Maraststaa Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 I broke up with my ex two and a half weeks ago. We went two weeks without contact. The breakup was hard for me, but I felt SO acomplished that I had actually made it two weeks without her. Last Thursday and yesterday I made the mistake of answering her phone calls. I even told her I loved her right before we hungup. ever since then, I feel so guilty. I feel like I betrayed all of my friends and family who were helping me cope through the breakup. I also feel like I betrayed myself.. I completely hated her, but after I got off the phone my grudges sort of faded? How could I do that to myself, let someone so evil back into my life I feel like I've started all over and its back to day one of our breakup. Sad - Can't get her off my mind, and my stomach hurts. But the main thing that keeps me up at night is how I betrayed not only my friends and family, but myself Is it alright if I can somehow forgive myself and go back to NO contact with her? Is it messed up that I finally talk to her, then dissapear for a second time and never talk to her again? I really am beating myself up over this, but I feel so ashamed and guilty Help
spaniard Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 Ok, now listen. This is about you. You and your healing process. You jumped back to Day 1 (that's why you should never ever break NC!). You learnt the lesson. But now, if you want to get better, stick to NC. Honestly, you will never get over her if you stay in touch with her. Yes, you love her. Just like I loved my ex after the break up. After 2,5 of very strict NC, I'm feeling so good that I even opened a topic to tell the community here that I'm getting so much better. You will get better, too, if you really want. There are tons of guides in this forum that will help you. Good luck 1
sadguy82 Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 I don't know what prompted the break-up but I think N/C is plain bitter. It don't matter anymore who did what to who, the point is she wanted to talk to you and you obviously wanted to talk to her. If you do love her then love her and don't feel sorry for your family. If they love you they will be fine with your decision. If they don't like her they should respect that you do. Hate and bitterness is no way to live. We all hit bumps in the road, make mistakes. You let her go and stood tall for a few weeks, now she's back. That's telling you something right there! Simply tell your family thank you for being there when I needed you the most, but I think we might try to work things out. Sure your cousins and uncles might rag on you for a while, but I'm sure they aren't going to disown you over it. You didn't tell the girl you loved her for no reason. It would be cruel to step off and go back to "NC"..... Work it out man, it's better to have a big heart then a cold one. 1
PlanB123 Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 you understand that nc is the best thing for you. its no biggy that you broke it. you learnt that it didn't help and so now you will be more inclined to stay nc this time. its helping me to let go realizing how pointless it is to hold on. that's why i feel no inclination to break nc. its pointless. it achieves nothing.
bonespockirk Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 you know... my baby broke up with me and gave me closure by telling me that he wants to see other ppl and that he always felt pressure and rushed by me and that he realized that im not what he wants. those are the things i remind myself every day because every day i just wanna call him and tell him how much i love him. And all my friends that are being kind to me... i cant thank them enough right now... at least i have the comfort of knowing that he will never come back and contact me, but i would feel the same way if i ever let him know how much he means to me or how much it hurts to be without him. i would feel weak and like i betrayed all the people who have been caring and loving towards me since he dumped my ass, and i would feel like i betrayed myself. its been about a week of no contact, and he hasnt actually called me in two weeks probably... dont feel bad about yourself right now... just dont hurt yourself anymore. remind yourself that as much as this person may 'care' about you they are NOT into you. they probably dont want to hurt you but they are not at any position to give you the love that you want and they never will be. im sorry if that sounds harsh. its just how i try to get day to day since he left... i try to be as real as i can about the whole thing... i just pray to god that i find somebody else with time that i love as much as i love-d him. my heart will hurt for as long as i feel like he is what i want in life.
CopingGal Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 (edited) I broke up with my ex two and a half weeks ago. We went two weeks without contact. The breakup was hard for me, but I felt SO acomplished that I had actually made it two weeks without her. Last Thursday and yesterday I made the mistake of answering her phone calls. I even told her I loved her right before we hungup. ever since then, I feel so guilty. I feel like I betrayed all of my friends and family who were helping me cope through the breakup. I also feel like I betrayed myself.. I completely hated her, but after I got off the phone my grudges sort of faded? How could I do that to myself, let someone so evil back into my life I feel like I've started all over and its back to day one of our breakup. Sad - Can't get her off my mind, and my stomach hurts. But the main thing that keeps me up at night is how I betrayed not only my friends and family, but myself Is it alright if I can somehow forgive myself and go back to NO contact with her? Is it messed up that I finally talk to her, then dissapear for a second time and never talk to her again? I really am beating myself up over this, but I feel so ashamed and guilty Help My goodness, you need to stop this right now...Listen to me, EVERYONE breaks NC. Goodness, you are being so very, very, very hard on yourself. You betrayed your friends and family? NO. You only broke up a few weeks ago and you slipped up. Believe me, it's no big deal...this stuff happens all the time. Some people slip after months and months...even after a year....okay? You need to stop this and stop putting so much pressure on yourself. You were just being human. It happens and it might happen again, one time or several times...because you are human. Breaking NC doesn't stop the world from turning. It just makes it harder to heal. Time will go by, you will get stronger, but you will probably have lots of set-backs because you are a human being. So chill out, relax, take your mistakes as they come and be gentle with yourself. Edited October 13, 2012 by CopingGal
GLDheart Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 Is the real reason you're kicking yourself that when you told her "I love you..." she was silent on the other end? If so, I get that you now have regrets about even taking the call. Oh well. Her hesitation, in that case, will help you see her for what she is now. In time, that is how you will move on.
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