hurts_so_bad Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 Hey guys Some of you know my story others dont so I will give a quick rundown...I was married 18 years with 3 kids...Although I provided a home, cars, etc, I was a real idiot for the 18 years of our marriage. I was a drinker, gambler, got arrested multiple times 3 of which were for DWI convictions. I did not show the love and support I should have in my marriage. Thats the short of it. Moving on from that my wife in Feb 2012 gave me the I am not in love with you routine. I left. a week after I found out she seeing a guy from her job...I was gone a total of 8 months since.within the 8 months we had contact pretty much once a week whether its via text or phone regarding either money or the kids. A few months ago she decided she wanted me to buy her out of the home so that she could get an apartment or condo. She couldnt handle things breaking or the maintanance of the home. I told her I would. Which then I had to get a lawyer to make up a legal seperation agreement to protect myself money wise etc... We spoke about a week later and she said her lawyer told her why not just go for the divorce...I asked her if thats what she wanted. She couldnt tell me yes or no...About a week later we went out just to talk and she told me she is not ready for the divorce cause she is not sure if we can salvage anything or not. MOving forward to last week she had called me twice one night asking me to call her. I was not in the mood so didnt bother. the next morning I text her and asked what she needed to talk to me about. She called like two minutes later and said well the paperwork is signed and wanted to know what was going on with me cause I havent been up to see the kids foir like 3 weeks. I didt tell her but, I felt kind of weird and just didnt bother for a few weeks... I told her I have to be up tomorrow and we will talk. We went out that night to a nearby pub just to talk about the arrangement. No I didnt drink! Shirley temples are my choice of drinks these days! She told me her girlfriend up the street is going to let her stay with her for a few weeks till her apartment is ready and that I can move back as soon as I want too... We also shot a game of pool and had some laughs looking into eachothers eyes etc...The night came to an end. The next morning I get a text from her "Have a good day! with a smiley face...I replied you too! The next day I text her and said I am going to move back this weekend so please clear up your stuff asap...She said ok...The weekend came and I worked all day Saturday getting things in order in the house...That night around 11:30 I get a text from her "Are you guys going out?" 5 minutes later I get another text "Go to Billys house lol" meaning my house. She could have mistakenly text me meaning to text someone else cause thats how it sounds but 2 texts in a row to the wrong person? Not sure about that and just wonder if she was trying to push my buttons...Anyway, I didnt answer. Now this past weekend came around and I had a few friends over to help me clean out my inground pool. It was my sons 18th Bday. She text me saying she was going to come by and make him his favorite dinner. I said that was fine. She came by we had dinner and she left. Yesterday she came by again. I was watching TV on the coach. I got up and asked her what she was doing here? She said the kids said they needed milk and they havent eaten yet today. I just went up to my room. When she left I text her...I said listen you just cant keep coming by here whenever you feel like it..This is my place now. She replied, "technically its still mine as well and wanted to see the kids and make sure they are ok" I said, technically the house was mine the 8 months I was not in it either but I respected your wishes and stayed away. Please respect mine now" She replied, "Ok just remember that when you need a ride to the store and all that good stuff" I said, "We will be fine thanks" Look I still love my wife very much and wish we could work things out but I dont know if what I did was the right or wrong thing...I feel that maybe if I just let things flow she would start seeing the good in me. like the morning after the ight we went out and she text me Have a good day...But I also feel if I keep letting her run in and out of my life when she wants like susy homemaker then she is never gonna get the chance to realize what life is without me... Just a bit dazzed and confused and need some input..Dont know if Idid the right thing.. Appreciate any advice!
Jack32 Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 This sounds like a very complicated situation. If you want her back its a good idea to show her you are willing to work with her and the house and so on so she starts wondering if it wouldn't be better to just move back in with you. She probably misses her old home as well so that can help with the process. It sounds like she wants to be near but also doesn't so it sounds like both of you are not too sure what you want.
Author hurts_so_bad Posted October 10, 2012 Author Posted October 10, 2012 Im just confused and not sure of the right decision or path to take. In one thought i feel she screwed me and it angers me. On the other hand i think of all i didi and i feel baf....
TaraMaiden Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 She's filed and moved out? Look I will just give you one short piece of advice. In matters of the heart, take 24 hours to sleep on it and come to a conclusion. In matters of practicality, concerning law and divorce, make sure you simply use your head. Move away from using emotions to make decisions which actually need to be clear-cut, unemotive, business-like and practical. Marriage is a legal partnership, a contract requiring commitment and signatures. It therefore has to be dissolved in Law. So unfortunately, you need to look upon it as a legal partnership being terminated - in Law - and a division of goods, property, assets, goods and chattels. The treatment of the children (ages?) is one which should be dealt with by Law, only, although you're emotionally tied to them. Use/division of the house and property, likewise. Boundaries need to be established, and discussions - over a table, with a neutral arbiter - may be necessary in order to come to an agreement. All this is completely separate to how you emotionally feel about your wife and your relationship. That - isn't the issue.
Recommended Posts