broke up - 3 days without contact and it's killing me! How can I stay strong?

[supergirl79]

So I finally made the break, it was hard but it became evident that he wasn't into the relationship as much as I was and it was hurting me so much! Here's the background: he recently moved out, one week ago and about 2 months before that, he went from working an 8-5 job to shift working; maintaing a very new and inconvenience schedule of Thurs, Fri, Sat and every other wed nights! Well, I still work 8-5 so we hardly ever saw each other as it was, then he moved out last week, but still wanted to be in a relationship with me. Is this a red flag for me? He said he needed space, which I can understand since I was pushing (actually, practically begging) him to hang out with me. Initially, he would do everything for me, sweep me off my feet....I felt like it was too good to be true. apparently, it was. So, after 10 months, he moves out and said he'd make it work (meaning, he'd make the effort since his schedule was so much different than mine) - and he knows I need more time with him than he does with me. I just enjoyed his company so much, and then last week, I hadn't seen him in 5 days. So, Sunday night was the first night we'd be able to spend together and since he worked nights, he sleeps most of the day until about 4. He calls at 4:30 and said a friend was bringing a bed over, but he'd call me after that. So, I decide to make dinner and tried to create a romantic evening for us since we hadn't seen each other - well, I waited and waited and waited, finally shut my phone off at 9PM. Well, I couldn't help it, so at 9:30 I checked my messages and sure enough he called. By then, I'd eaten dinner and drank half the wine on my own because I was so frustrated and hurt. Basically he told me he didn't understand and that i should understand that he's busy, but so am I and if this thing si going to work, he has to put me ahead of some things! It's been like this for awhile, where he's stopped appreciating me, I am NEVER a priority anymore, and that's frustrating! I went and got him this housewarming gift, and some plants for his house and he won't even make the effort to hang out with me when he knows how bad I wanted to see him!

 

At the end of the conversation, I basically told him I was done - he won't do anything for me or with me anymore and I would give him the world! EAch day it was tearing me apart! I told him that if he wasn't going to try then he needed to let me go and not keep telling me that he loves me because it's apparent that he doesn't. He kept telling me "I love you" when I'd start saying something, he's messing with my mind, and I knwe it. I basically told him to prove to me that he loves me and only call me again when he actually misses me, because i"m sick of the games he's playing with me, meaning he wants me around, but doesn't want to do anything with me, but doesn't want anyone else to have me. He still has some stuff to pick up at my house, which I told him to come by and get - that was all on Sunday and now it's Wednesday. I haven't heard from him since that night and he hasn't picked up his stuff. I truly do love him, but he needs to treat me better and I know that, but what i don't understand is how he can tell me he loves me and then not even make the effort?

 

Can anyone help me understand what he's doing, why he hasn't called or picked up his stuff? It's so hard for me to not call or email him and tell him that i love him - but I know i need to leave him alone. Do you think he'll eventually realize? How can I convince myself that no contact is the best option? It is so hard and I miss him so much!

[FreeMe]

I'm sorry for what you're going through. I'm afraid I don't have any insight into his behavior. I think you are pretty much on target - he loves you, doesn't want to make an effort, but doesn't want anyone else to have you.

 

I think you're doing the right thing. The way to stay strong is to think how miserable you feel when he blows you off and makes excuses - and think how much more miserable you will feel as that continues day after day after day.

 

It's hard, but the hardest part I think is actually having the courage to end it.