StormySeas Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 I seem to be falling deeper into sadness as we move further from D-Day. At first, I relied on a ton of research/reading to help me through the initial feelings. I read so much about happy reconciliations when couples were willing to work and read even more about the impacts of separation/divorce on kids. But I just am having a hard time climbing out of a pit of sadness right now, and I have certainly never been this sad before in my life. Yesterday was my birthday, and my H did everything possible to try to make it special. I just wanted to hide. I assume that my emotions will continue to cycle with the lows being lower than ever before...but I guess I'm just a little surprised at how hard it is to even talk to my H. He went NC with the wench 2 years ago, but trickle truthed until everything came out on D-Day 3 weeks ago. I just feel broken. I have never in my life felt this way before. Am I wallowing in my own self-pity too much? Am I focused too much on the past? I don't know. I'm in counselling, but that usually just results in me getting more upset because it's the venue where I can just talk and talk. So post therapy, I usually walk out feeling a bit like an emotionally beaten/drained puppy. If anyone has thoughts on what they did/are doing to get themselves through all of this, let me know.
Spark1111 Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 I started to live a lot more selfishly, focusing on doing things for me that made me happy, and if not happy, diverted for a long time. Joined a gym, mani-pedis and hair...facials and massages. Took some fun, after work classes, like writing, yoga, pilates, stained-glass making, painting, etc. Looked up old friends and re-initiated the friendships and made a vow to meet up at least once a week. Wow! Looking back, it was exhausting, but I needed to with some new exhaust myelf both physically and mentally to get through it and avoid the spiral. Get really, really busy with some new activities and new and old friends. 4
Author StormySeas Posted October 10, 2012 Author Posted October 10, 2012 Thanks, Spark. I would love to live a little more selfishly, but there's a super cute 4 year old that as a working mother with a demanding job needs me to be at home when I'm not at work! I did spend my birthday evening cleaning my closet out from top to bottom...4 garbage bags full of clothes for Covenant House and 3 bags of garbage later, I felt a little better. But I'm training for a half marathon, unfortunately getting in those runs early in the AM or late in the PM so I don't miss time with our son, which has me feeling more tired. I was going to take up drinking more consistently, but that's probably not the best idea right now.
beenburned Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 SS, Lots of people have to go on anti-depressants after d-day to be able to function normally at work and with the kids. It helped me a lot! 2
ComingInHot Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 I understand!! And I am so sorry you're hurting. It is not a switch we can just turn on & off as we would like depending on our environment and keeping it together for yourself & your child just adds to the exhaustion... It's good you are running but don't over extend (as if that's an option, I know...) What can you AND your child do together? My kids & I joined a Tao qwan do class* They were So much better than me but we had fun together!! Great memories made looking back on it now* They were six & nine then. You may have to force yourself to begin with but creating these new memories may help aid in your recovery. I don't know what or where you and/or your husband are in reconciling but it sounds as if he ultimately chose to stay. Build on that. In the meantime know you are not all alone. As another poster said, look up and reconnect w/friends, allow family to shoulder this w/you. And of course you have all of us crazy , betrayed spouses here on LS* 1
yessy21 Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 you need some "me" time. thats all. it hurts but its something that you will have to heal within yourself. it takes a great deal of time. im going through depression right now, just differently. 1
mercy Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 I seem to be falling deeper into sadness as we move further from D-Day. At first, I relied on a ton of research/reading to help me through the initial feelings. I read so much about happy reconciliations when couples were willing to work and read even more about the impacts of separation/divorce on kids. But I just am having a hard time climbing out of a pit of sadness right now, and I have certainly never been this sad before in my life. Yesterday was my birthday, and my H did everything possible to try to make it special. I just wanted to hide. I assume that my emotions will continue to cycle with the lows being lower than ever before...but I guess I'm just a little surprised at how hard it is to even talk to my H. He went NC with the wench 2 years ago, but trickle truthed until everything came out on D-Day 3 weeks ago. I just feel broken. I have never in my life felt this way before. Am I wallowing in my own self-pity too much? Am I focused too much on the past? I don't know. I'm in counselling, but that usually just results in me getting more upset because it's the venue where I can just talk and talk. So post therapy, I usually walk out feeling a bit like an emotionally beaten/drained puppy. If anyone has thoughts on what they did/are doing to get themselves through all of this, let me know. You're grieving, you have every right to feel sadness. Your whole world has been turned upside down. I wouldn't try to deny those feelings. Nor did I, when I went through it. I would just cry my eyes out and the sadness I felt was overwhelming. Most of the time h was right there with me. I never felt the need to be or feel anything that wasn't authentic. There does come a time when the sadness isn't so raw, it'll come, honest. But it'll be when your heart is ready. You'll know. I did. I got tired of the sadness, that's when it was time. Sure it still came but it was fewer and farther in between. One thing I did do was make sure I could always see outside, I made sure the blinds were always open. I had a chair sitting by the window. I sat outside a lot. Took walks in the park cried most of the time. Some days I wondered if I'd ever be okay. That's when the still quiet voice within me said that I would and I trusted it. I may have been a weak mess but in reality I'm a strong woman and that tiny bit of hope took me through it as it will you. You have hope, no matter how small. Time does not heal all wounds but it does move you farther from the pain. 1
mercy Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 And of course you have all of us crazy , betrayed spouses here on LS* Just who you talkin' about? :p:laugh:
waterwoman Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 OK I am a bit crazy. H had to come and pick me up yesterday evening when I couldn't run my normal distance because I was sobbing like a mad woman. I am sure I freaked out some total strangers. I am already on ADs so not sure quite what I can do. I don't want to up the dose if I can avoid it but I may have to. There is no shame. Beleive me,. sometimes it is neccessary. Why suffer when there is help to be had? My counsellor and I build a metaphor that fits me well. I am a wall. H had ripped out some foundation stones so I am wobbling like crazy. H is now trying to build a buttress on one side to shore me up. But I have to build me own buttress on the other side because I need to be able to rely on ME and not just H. Good luck and be kind to yourself xx
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