Anela Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 I'm not interested in taken guys or guys who seem to get a lot of action. I'm actually more interested in guys who haven't been intimate with anyone for awhile, or ever. I like being the one to break a dry spell or 'take' someone's virginity (I've been the first for two guys I dated); everything tends to be more intense that way. The last guy I had a fling with, I was really turned on when I found out he hadn't had sex in 6 months. I felt that way about one guy, who hadn't had sex in something like five/six years - when I thought it was because he had chosen that. When I realized he was extremely bitter/insecure and suddenly felt the need to have more than one girlfriend to bolster his ego? ugh. 2
xxoo Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 I have learned through bitter experience to avoid the guy who has too many female friends and the guy who has lots of "options." He's not a prize worth having or fighting for. I'm too long in the tooth to fight another woman or a gaggle of women for a man. His heart is either mine, or it's not. I can't see fighting for a guy who has a lot of "options" (women he is sleeping with). But I'm attracted to a man who has a lot of options, and is picky about who he dates. The last line is true regardless of whether he has options.
LittlePrince Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 I was talking to my brothers about girls and how girls seem to want him more since he has a GF. It made me think about something I read that girls like the dudes with the most options. It got me thinking - is it bad if a guy gives off the aura that he is "pre-selected" or assumes pre-selection? I'm guessing it's something else that is correlated that acts as a prerequisite to pre-selection. What do you think? Women want the most desirable guy in part since it improves her social status if she gets him.
EasyHeart Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 I'm not interested in taken guys or guys who seem to get a lot of action. I'm actually more interested in guys who haven't been intimate with anyone for awhile, or ever. I like being the one to break a dry spell or 'take' someone's virginity (I've been the first for two guys I dated); everything tends to be more intense that way. The last guy I had a fling with, I was really turned on when I found out he hadn't had sex in 6 months.You are such a cute little Aries!!!
EasyHeart Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 I was talking to my brothers about girls and how girls seem to want him more since he has a GF. It made me think about something I read that girls like the dudes with the most options. It got me thinking - is it bad if a guy gives off the aura that he is "pre-selected" or assumes pre-selection? I'm guessing it's something else that is correlated that acts as a prerequisite to pre-selection. What do you think?I'm not completely sold on this pre-selection stuff. I suspect what happens is that guys who are dating or married find that women give them more attention because they are "safe" -- since the men are taken, the women assume it's safe to talk to them because they won't have to worry about the guy hitting on them or misinterpreting their friendliness for sexual interest. Then the men turn around and think, "Wow, she wants me! She wants me bad!" when nothing could be further from the truth. 1
somedude81 Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 I actually think it would work on a lot of girls, and that's not a criticism at all. It's human nature to want what other people have/be intrigued by something everyone else likes. Human nature maybe, but it strikes me as childish. How many times have you noticed a toy nobody was playing with. Then somebody picks it up and suddenly everybody wants it. Also, a girl having a lot of guys around her does not make her more attractive. It's a serious red flag. :lmao: With their attitudes? I think emphatically not. The guys I was with who fit the inexperienced bill didn't constantly whine about it and/or blame women for it. And you know this because you were with them 24/7 and heard what they said to their friends and posted on the internet? All before you started dating them?
Emilia Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 Interesting theory on pre-selection, not sure about it as a rule. Maybe some taken guys attract women because they are generally good with women? In some cases it's not even obvious that he has someone. But then again there are women that go for married men, they get a kick out of taking someone from another woman or are just weak. Personally nothing makes my vagina grow cobwebs faster than finding out that the man I'm interested in is taken. So the sniffing Mr Castle referred to doesn't work for me.
Mrlonelyone Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 I have found this to be true. When I am involved with someone suddenly more people want to be involved with me. When I am not involved with someone no one wants to get involved. One time in the cafeteria at college, about 8-9 years ago, I was sitting alone and for some reason a table of girls was pointing and laughing at me. Until a girl who was a friend sat down next to me. They gasped and went silent. Suddenly I was attractive to them. This did not bother me at the time. A little latter I reconnected with a woman I dated on and off, S. After that suddenly women were more attracted to me. I did not talk about her or anything, so it couldn't be that I was suddenly "safe". It has to have been some kind of air of confidence. As someone else put it, it's like a employer checking your credit and references. This is not just me saying it. Women want the most desirable guy in part since it improves her social status if she gets him. I have seen women, young ones in particular, check with their friends about a guy and sometimes dump him if they did not like him. In fact empirical research bears out this observation. Effects of Attractiveness and Social Status on Dating Desire in Heterosexual Adolescents: An Experimental Study They found that for both young men and women attraction was needed for someone to even be on the dating radar. Given two equally attractive people the one who would bring higher social status was who the young women picked. Men considered a womans social standing but did not choose based on it, attraction was more important. As applied to adults. this translates to issues of money, education etc. http://www.nytimes.com/2005/05/19/national/class/MARRIAGE-FINAL.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0 TL;DR: The air of being taken is just one component of social status. Having a SO already is one sure sign of social desirability and gives one confidence. Both of which are things that women, and even men, find attractive in a mate. 1
RogerWallace111 Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 It's no doubt a combination of a few elements suggested in here. A guy with "options" or who's in a relationship is already having his needs fulfilled female-wise, thus winning over new women isn't any priority. This keeps him from ever seeming "desperate" or nervous in his interaction with women, because he's unconcerned about making any impression that he's sexually or romantically desirable. Resulting in an easygoing air of natural confidence and mental collection unclouded by other desires. Not to mention the possibility of a girl being thrown off, intrigued & attracted by the guys lack of focus on her (take Castle's friend in the pizza spot). If he's actually out with girls physically around him, as someone pointed out, their presence alone is vouching for his appeal, showing he's "safe", and that he has something to offer to the opposite sex. That being said, if a guy is straight up draped in chicks, looking like a player, it probably won't attract too cool of new women (like the one's on here who said they wouldn't be into that). A classy female friend or 2 er 3, who simply look theyre having fun with you can definitely help you out. 1
RogerWallace111 Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 One time in the cafeteria at college, about 8-9 years ago, I was sitting alone and for some reason a table of girls was pointing and laughing at me. Until a girl who was a friend sat down next to me. They gasped and went silent. Suddenly I was attractive to them. This did not bother me at the time. Classic... Particularly cool when the girl youre with is more attractive and/or very apparently "cooler" than the others 1
carhill Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 My anecdote is that the flirtation, breast rubbing, hip jutting, coquettish smiling, etc, etc, pretty much ended when I took my wedding ring off. I experimented a little while separated, meaning wearing a ring and not, adjunct to some postings/journals here on LS, but otherwise the overt female attention ended with the marriage. I even noticed this amongst MW's, meaning a change in their behavior, like suddenly a potentially single man was not appropriate in the same way as before. Interesting stuff. Pre-selection a myth? Perhaps. I haven't personally seen it as a myth but maybe that vision is outlier to norms for myths. What's striking is that I feel far healthier now than I did for many years in my M when I was getting all that generally unwanted attention. Guess that's the way life works.
somedude81 Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 Looks like I need to get a fake wife. Should it be a happy fake marriage or should we be having problems?
Recommended Posts