thembones Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 My ex left me 2 months ago and we have been in NC for over a month. It is really the only thing that I can do at this point. Anyways, we met about 3 weeks after the breakup to catch up on things. It went well and I got closure at the end of it all. She works at a pharmacy store and is visible while she works. Anyways, she told me that it would be okay if I "stopped by and picked up a Vitamin Water sometime." She made it very clear of her intentions to not be with me, but why bait me like that? I do not know if I could be a "friend" right now, as seeing her (even a picture) is a setback for me. She has done much better with the breakup (as the dumper) and may be dating again. She has made no real effort to contact me, except a text a few weeks ago about a person we knew who died. So I guess what I am asking is: Does she want to be friends or keep me around? I don't get it, being the dumpee. I know that it is probably nothing, but I have nothing else right now anyways.
blue_jay_bird Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 Yeah, i got together with my ex, for an goodbye talk and some of his last works made me ...gah...they want to keep you around. They think; ill play with this toy, break it, and some how it will still be around. They are being selfish. Him: "If i contact you in a few month's, would you come and get a coffee with me" Me: "But it's over" Him: Black stare. Me: "It's over" Him: "Is that what you want" Me: "If it was up to me we would be together" Him: Blank Stare. You see the great communication. You guy's aren't on the same page. Communication is key, and he's leading you on with breadcrumbs. ( He may not know it) He's problary just trying to be nice, feels guilt. Plus, when you go NC for sometime, the ex start's to feel out of control again. Keeping you around make's him feel better, and in control of the mess he made.
salem mark Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 forget her, she trying to be nice, you r overthinking this , move on 1
flitzanu Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 unless "vitamin water" is code for vagina, then no, she's not trying to lead you on. 1
Author thembones Posted October 11, 2012 Author Posted October 11, 2012 forget her, she trying to be nice, you r overthinking this , move on I do over think a lot of things, and I do think she was just trying to be nice. She left me and that is that, nothing I can do about it. Going to her workplace would just make me feel worse and seem more needy. I wish it meant something else, but it obviously does not. I am trying to forget her, but she is imbedded in my head unfortunately. As time passes I think about her less and I know that more time will lead to the same results. I don't know if she wants to be friends or not, but I am unable to provide that service for her now. 1
Balzac Posted October 11, 2012 Posted October 11, 2012 Dude, what she wants ceased importance in your life when she kicked you to the curb. Think of what's best for you in your journey to heal and move on. Nothing is about her anymore. Period. 1
prof_blink Posted October 28, 2012 Posted October 28, 2012 Dude, what she wants ceased importance in your life when she kicked you to the curb. Think of what's best for you in your journey to heal and move on. Nothing is about her anymore. Period. ^ That totally makes sense. I've been asking myself the same question about my ex. I was dumped three months ago, after a pretty short but what felt like a perfect relationship. After making all the promises of our future together, he turned around one day suddenly and told me he still had feelings for his ex of seven years... so we called it quits. To say i was devastated is an understatement. And now, after two months of no contact, he is back, saying he still wants me in his life. We met for dinner, had a really nice evening, talked a lot, said he was still attracted to me and cared for me but didn't want to get back together with me. I don't think we've ever been so honest with each other as we were that night. We agreed to try and give being friends a go. But I haven't heard from him since that night (about two weeks ago). So i feel like we're in this weird limbo where we're not together but not really friends either. So I've wondered the same thing... what does he really want? And the conclusion i've come to is that he doesn't want to close the door on us... he wants to keep this option open. I know he has been dating other girls (unsuccessfully) and i guess he is hoping i'll be the back up plan if something better doesn't come along. It's selfish. And that is why Balzac's point really resonates with me. What the dumper wants is no longer important. What you/I want is what matters. Take control. They ended it. It's up to you/I what happens next. Unfortunately... that is where i am struggling. I don't know whether to walk away and completely remove a person i cared for terribly from my life or whether I should carry on being a rock for someone who hurt me in the hope he might one day change his mind.
frederickkk Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 ^ Take control. They ended it. It's up to you/I what happens next. Unfortunately... that is where i am struggling. I don't know whether to walk away and completely remove a person i cared for terribly from my life or whether I should carry on being a rock for someone who hurt me in the hope he might one day change his mind. same here
River Rain Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 I guess that's her way of saying she's okay if you shop at her place of work. Just a guess on my part, but I'd agree with the people who said you're overthinking it. If she's made it very clear it's over and she's dating and has moved on, then you should too.
Recommended Posts