casually dating an 'ex' (is this a good idea)

[AR0207]

right, some of you might of seen my previous post about a girl who left me confused about what to do (everything was going fine between us until one night & she panicked and called it all off)

 

well last night i agreed to go for a drink with her as friends, i noticed subtle things she was doing that said she wanted more and we got onto the subject of us, i discovered that although she said she only seen me as a friend i was in fact on the line of this 'Friend Zone' because she needed the space to sort out her head, get back into a routine with uni, friends and gym time & because we had gone too quickly, i agreed.

 

i asked her what it is that has me dangling between friends and more & she told me her insecurities from a previous relationship meant her walls were staying up & i didn't give her butterflies (maybe because we went too quickly & she got comfortable too soon i don't know) but i explained to her i didn't always get these butterflies with her, it doesn't mean i feel any less for her, she said her ex gave her these butterflies & she finds getting them an important factor.

 

now her ex had strung her along for the final 10 months of their 4 year relationship & left her heart broken (which is why she needs space to sort out her head) and i explained she would of got butterflies with him because she would of been more open to him & allowed herself to get attached which is what she isn't doing with me because of what happened.

 

anyway we had a few more drinks & we were speaking about what we could do, she asked me what it is that I want, i told her i don't just want to be friends but if she doesn't want a relationship i don't want her to be involved in anything too heavy where she panics so we come to the agreement that we go out on 'casual dates' now & then, no label, pressure or commitment (which we never had in the first place but she felt thats how it ended up and thats why she panicked) and when she is sorted with Uni, gym & had some 'alone time' we can see how its going, that way i don't end up too deep into the friend zone (where we all know is near impossible to get out of) and she gets the space she needs to sort herself out.

 

is this a good idea or am i setting myself up for failure ? i do really like her and i do wanna do best by her but just being friends is very hard for me

[TaraMaiden]

Look: She's made it clear she doesn't feel for you.

As a woman (and maybe it happens to guys as well, but not being male, I can't say) I totally get the "butterflies in the stomach" thing.

It's an absolute cruncher.

And if she's telling you that she doesn't have them with you, your insisting you don't get them with her - means nothing.

Except that you're trying too hard, and that she sees you as wanting something, regardless of feelings. Which to a woman, might mean you're just keen to get your leg over.

because, generally speaking, women want sex = love. men want sex = sex.

 

Don't be friend-zoned if you don't want that. But it's what she wants - and you're not going to get anywhere with this one....