aHole the second he dumped me. I don't want his nasty vibes all over my page. I deleted all his posts and pictures too. Yucky yuck.

 

My ex also badmouthed some of HIS friends! (The girls). These are the same girls that defriended ME on FB. I dare any one of them or even him to start something with me and it'll be a floodgate of s.hit. I have so much on all of them it's ridiculous. All these girls that defend him, think his s.hit don't stink... if they only KNEW the words he used to describe them. SMH!

[flitzanu]

it's immature to make a Broadway production about de-friending them.

 

it's perfectly mature to delete people you dont' want to be in contact with, silently.

[Sugarkane]

All the ex friends completely cut me off. No doubt my ex fed them complete utter lies so he would look good.

[Sugarkane]

It seems the in thing these days is to be a lying coward.

[robaday]

I try not to get angry anymore, over breakups, or whatever, people do stupid stuff, I cant hate them for it, just glad Im not with them.

 

Its a learning curve, Ill pick better people to be in my life in future. But, I just dont see the point in deleting friends, I really dont, they havent done anything to me, if my ex is pictured with another guy - whats the worst that could happen? I have to deal with it sooner rather than later - hell id be happy for her, cause she sure as hell wasnt happy with me.

 

I got an email from one of her friends other day, asking if im off to a festival and asking if she could join me. I was like sure yeah! your more than welcome. Shes not my ex, I dont ask her questions about my ex, and she doesnt ask me personal questions either. She doesnt care about the drama and wont get sucked into it. Shes a good friend, and Im glad shes in my life.

[Sugarkane]

That sounds really rare. My experience has been the complete opposite. People take sides without even hearing yours. Most people just take the easy way out. For someone not to take sides and be mature, well most are far too selfish. QUOTE=robaday;4319448]I try not to get angry anymore, over breakups, or whatever, people do stupid stuff, I cant hate them for it, just glad Im not with them.

 

Its a learning curve, Ill pick better people to be in my life in future. But, I just dont see the point in deleting friends, I really dont, they havent done anything to me, if my ex is pictured with another guy - whats the worst that could happen? I have to deal with it sooner rather than later - hell id be happy for her, cause she sure as hell wasnt happy with me.

 

I got an email from one of her friends other day, asking if im off to a festival and asking if she could join me. I was like sure yeah! your more than welcome. Shes not my ex, I dont ask her questions about my ex, and she doesnt ask me personal questions either. She doesnt care about the drama and wont get sucked into it. Shes a good friend, and Im glad shes in my life.

[KatZee]

That sounds really rare. My experience has been the complete opposite. People take sides without even hearing yours. Most people just take the easy way out. For someone not to take sides and be mature, well most are far too selfish.

 

Oh I agree. I had people take sides when I FIRST started dating my now ex. They were in their mid twenties at that point and were complete a.ssholes to me for NO reason other than the fact they were friends with my bf's ex. They held loyalty to her, didn't bother to even get to know me. They talked massive amounts of s.hit from day one. Made bets as to when he'd dump me, would whisper behind their hands and give me dirty looks. It was absolutely ridiculous.

 

After about a year and a half of me turning a blind eye to it, being the nicest I possibly could be, sucking it up, and just accepting it all... we became "friends."

 

So I thought. The second my ex dumped me I was snubbed so freaking fast that heads rolled. It's like they couldn't wait to be rid of me.

 

I honestly regret letting them stomp all over me. I regret not speaking up and putting them all in their places. The only reason I was so nice to them was out of respect for my boyfriend at the time, but so help me God if someone ever walked up to me on the street and treated me the way they did, fists would be flying.

 

People are EXTREMELY immature, and I have yet to see anyone act the way that guy did.

[KansasChica]

Sometimes I think my lucky stars that I'm no longer with my ex and have to deal with his friends/ my former "friends". They were very judgmental and loved to talk behind people's backs; but, were also extremely fake and would act like they were your best friends when around. These people are so disenchanted with their own lives that they love to meddle in others' lives.