AsItIs Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 (edited) I met a guy from POF a little over a week ago.We sent a few messages back & forth on the site & he asked for my phone number so we began to text back & forth. We met up the very next day for a quick date at a bar.It only lasted an hour & a half with no kiss at the end so.... I kind of figured that he wasn't interested. Then, 30 minutes after leaving each other, he texts to tell me that he had a great time & that I'm "cute & even cuter in person" and asked to see me again, if I'd be interested.. I said that I would like that.So we text back & forth some more.He asked when would I like to get together again?I said "soon" so we saw each other 3 days later.I drove all the way over to his house for the 2nd date.We watched a chick flick & had a heavy makeout session.I went home & texted him, telling him I had made it home safe.Didn't hear anything back so I assumed that either he wasn't interested or he fell asleep. He texted first thing in the morning apologizing,saying he infact did fall asleep & asked if I'd like to get together again on Thursday.I accepted & we'll be seeing each other again in 2 days but...... The thing that's making me over analize is, he would text me randomnly througout the day before-good morning texts in the morning,goodnight texts at night & other texts just saying that he's excited to see me again...little stuff like that.I know we've only known each other for a week but, I got used to that dynamic of him texting me.I have not heard anything at all from him today(even though we have a plan to see each other in 2 days)I feel uneasy about it now.Like,should I be initiating some of the texting effort first?Or should I stick to the dynamic of him being the leader in contact? I want him to know I like him a lot & that I like his communications throughout the day but, I don't want to come across as needy or unconfident.I have a feeling that everything is fine & maybe he is holding back, just as I'm holding back, in fear of coming across as needy but I do like the thought of him texting me throughout the day. When is it ok for a girl to initiate text convo?Or should I just keep playing it cool & letting him lead the relationship? FYI-He stated on our very first date that he is tired of playing games & is looking to settle down.He said one of his dreams is to get married one day....I don't wanna mess this up! Please help! Thanks! Edited October 9, 2012 by AsItIs
oaks Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 When is it ok for a girl to initiate text convo? Now! Carpe diem! 1
Author AsItIs Posted October 9, 2012 Author Posted October 9, 2012 I hope you guys don't mind me bumping my own thread. I still haven't got a text from him He most likely, just got off work & is driving home. Should I just wait for him to text me? Or Should I text him & ask him how his day was? (I don't wanna barrage him with boring texts that make him think the thrill of the chase is gone) Or Should I tell him that I was getting tingles, thinking about his lips kissing me?(I don't want this to just be a sex based relationship because he has never texted me anything sexual but that was truley what I was thinking about today) Thoughts?
mtnbiker Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 In my opinion, you simply text or call him and state how you enjoy him casually texting you through your day. Not that you need it, or that you are worried he hasn't today.
SJC2008 Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 A woman should never initate first contact after a date IMO. He's the pursuer not you and you want to know if he's truly interested and don't want to make yourself an easy target by handing yourself over on a silver platter and setting yourself up for a pump and dump. Now I didn't say don't initiate ANY contact at all. After he's asked you out again by all means, don't be afraid to drop a hey or hope you had a good day, just don't bombard him. A good rule of thumb would be to let him initate and initiate half the amount he does. I dated a woman who put the hook into me quick (very rare for me) and it drove me absoloutley fkn nuts that not once out of 3 dates she did not initiate any contact. It had me totally on eggshells as to whether she was interested or not.
SmileFace Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 Umm, if you want to text him, text him. If you want to set a standard you should contribute. Plus you want him to get an idea of your communication style so you can both see if your compatible in that aspect. Imo I think your constant need for communication overwhelming for the beginning stages of dating but that is just me. 1
dsw31 Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 A woman should never initate first contact after a date IMO. He's the pursuer not you and you want to know if he's truly interested and don't want to make yourself an easy target by handing yourself over on a silver platter and setting yourself up for a pump and dump. Now I didn't say don't initiate ANY contact at all. After he's asked you out again by all means, don't be afraid to drop a hey or hope you had a good day, just don't bombard him. A good rule of thumb would be to let him initate and initiate half the amount he does. I dated a woman who put the hook into me quick (very rare for me) and it drove me absoloutley fkn nuts that not once out of 3 dates she did not initiate any contact. It had me totally on eggshells as to whether she was interested or not. OK....this is good! I think you're totally right but he has asked me out for, I'd say 5 dates but we had 2 & he has already asked me for our 3rd date so... Does that mean it's ok for me to just say hi? Or are you saying to still let him persue ? Do you mean your girl "hooked you" as in "you fell for her" ? Cause she kept you guessing?
