Ex Contacted Me After 5 Months - Need On How To Proceed

[ssmith3427]

Hi,

 

Seems a long time ago since I posted my first post, how things change, my feeling are mellowed, still feel for my ex but I can imagine life without her now

 

Anyway, 3 weeks ago she added my dad to her facebook, 2 weeks ago she sent my brother asking if I was ok and told him not to say she had been asking about me.

 

Now, she has unblocked me on facebook, and sent me a message saying simply.. "Hi.."

 

Sadly, yes it did affect me which sucks because it shows I do still have feelings for her. Also, I know this is only the infamous bread crumbs. I couldn't help but look at her facebook and noticed that she is in a lovely new relationship where it is all perfect. Oh well.

 

Ok, so where I am at now. I was head over heels for her, my first love, and I really loved her. Which made me a.... yes man. I lost my family due to moving away at the time I started dating her, and I think this made my boundaries none existent. I really want to show her that I am not that push over, because in truth I really am not. I am strong, hard, and all that, but she never got to see that. So I want to show her, but I also know that is the grand scheme of things it really does not matter. So why bother? Because my pride and ego is shouting to me. So I am listening to it, good or bad thing to do.

 

So my responses.

 

1. Do nothing.

 

2. Do nothing, block her from FB.

 

3. Send her this..

 

Skip the small talk... It’s about as relevant as Mike Tyson... Why? If I want your opinion I’ll come beat your door down to get it... don’t walk around facebook messaging me... Why don’t you go grab a pink sharpie, find a Nicki Minaj poster, and colour it in... Your drawing skills are about as authentic as your cooking abilities... Beat it....!!

 

All in all, looking for advice in general, consequences to all my options, and why the heck she is bothering me with stupid breadcrumbs...

[Svet74]

your totally right. saying hi over facebook is so lame

 

how about calling you, saying hey can we talk? i made a mistake? that sounds better

[Million.to.1]

Do not send her that message. It makes you sound bitter and like she still has control over you and you are still a yes man because a simple "hi" caused such a reaction.

 

If i were you, I would just ignore her. If you block her from FB, it also looks like you are still hurting and angry.

 

This is breadcrumbs, and will do noting for you if you partake in this.

 

Did your Dad add her as a friend? Why? I don't get what the point of that is at all. He should of just left the request sitting there and not accept or Deny.

 

If she tries to contact you again... i would then reply a short message just saying something like,

 

"Hi, hope you are well. I'm sorry, but I don't really see the point of reconnecting at the moment , on Facebook, or in real life. I just don't think it will really do either of us any good. Take care though. "

 

Then stick to NC.

[ssmith3427]

Yeah I'd love her to respond with a bit more maturity as opposed to a "hi." She knows how much it hurt me... I guess it must have been hard for her to. But still...

 

I guess she is only 20, it must come with the age.

 

I just thought if I go for option 3 and reply, it is going to hurt when she responds. Don't know if I want that, even though it would be good to show her I have a backbone lol.

 

Guess I don't know what to do, and someone once said if you don't know what to do, then do nothing at all. I shall apply that so far. Night!

[ssmith3427]

You might have a point, a simply hi would did cause a pretty long reaction. Never took that into consideration.. Hmmmmmm..

 

Yeah I don't think I will block her, and your right they are breadcrumbs, and my response to the other post was, if I do partake in a repsonse, will it hurt? I think it will. So as much as I want to, I don't think I will.

 

My dad has taken her off facebook, I simply said it was up to him what he does.

 

Thanks for the input so far guys.

 

Last thing I want is to not come across as the... yes man.

[Chi townD]

Yeah, I would stay away from option number 3.

 

Ignore her. She's in a loving and caring relationship with a NEW guy *puke*.

 

So, she has someone else to say "Hi" to. She has no business contacting you.

 

OR

 

You can Facebook message her new boyfriend and say, " Could you please tell your girlfriend to stop contacting me. We dated before you but it's over. I'm not interested anymore. So, could you pass that along for me? Thanks!! Have a good day!!"

 

betcha she'll stop contacting you.......Okay, don't do that. I was just feeling vindictive.

[blue_jay_bird]

I feel ignoring the person is immature.

 

Ignoring is not the point of NC.

 

Just state: "I'm sorry, i can't talk to you cause any more, i'm moving on. Please don't contact me."

 

You can send her NC stuff. or You can put more wordy bull**** in to make you softer or harder.

 

But make your point, and don't respond after that.

[Million.to.1]

 

You can Facebook message her new boyfriend and say, " Could you please tell your girlfriend to stop contacting me. We dated before you but it's over. I'm not interested anymore. So, could you pass that along for me? Thanks!! Have a good day!!"

