bonespockirk Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 its been 3 days since the last time i foolishly called him with a glimpse of hope that he would still want to be with me. I asked him if he could give me some closure regarding this and he did. He told me that in the two years we've been together he's always felt pressured to be as involved with me as he was, he also realized that he was confused this whole time because it turns out i am not what he wants in life. And after some silcence he said that he is excited to meet new people. I was devistated to hear all this but i always felt that he jsut was never fully into me anyways and it lead me to being insecure and jealous. About half a year into it, he broke my heart when i found things out. He never cheated on me or did things behind my back, he just never felt it i guess... thats what hurts a lot. I stayed with him for another year and a half, fully aware that one day he will leave me, I stayed trying to love him less and trying to be a cool gf who just wants to hang out and have fun and hide my feelings for him. I stayed with him for as long as it needed for him to figure out that he doesn't and has never been in love with me because i would do anything for a loved one. I had to make sure if he was a loved one or not and thats why i stayed with him even though my heart was broken by him a long time ago. I feel so hurt but i will never contact this boy again and i regret even letting him know how i feel about him. I should have never came into his life. I made a mistake of thinking that because he is so sweet and caring that he would love me and want me and never hurt me. Now i just have to deal with him moving on and let go of him completely. I almost wish i knew a guy whom i was mildly attracted to just to get my mind of him. its been three days since the last time we talked, and i'll never again in my life admit to ever feeling a thing for him. I will just place him in a shelf with all the other people that hurt me and never speak of him again. I feel like such a loser. I feel like giving up on life. I feel like he really is the last person to break me. Now i truly do not expect anything from a guy more than fun times and sex. **** feelings and **** love.
NavyAirTraffic Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 Bones have you lost? Yes. Are you a loser? No. My relationship ended along the same lines as yours. B1tch just walked out, joined a dating site and told me she wasn't into me like I was into her (and I loved her, absolutely adored her). Said she wanted to be single and meet new people. What can we do, we are helpless. Worst part there is no magic pill to take, no words will ease your pain right now. As everyone knows closure never works out, nothing other than "I am gay" or "I love you and I want you back" is ever comforting. Also, sleeping around will prob do you no good right now. You'll prob only think about him, almost like you're trying to fill his void which cannot be filled right now. It will be empty, and all you'll do is think of him more because of it. Just say no, for now. Ok so you have lost in this round of love, but even though you don't realize it you will be a winner from the knowledge you've gained. Sounds stupid I know, almost cliche. Think about it, will you ever spend another second with someone who you love but doesn't love you back? Will you remember that closure does nothing but cause immense pain? Most importantly you'll realize that it doesn't matter how much you try you cannot make someone love you. Hard to hear? Well it suck for me to say it. 2 things have eased the pain a little for me. I work out everyday (twice on off days from work). I've even lost 10lbs since she left 3 weeks ago thursday, the exact amount of weight I gained while she was in my life. Secondly become obsessed with something, anything. I "try" to help people on this forum, I have downloaded several self help books, I've reconnected with old friends. I know it's not easy, just post here if you need something, and remember we are here for you.
Author bonespockirk Posted October 10, 2012 Author Posted October 10, 2012 thanks for your reply navyairtraffic. i have been doing same things as you, trying to stay positive and i just got back from the gym, i got a cell phone, and i started eating healthy to feel good. i guess im really trying to work on facing the the truth and accepting it. I work to remind myself that he is not a loved one and that there is no reason to be sad because i didnt have anything to loose in the first place. I keep trying to remind myself that he is gone and already has moved on and i try to face the fact that i will never hear his voice or see him again. i try to calmly accept things because i think about him all the time. I allow myself to think about him but i dont allow myself to be sad and feel helpless and worthless. im just trying to forget him. its gonna take a while but im sooo determined erase him forever out of my heart and mind and soul. 1
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