River Rain Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 Just text him instead of torturing yourself wondering if you should or not! Guys like to know we're thinking about them too, without them having to initiate it. 2
Jack32 Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 I agree with everyone else just text him already. Put yourself in his situation, wouldn't you want to get a text? It shows that you are interested and thinking of him. Not needy at all. If you dont he might think you are not that interested and so on.
Author AsItIs Posted October 9, 2012 Author Posted October 9, 2012 OK....this is good! I think you're totally right but he has asked me out for, I'd say 5 dates but we had 2 & he has already asked me for our 3rd date so... Does that mean it's ok for me to just say hi? Or are you saying to still let him persue ? Do you mean your girl "hooked you" as in "you fell for her" ? Cause she kept you guessing? Oops!!!! I slipped....As some of you may have noticed, "dsw31" & "AsItIs" are techincally the same person! Lol! Bump!!!!
SJC2008 Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 OK....this is good! I think you're totally right but he has asked me out for, I'd say 5 dates but we had 2 & he has already asked me for our 3rd date so... Does that mean it's ok for me to just say hi? Or are you saying to still let him persue ? Do you mean your girl "hooked you" as in "you fell for her" ? Cause she kept you guessing? Yes of course say hi! I was trying to keep it short but you don't want a guy to date you just because you are there. I'm not saying play games but after the first date don't call or text him. It's his job to ask you out again if he's interested. Once he does that don't be afraid to drop an occaisonal hey or whatever like I said earlier. Basically, you need to show the man interest but don't take the lead becasue let's say he's really not interested and you keep initiating all the contact, he may keep seeing you and sleep with you because you are "there" and ghost when he finds someone he's more interested in. Just don't go radio silence like the girl I liked did. She may have been interested, we had 3 dates and I was really starting to like her but she never initiated any contact. I don't want to say I fell for her as we only went out 3 times but it felt like it. I have only gotten that sprung that fast to a woman 3 times in my life. Sucks it didn't work out:(
clia Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 I think you should go hang out with your friends and stop worrying about whether you should text him or not. You have known this guy one week. Your second date consisted of you driving to his house and making out with him. Believe me--he knows you are interested. My advice is to step away from the phone. You are going to see him in two days. Give him some time to miss you.
River Rain Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 Give him some time to miss you. Not trying to be argumentative, but this cliché really sticks in my craw. If he needs time to miss me, then he probably isn't on the same page as me. If I like a guy and want to be with him, want to talk to him and connect, then I don't need "time" to miss him. Of course, I want to spend time with him. And I'm not talking about anything obsessive. But if you like a person, it's natural that you want to spend time with them and connect.
Author AsItIs Posted October 10, 2012 Author Posted October 10, 2012 (edited) Thanks for all the feedback everyone! I decided to text him.(I think he may have had a little bit of insecurites too.).After we would kiss, the other day, I kept getting this nervous giggle...then he would ask "what?" I would reply "nothing" then it happened a few more times & I told him that it's nust a habit out of nervousness & told him to stop asking.So....I was worried that he might have thought that I didn't like him anymore, after we kissed. So anyways... I just texted saying hi & asking how was his day today & he replied right away, asking me how mine was.I told him about something that happened today & told him I thought about him.He said he thought about me too & that he is looking forward to seeing me.I said I was too & we discussed a time frame to meet. All is good! Just me over analyzing as always! Thanks loveshackers!!! Edited October 10, 2012 by AsItIs
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