 

That's a terrible idea. Why stir? why create drama? If i got a message like that from my boyfriends ex i would think it was pathetic. Me and my boyfriend would probably be laughing about it and thinking how sad it is that they were trying to create a problem between us or something.

 

Trust me... Do nothing. Ignore it. It is the strongest and more mature course of action.

[witmadskilllz]

She's in a new relationship already... seriously, what in the ****???? There's literally no reason for you to reconcile with her or any of that sort. Better yet, if she's like this with her new man and still contacts her ex's. That's a red flag imo, good thing you dodged a bullet this one mate. Stick with NC, just ignore it, no need to any more time on her. Silence is key!

[NoMoreJerks]

Hi,

 

Seems a long time ago since I posted my first post, how things change, my feeling are mellowed, still feel for my ex but I can imagine life without her now

 

Anyway, 3 weeks ago she added my dad to her facebook, 2 weeks ago she sent my brother asking if I was ok and told him not to say she had been asking about me.

 

Now, she has unblocked me on facebook, and sent me a message saying simply.. "Hi.."

 

Sadly, yes it did affect me which sucks because it shows I do still have feelings for her. Also, I know this is only the infamous bread crumbs. I couldn't help but look at her facebook and noticed that she is in a lovely new relationship where it is all perfect. Oh well.

 

Ok, so where I am at now. I was head over heels for her, my first love, and I really loved her. Which made me a.... yes man. I lost my family due to moving away at the time I started dating her, and I think this made my boundaries none existent. I really want to show her that I am not that push over, because in truth I really am not. I am strong, hard, and all that, but she never got to see that. So I want to show her, but I also know that is the grand scheme of things it really does not matter. So why bother? Because my pride and ego is shouting to me. So I am listening to it, good or bad thing to do.

 

So my responses.

 

1. Do nothing.

 

2. Do nothing, block her from FB.

 

3. Send her this..

 

Skip the small talk... It’s about as relevant as Mike Tyson... Why? If I want your opinion I’ll come beat your door down to get it... don’t walk around facebook messaging me... Why don’t you go grab a pink sharpie, find a Nicki Minaj poster, and colour it in... Your drawing skills are about as authentic as your cooking abilities... Beat it....!!

 

All in all, looking for advice in general, consequences to all my options, and why the heck she is bothering me with stupid breadcrumbs...

Has she added you on facebook, or just sent you a mssg without adding you? If the latter, then don't answer, and don't block. If she added you, and you accepted the add, that was mistake #1 on your part. It showed her that you were hoping for something, and removing her will send that signal too. But what's done is done, I suppose. I would just ignore the mssg, and remove her from my fb if you've added her back.

 

I hope you are aware that NOTHING will come out of this. Nothing good for you, at any rate.

 

She may be doing this for any number of reasons, but all of them are about HER and about making HER feel good, and not about YOU.

 

-Maybe she is curious where you're at and wants an ego boost in case you are still single ("he couldn't find anyone better than me"; "no one wants him")

-Maybe she wants to make sure you are still around, in case she needs a fallback guy, and wants to see if you are still interested.

-and so on...

You get the gist.

Edited October 10, 2012 by NoMoreJerks

[mvc]

if you HAVE to respond then just put "Hi".

[Chi townD]

 

betcha she'll stop contacting you.......Okay, don't do that. I was just feeling vindictive.

 

Hey Million, I think you skipped over my last sentence of my post!

[Coyoteloco]

ignore that message she sent you. Unfriend her from facebook. get back on the whores .. . horse*

 

I mean she gots a new boyfriend now, forget about her!!! i wouldnt take her back if she kissed another man!

[KatZee]

Honestly, I would do nothing.

 

"Hi"

 

What is that? It's been 5 months, she dumped you right? And now she's being a weirdo and adding your FATHER on fb? And then just says "Hi" ?

 

I would ignore it. If she wants to talk to you about getting back or trying again, she'll be trying a hell of a lot harder than, "hi."

[Jono85]

Honestly, I would do nothing.

 

"Hi"

 

What is that? It's been 5 months, she dumped you right? And now she's being a weirdo and adding your FATHER on fb? And then just says "Hi" ?

 

I would ignore it. If she wants to talk to you about getting back or trying again, she'll be trying a hell of a lot harder than, "hi."

 

this.

 

 

don't listen to ANY advice saying to do anything other than IGNORE. trust me. Hi??? really?? that's it?? through facebook?? don't even bother man. any kind of response, even a "Hi" back, could make her feel like she still has you. imagine if she doesn't write you anything after you msg her back Hi. how will that feel? it will be a total mindf***. wait for something MUCH more substantial if you are going to respond.

[ssmith3427]

Some really good input guys, and has give me a lot to think about.

 

Firstly, I want to say that without this kind of advice, I would have already made some stupid and harmful (emotionally), mistakes. This goes for the above advice and the other advice I am have been given in the last months. So I mean it, "thank you" and the advice "really" does help me a lot.

