fallen_86 Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 So this is my story.. (sorry its long) I was dating this guy since April, met thru common friends, and he broke up with me end of August... basically it was 4 beautiful months of a summer love! however i always had a problem with his ex (3 years relationship - broke up 2 years before me because he was cheating on my ex and dated others in the meantime). So everytime the ex used to call my ex or used to buy him randomly gifts i was getting annoyed by that and ended up in arguments... I used to apologise afterwards all the time and then we were ok... The day we broke up was because of that reason, basically i was being very jealous. During the relationship he was over the moon with me, all over me mostly everywhere we used to go, and wanted to meet me to everyone he knew!Sort of showing me off to his friends... We were very happy, sex was good, very in love, and lots of common things to share (interests, tv shows, technology gadgets, music, food, etc...) He would never do anything without telling me, even now if i call he will tell me exactly what he did and what his plans are.. thats how he is... After the break up, we met a few times cos we had this common friend inviting us both to some parties etc, and since it was still fresh i was chasing it. We also met alone a few more times where things got more intimated but we didnt have sex ever since the break up... 2 weeks after the break up i asked him to go no contact cos he used to call me all the time saying he missed me etc. I lasted a week when i dropped him an email and after that started communicating again. However he was clear that he doesnt want to be with me again. Long story short, he ended up calling me 3-5 times a day for everything that was goin on his life and to check on me everytime he knew i was goin out and he was saying i was worried that u got home safe... I was the first to call in the morning and the first to know something that was happening to him! Like never changed since the breakup!! thats was killing me. Eventually i asked him to go no contact again cos I couldnt bare the fact that he was so friendly to me. I was basically afraid that being too friendly he might introduce me to someone new he would date and i wanted to avoid that... Eventually after 3 weeks of no contact (didnt deleted him from facebook tho and did not have any interaction there), we randomly met in a shop... he hugged me and chatted a bit, he told me how i changed (appearance), i said the same and then after 5 minutes i told him i had to run so i left. Today i contacted him saying it was a bit uncofortable but it shouldnt cos a few weeks ago we were on the fone normally... He told me he felt the same too but after I asked him if he wants to meet up to catch up he said no as nothing changed yet... (he meant i still have feelings) I know I screwed up big time. I know he is not in love with me but still loves me and never said or did anything bad for/to me. And i know he is in touch with his ex (ex 39 - him 23 - me 25). He told me he would never go back to the ex cos of the cheating, but because its been soo long since what happened he doesnt mind keeping in touch with etc... I trully believe that they are never goin back to each other... although sex is possible sometimes... My question is: I still want this guy back.. I had 4 amazing months with him and all i have in my head are the positive memories.. our weekend trips away, goin out every week, met me to all his friends and family... how do i get him back... I tried NC but it seems like instead of making him miss me, he is forgetting me even more... I really need someones advice. I kno the NC is for me to heal (and i am slowly) and I know its not to make anyone come back... But how can I bare this situation after what happened today and make him come back? And why did he used to call me so many times if he doesnt want to be with me! Thank you all!!
BlankSpace Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 Help yourself. Acknowledge your pain and feel it. Don't try to fight it. NC is the only thing I've known 100% work. Read a guide about 2nd chances, trust me, it'll include NC on it. Please, safe yourself, vent your emotion here, your frustration and everything when days are hard to survive with. Good luck.
Author fallen_86 Posted October 10, 2012 Author Posted October 10, 2012 the sad part is that i know all that... I really want to move on but i really dont wanna lose him! I trully love him and my emotions are in control now! its been two months already... I just dont know how to move on from now on and i know that no contact doesnt help in him remembering me...
salem mark Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 your ex sounds like a total loser, sorry and certainly has no respect for u I would be asking myself, "why was I with him?" Do you suffer from low self esteem (seriously)
geegirl Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 You have to stop chasing. All you can do is NC and try to move on. There is no way to make someone love you back, especially when their feelings have changed. He may care for you, to a certain degree out of guilt or even enjoy your company, just not enough to be in a loving, reciprocal relationship. The thing is, if NC makes him forget you, isn't that a clear sign of the depth of his feelings for you. You're either memorable or fogettable. If it's the latter, then you have your answer. Find your self-respect and dignity. There is no alternative but to let go and move on. Feel the pain of NC. It's temporary. What you are doing right now will give you indefinite pain and confusion.
Author fallen_86 Posted October 10, 2012 Author Posted October 10, 2012 I know u are all so right and i am so discustingly wrong.. I put everything down and i see that everything from the beginning lead to this now... even tho we had some amazing time together.. Im thinkin to remove him off facebook as well... I just cant bare with the fact that he doesnt care for me anymore when i did everything the way he wanted to.. well maybe that was my mistake... do u think i shuld keep him on facebook so he can see how i am doing or ignore him completely, even if i see him out somewhere again?
geegirl Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 do u think i shuld keep him on facebook so he can see how i am doing or ignore him completely, even if i see him out somewhere again? Translation: Do you think I should keep him on my FB so that I can remind him of my existence but more importantly, keep tabs on him? Remove and block because NC not only means no contact but it also means no triggers.
Author fallen_86 Posted October 11, 2012 Author Posted October 11, 2012 Well even if i did remove him, his profile is open so anyone can see it! that would make me trigger to go back anytime.. I know im not that strong... what messages do u think that move would send to him? I know u are all so helpful and ur advice is mostly about making me heal and move on. But in the chances of coming back, is there anything else I should do about it?
Author fallen_86 Posted October 11, 2012 Author Posted October 11, 2012 UPDATE: deleted him from fb... lets see now...
geegirl Posted October 11, 2012 Posted October 11, 2012 Well even if i did remove him, his profile is open so anyone can see it! that would make me trigger to go back anytime.. I know im not that strong... what messages do u think that move would send to him? I know u are all so helpful and ur advice is mostly about making me heal and move on. But in the chances of coming back, is there anything else I should do about it? When you block someone, they can't see you nor can you see them.
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