a.b Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 Hello all, click on the link above to see my previous story. I would just like to say thank you to all that gave me advice in what to do with my situation. As my title says I have decided to not be friends with my ex, and I decided this when I found out she seems to be perfectly fine with out me. Apparently just one day after our phone chat, of her crying and saying sorry (and saying this is the worst day of her life) she is perfectly happy to spend all day texting this guy and be excited to see him etc when she got back to uni. I am shocked she has done this too me, and apparently all we went through means that little to her. But I can't change how she feels and nore should I try. All I can do is worry about myself and get my self back on track and forget her. It's going to be tough, and the thought of them two together makes me feel sick, but I feel good about this decision and I know deep down this is the right call. Just really sad now as I think I've been in denial about this whole situation.
bluefairy812 Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 Hello all, click on the link above to see my previous story. I would just like to say thank you to all that gave me advice in what to do with my situation. As my title says I have decided to not be friends with my ex, and I decided this when I found out she seems to be perfectly fine with out me. Apparently just one day after our phone chat, of her crying and saying sorry (and saying this is the worst day of her life) she is perfectly happy to spend all day texting this guy and be excited to see him etc when she got back to uni. I am shocked she has done this too me, and apparently all we went through means that little to her. But I can't change how she feels and nore should I try. All I can do is worry about myself and get my self back on track and forget her. It's going to be tough, and the thought of them two together makes me feel sick, but I feel good about this decision and I know deep down this is the right call. Just really sad now as I think I've been in denial about this whole situation. best decision you will ever make. whatever you do, just don't check in on her (fb, instagram, twitter) just adds more salt on the wound seeing her "perfect" life.
Author a.b Posted October 9, 2012 Author Posted October 9, 2012 best decision you will ever make. whatever you do, just don't check in on her (fb, instagram, twitter) just adds more salt on the wound seeing her "perfect" life. Just deleted all her photos, deleted her off facebook 3 days ago. Now all that remains is her gifts, and worst of all her picture of a dragon she drew for me which over the course of a week took her 10 or so hours to draw me....:s I might post her that back with a letter explaining my decision that I never want to talk to her again and to please respect my decision.
Author a.b Posted October 9, 2012 Author Posted October 9, 2012 Question, since I have made my decision to not be friends with her, should I contact her now and tell her? Or shall I do it in a couple of months when I said I would contact her? I know I should't care about her feelings after what she did to me, but it seems a little cruel to wait a couple of months when I already have my decision. Maybe i'm over thinking this who knows.
TaraMaiden Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 As the 'all' who gave you advice in your other thread (), Please realise that as she was largely being two-faced, you don't owe her anything, let alone any forewarning of your intentions. See, NC isn't about hurting or not hurting them, being cruel, rude or impolite - NC is purely and simply and extremely effective mechanism and process designed to help, protect and accelerate the process of healing. It's for you, not her. Much as I know it may go against the grain, this isn't about sparing or protecting her feelings - it's not about her, at all. This is about - and for - you. And only you. Don't even contact her in a couple of months; there's truly no point. Honestly, is there? By that time, she may well have let you slip from her mind, so it will be a surprise to her - and a disappointment to you. Drop off her radar completely - period. Let this go, there is truly nothing worth holding on to for any reason whatsoever. What - you want to put your life on hold, count the days and keep the clock ticking.... and for what result? To what end, exactly? 1
Author a.b Posted October 9, 2012 Author Posted October 9, 2012 I had posted 2 threads previously which got other helpers to be fair to me. And I suppose you have a point, if she doesn't care now then she wont in 2 months time. And if she did care then I suppose she wouldn't be dating someone so fast and the very person she cheated on me with. Thanks for your help, big help.
Chi townD Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 AH!!! So, you kinda fell for her crying bit! Wants to be friends, doesn't want to lose your friendship....blah....blah....blah..... Only to find out that she can't WAIT to get back to school and see new guy. Texting him all day long about God only knows what.... Dude, you already deleted her off your facebook, and she hasn't texted you to find out why? I'll tell you why. SHE'S NOT LOOKING!!! She's all about this new guy. Therefore, you don't need to tell her JACK!!! Just go NC. If she texts you, deep breathe and post here instead. If she calls, let it go to voicemail and post here instead. Your silence should speak volumes to her. 1
Author a.b Posted October 9, 2012 Author Posted October 9, 2012 AH!!! So, you kinda fell for her crying bit! Wants to be friends, doesn't want to lose your friendship....blah....blah....blah..... Only to find out that she can't WAIT to get back to school and see new guy. Texting him all day long about God only knows what.... Dude, you already deleted her off your facebook, and she hasn't texted you to find out why? I'll tell you why. SHE'S NOT LOOKING!!! She's all about this new guy. Therefore, you don't need to tell her JACK!!! Just go NC. If she texts you, deep breathe and post here instead. If she calls, let it go to voicemail and post here instead. Your silence should speak volumes to her. I told her when I called her 3 days ago that i needed a few months space and I would be deleting her off facebook so I wouldn't spend all day looking at her profile. I also said I would contact her in a few months and see if there is a friendship to save, and I though that was what I wanted. Until today when I found out that she is going out with him, all excited and seems to have moved on so damn quickly. I realised there is no basis for a friendship here so yes I have now decided NC is the best for all concerned. The only reason I wanted to contat her to tell her was because I promised her I would, and despite everything I never break my promises.
