dpc1192 Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 Okay so I was dating a girl who I loved and she loved me for about 10 months. We're in college and this year we both live very far from campus which is stressful, and with class, friends, and everything it made it hard to make time for one another.. We fought alot, generally when we were drunk, and generally over things like her not making time for me/ sometimes sneaking out to be with her friends. But I didn't care if she hung out with them, I just wanted her to communicate what she was up to. Now after the last fight, (her making me wait for hours for her, and not going out with my friends as a result), we got into an argument. We've gotten into alot of fights honestly, generally they pass quickly because she always has loved me enough to not care and understand. She understands me and still loves me. A big group of my friends and hers went out the other night and I wasn't giving her any attention. She later on freaked out on me, telling me how mean i was to her, telling me how i never loved her, and all this. The whole time she was staring at me waiting for me to give her attention and freaked when I didn't. She obviously wants to be with me . I tell her the next day I guess you were just drunk last night and she said "Maybe, I guess" she's so unsure of what she wants. A day or so later she told me how she doesn't want to hear about me hooking up with other girls blah blah. That was last Weds., the next day she texted me back immediately and was all cute and sweet. We had been texting till Saturday, not much just a little bit. She kept saying how she just doesn't know. Well today she texts me after me telling her i'll let her be let me know when you want to talk a few days ago.. She says " I don't know if talking is a good idea, I feel like our problems may be irreparable" I respond telling her " I don't think that's true, all I would want would to take things day to day and be simple and have no expectations." then "All i want is a chance for you to hear my thoughts because I have done alot of reflecting and realization on what I want in life" She then responds immediately "Okey I can hear your thoughts" and then I don't respond so later on she says " Lets talk soon then " later on I text her back and she texts me immediately, like she's ready to talk. So what do I say when we talk? I want her back, I want her to know things will be easy and comfortable and I won't have expectations. I know we needed a break and it was good for us to think it over, but I know I'm still on her mind. ADVICE PLEASE VERY IMPORTANT TO ME ! THANKS FOR READING
Author dpc1192 Posted October 9, 2012 Author Posted October 9, 2012 also in the beginning she chased me for months. she even told me she wouldn't wait till after thanksgiving break if I didn't ask her out and she did. We've always been right for one another in our friend group, but I got lost in the time we'd been dating and thinking of the whole college thing/ the future. She asked my best friend " is he happy? " and he said he thought it was because she wasn't...
todreaminblue Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 also in the beginning she chased me for months. she even told me she wouldn't wait till after thanksgiving break if I didn't ask her out and she did. We've always been right for one another in our friend group, but I got lost in the time we'd been dating and thinking of the whole college thing/ the future. She asked my best friend " is he happy? " and he said he thought it was because she wasn't... if she waited for you she is into you....sounds like you need to communicate you need to sort out what you want you haven't really given much clue to that or stated what she wants....so i feel a lack of communication is hampering a possible closeness.....do you want to be with her and does she want to be with you ....I would say yes considering she waited for you.....What i have noticed from most of the posts on here asking for advice on how to deal with things is unable to communicate with the problem at hand.....so what is stopping you from talking to her is my question to you? Do you need advice on how to start the discussion?....deb
Author dpc1192 Posted October 9, 2012 Author Posted October 9, 2012 because we're broken up now.... and we've always had problems of communication, i love her, she loves me, but she's always had problems showing it to me and reminding me. she tells me and she does things for me, but either im spoiled and take them for granted or she really is just bad at communicating thats always been an issue.. oh and i was saying she waited for me in the beginning not now post breakup..
Author dpc1192 Posted October 9, 2012 Author Posted October 9, 2012 a problem is i was drunk and texted her i missed her a few days ago... ugh if not for the night she acted like she wanted me i wouldn't have caved
todreaminblue Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 because we're broken up now.... and we've always had problems of communication, i love her, she loves me, but she's always had problems showing it to me and reminding me. she tells me and she does things for me, but either im spoiled and take them for granted or she really is just bad at communicating thats always been an issue.. oh and i was saying she waited for me in the beginning not now post breakup.. Lots of people have problems communicating normally if you have two people who are bad at it....it is a hard slog........because opening a discussion is hard work......I am good at being bad at communicating i perfect that....I prefer to get involved in a conversation that i don't start.I can be extremely random if i start a conversation......but once a conversation is started i open up and am honest with what i feel and think......that's how i avoid being random....yeah ok im strange....;0).....i have found if i wanted to initiate a conversation ill start with a question to ease myself into it......i do this a lot and it works for me....once involved in a discussion i can keep it going if they haven't walked off on me this has happened to me in key situations and it leaves me paralysed. people also tend to open up to me because i try to make others feel comfortable and i listen a lot for cues......you need an opening it sounds like.......and if she walks off on you dont continue....smilin.....no i am kidding.....i think you should tell her how you feel....open the discussion with something unrelated to this and weave the discussion back to the two of you when you feel she is comfortable talk about how you appreciate the things she does remind her of something that sticks out to you that she has done for you tell her you know she loves you and you feel the same way...put some humour in there if you can.... what really opens me up and i do find it difficult to communicate with people i care about(to open up a conversation) is sincerity from a guy....it is the the thing that is most calming to me.........be sincere and honest..i once told an old friend i would excel if i could just write letters to everyone i needed to speak to.....because my heart is so obvious then...can you see it ....its smiling atcha....listen for the cues and look her in the face when you speak you will get your answers.let the conversation flow from you and from her......i wish you luck....deb
Author dpc1192 Posted October 10, 2012 Author Posted October 10, 2012 should i even talk or is she over it? avoiding her seemed to work, and now she's been contacting me and i've been responding.. maybe give her more time no contact?
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