 

Ok. I have decided to not do anything at all. I figured that if I reply, I am giving her some satisfaction that she knows I am still there. She treated me bad, and if I reply, it justifies how she treated me. It is slightly immature not replying, but I think if I did reply, she would take it as me being weak, not me being mature.

 

I talked it over with my dad, went over the advice from you guys, and I said I want to show her I am strong. He said, she knows how much I loved her (the day of the breakup was a scene from a A++ Hollywood movie!) and that me not contacting her despite knowing how much I care shows her strength in itself.

 

Part of me want to manipulate the situation, get her to think more about me, plan moves to get her attention and "craving me." But love and relationships should not be like this in my opinion, so I am not going to do it.

 

I think that she needs to say something more than "hi" for me to reply, I don't know what she expects, like I am just going to come out of the blue and say I've missed her, I want her, etc, because I am not. She added me as a friend twice, then retracted the invite twice lol, I have not accepted her invite, nor have I sent an invite. She has her profile to public, so I was able to see it.

 

She has lost weight, and seeing her with another guy was not as hard as I thought, and to be honest she does not look as attractive as when she was with me, maybe that's just me, I don't know.

 

One thing I do know is that the door is closing fast, if she came over to me and said all the right things I would "date" her again I think, but I would really have to think about it. I can see a time not long away where I will never date her again, don't want to be near her, etc. That door has not closed yet, but it has been set in motion.

 

Your right. I don't think anything good can come out of this for me. Great point made is what if I would have replied to her, and then she ignored me. That would be a totally meltdown for me. My pride and ego are coming back, and her contacting me once via text to get her stuff back, adding my dad, facebook messaging my bro, and now unblocking me and sending me a message has been great for me ego. She still thinks about me. That's just fine because I have it all to offer, and maybe one day she will see what she gambled away.

 

So I will stay NC. Thanks all

Edited October 10, 2012 by ssmith3427

[ssmith3427]

As a quick sidenote.

 

Good or bad thing, I have an ego and pride. It's really annoying me that I had no backbone in the relationship, was a yes man, door mat, and pretty much a bitch...

 

Is there anyway I can show her that I am far from all the above, and that she never knew me at all. I don't think there is, so I might have to just accept that I will never be manly enough in her eyes.

 

But if there is a way to show her I am not that person I want to explore it. My ego and pride call for blood lol.

 

It seems childish but I'm only listening to the inner me

 

Or, is me not contacting/replying to her enough for her to think maybe he has a backbone?

 

Cheers,

[KatZee]

As a quick sidenote.

 

Good or bad thing, I have an ego and pride. It's really annoying me that I had no backbone in the relationship, was a yes man, door mat, and pretty much a bitch...

 

Is there anyway I can show her that I am far from all the above, and that she never knew me at all. I don't think there is, so I might have to just accept that I will never be manly enough in her eyes.

 

But if there is a way to show her I am not that person I want to explore it. My ego and pride call for blood lol.

 

It seems childish but I'm only listening to the inner me

 

Or, is me not contacting/replying to her enough for her to think maybe he has a backbone?

 

Cheers,

 

Not responding is the best way to go. Any reaction from you is positive response for her. She tugs on the leash, and if you respond, that shows you're still attached and waiting.

 

If she tugs on the leash and all it does is go limp, with no response back... she's got no pull with you. She doesn't have the upper hand, or the power anymore.

[PlanB123]

As a quick sidenote.

 

Good or bad thing, I have an ego and pride. It's really annoying me that I had no backbone in the relationship, was a yes man, door mat, and pretty much a bitch...

 

Is there anyway I can show her that I am far from all the above, and that she never knew me at all. I don't think there is, so I might have to just accept that I will never be manly enough in her eyes.

 

But if there is a way to show her I am not that person I want to explore it. My ego and pride call for blood lol.

 

It seems childish but I'm only listening to the inner me

 

Or, is me not contacting/replying to her enough for her to think maybe he has a backbone?

 

Cheers,

 

i feel exactly the same way. i acted out of character, like i never have before.

and although its petty and doesn't really matter now -- yeah i would like to show her what she has left behind.

 

that's where fb becomes your friend again. don't add her, just have your public profile relatively open. then go about improving yourself in every way (for you of course) and just have a little chuckle to yourself at the thought that at some point she will check your profile again. it might be months and months before i ever cross my ex's mind but i am sure i will at some point. something in her day will trigger it.

 

i have no delusions that it will 'get me ex back' -- as i've said before, i don't want that.

 

just wanna repair my ego a little.

 

but yeah--use fb as your personal advertising board.

 

its also great for new girls. that's what you should really be using it for. when a new girl can go on your profile and see all your pics of you living a great and fun-filled life full of friend and travel, it will be a bonus.