TaraMaiden Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 I had posted 2 threads previously which got other helpers to be fair to me. Yes but I'm far more important than they are.... (J/K!!) And I suppose you have a point, if she doesn't care now then she wont in 2 months time. And if she did care then I suppose she wouldn't be dating someone so fast and the very person she cheated on me with. Good... see? Now you're getting it, which is good... But no - you're right - don't overthink it. You'll do yourself a mental injury. Seriously. Thanks for your help, big help. Meh... 'wood' and 'trees' time... sometimes, it pays to look at your own first post - as if a complete stranger had written it, and answer " this stranger" with the advice you'd give. Invariably, you'd come to the same conclusion we have....
Author a.b Posted October 9, 2012 Author Posted October 9, 2012 You are right, and that is good advice! I knew deep down what I had to do, and even said to my friend i'd know exactly what to say if this was someone else. I was in denial however, 5 stages of grief and all that.
Chi townD Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 The only reason I wanted to contat her to tell her was because I promised her I would, and despite everything I never break my promises. Yeah, well...I suspect that you thought she would keep her promise to you....like, oh I don't know......to be exclusive with you and not to cheat? Dude, you don't owe her anything. She broke this relationship the moment she cheated on you. It ended the moment the two of you became three.
Author a.b Posted October 9, 2012 Author Posted October 9, 2012 Yeah, well...I suspect that you thought she would keep her promise to you....like, oh I don't know......to be exclusive with you and not to cheat? Dude, you don't owe her anything. She broke this relationship the moment she cheated on you. It ended the moment the two of you became three. Believe me I understand that big time, I don't owe her anything. She did break promises and lied to me. But I can't break a promise, just can't. I have no intention of getting back into contact with her, I will make it clear I don't want her to reply and if she does I will ignore it. How ever I don't think that will be a worry, she wont reply.
Chi townD Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 Believe me I understand that big time, I don't owe her anything. She did break promises and lied to me. But I can't break a promise, just can't. I have no intention of getting back into contact with her, I will make it clear I don't want her to reply and if she does I will ignore it. How ever I don't think that will be a worry, she wont reply. No dude, you're giving yourself permission to contact her one more time. Dude, you are a meth head, a crack smoker, an alcoholic and a addict. At least that is how you have to treat this situation. You are an addict looking for one last hit before you stop. All addicts try to sell people on this. "Just one last hit, then I'm done." and no one ever believes them. And guess what? You're going to go through withdrawls just like every other addict. Thinking about the crack, getting mad that you can't do the crack anymore. Thinking about the crack day and night. That's what it's going to be like with your Ex. My vote is, if you're in NC then it starts now. But, this is an advice forum and not the "Law of break ups" you're going to do what you want.
Author a.b Posted October 9, 2012 Author Posted October 9, 2012 No dude, you're giving yourself permission to contact her one more time. Dude, you are a meth head, a crack smoker, an alcoholic and a addict. At least that is how you have to treat this situation. You are an addict looking for one last hit before you stop. All addicts try to sell people on this. "Just one last hit, then I'm done." and no one ever believes them. And guess what? You're going to go through withdrawls just like every other addict. Thinking about the crack, getting mad that you can't do the crack anymore. Thinking about the crack day and night. That's what it's going to be like with your Ex. My vote is, if you're in NC then it starts now. But, this is an advice forum and not the "Law of break ups" you're going to do what you want. That's quite an analogy I must say. And quite weirdly you make a lot of sense, it's just I have very deep lying morals and I just hate lying and breaking promises. When I said to her I would contact her again in a few months I meant it and promised, even if it was a bad idea I still said it. I don't believe in eye for an eye, and I don't believe in making people suffer because they deserve it (not that she's suffering). But I think you are right, and as much as I hate it I might have to lose my integrity this one time.
TaraMaiden Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 No, you can still contact her - just bring it forward. Contact her NOW if you really feel you must, that is.... Just send her a very simple text: "I'm contacting you now to let you know I consider everything between us completely over. You're going to fall off my radar, and I'd appreciate it if you'd make me fall off yours. Please don't ever think of contacting me, and I too shall go complete No Contact. Have a good life." Then if - and only IF - she sends a reply (! They do, sometimes, they just don't get it - they need to have the last word!! ) respond with a text: "Your message could not be delivered. The recipient has blocked this number." Following which you immediately block her number. Then - they give up. Like the Heimlich manoeuvre, I've never tried this myself - but I hear it absolutely works, from people who have tried it.
Author a.b Posted October 10, 2012 Author Posted October 10, 2012 No, you can still contact her - just bring it forward. Contact her NOW if you really feel you must, that is.... Just send her a very simple text: "I'm contacting you now to let you know I consider everything between us completely over. You're going to fall off my radar, and I'd appreciate it if you'd make me fall off yours. Please don't ever think of contacting me, and I too shall go complete No Contact. Have a good life." Then if - and only IF - she sends a reply (! They do, sometimes, they just don't get it - they need to have the last word!! ) respond with a text: "Your message could not be delivered. The recipient has blocked this number." Following which you immediately block her number. Then - they give up. Like the Heimlich manoeuvre, I've never tried this myself - but I hear it absolutely works, from people who have tried it. I sent your message word for word, she has not replied (bout 3 hours ago). Hopefully this is the end of all this and I can start the moving on process.
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