Found out boyfriend talked to his ex on the phone all night?

[paige92]

I've been with my boyfriend for three months. He's in the army and stationed four hours away from me. Because of this, we typically see each other every other weekend.. Sometimes more, sometimes less. This is only my second relationship (I'm 20 years old and he is 24) and his fourth. We've talked about the past, and he has told me that while he's cared about girls that he has dated, the only girlfriend he's ever really loved is his first. They broke up over four years ago, but I've always been able to tell she really meant something to him. They haven't been in any real contact other than "Hey" once in a blue moon.

 

I feel like our relationship has been progressing nicely, and he ended up telling me that he loves me two weeks ago. I'm close with his parents and his sister, I've met his best friends and he introduced me to his coworkers when I went to visit him. He has definitely put effort into our relationship and I was really beginning to trust him.

 

He came home this past weekend (His parents live in my town, so he stays with them when he comes to visit me) and I saw him Friday, Saturday, and Sunday night. He couldn't stay awake past 10:30 p.m. on any of those nights which isn't like him at all.. But I figured he just was tired because he had a long week with work (pre deployment training). I ended up leaving his house around 10:30 p.m. Sunday night because he was "so sleepy". I came back Monday morning and brought him breakfast and got in bed with him. He told me that he "didn't get any sleep" and "kept waking up every few minutes". When it was time for me to leave I couldn't find my phone, so I grabbed his so that I could call mine. I went to recent calls and was really surprised to see that he had talked to his ex (the girl he loved) from 11:30 p.m. - 5:00 a.m. the night before! This completely threw me off because I know they haven't been in any contact. I'm hurt that he couldn't stay up to spend time with me but he stayed up to talk with her all night. I ended up not confronting him until last night. I asked him if he had talked to someone on the phone all night Sunday night. He said "Yeah, I talked to a really old ex from like 4 years ago she randomly texted me wanting to talk she was upset about some family stuff, asking me questions." I never replied and he said "If this is upsetting you, you should really talk to me about it. I'm with you and only you. There is no one else. I've always been 100% honest with you. I'll answer any question you have. You should really call me back." I didn't reply to that either and he has since called once. I'm so confused and I just can't make sense of any of this. I'm hurt that he couldn't stay awake for me but he could stay up for an ex from years ago. Honestly I don't mind if he talks to her every now and then, but this entire situation makes me feel like something is going on and he still has feelings for her. I can't decide if I should call him to talk, or if I should wait and see if he contacts me again, or if I should just move on completely.

[darkmoon]

she phoned him with some fake sob-story and he was being polite (grrr) i would watch his facial expessions if/when he mentions her, are they wistful or bored, apart from that, let the matter go, don't argue over it, just call him and be happy, an argument (and i don't mean a low-key discussion) will make you look unattractive, don't fall into her trap of coming between you so you argue, so far her trap has worked (grrr)

[nofool4u]

Found out boyfriend talked to his ex on the phone all night?

 

Time for him to become your x-boyfriend.

[Million.to.1]

I think, if you care about the relationship, you should talk to him about it. Wait till you can do it calmly.

 

What you said here, is perfect... say this to him.

 

 

. I'm hurt that you couldn't stay awake for me but could stay up, all, night, for an ex from years ago, and then lie to me about why you were tired. Honestly, I don't mind if you talk to your ex's every now and then, but this situation makes me feel like you still have feelings for her.

(

 

It would be better to have this conversation face-to-face. He will be easier to gauge if you can see his eyes, body language and how he goes about reassuring you. You'll know if he cares about making this right with you.

 

I spose then, it's up to you how you move forward.

[veggirl]

What's there to talk about for SIX HOURS?

 

She was having a big family crisis so....she called someone she has had nothing but sporadic contact with over the last 4 years? Really? Instead of say a girlfriend or another family member or someone who she actually has a current relationship with?

 

His story is shady as hell.

 

If it was innocent, he wouldn't have lied.

 

Let me guess, he HAD to lie because he didn't want to upset you for no reason. (has he said that yet? he will! mark my words)

[Jack32]

I think you should figure out what is really going on before you make any rash decisions. It is possible that it was really a one time thing and he is being honest. You could always check his phone to see how many times he has talked to her etc, or maybe talk to his family as they might know more. Definitely talk to him, and get the details before dumping him. Either way good luck!

[Leigh 87]

I am not him, so there is a chance he really does love you,and that he is one of those types of people who are super nice and enjoy having deap discussipns with people; including their exes!!

 

Some people, me being one of them, are just real chatty and can hoonestly talk to people from the past for hours.

The thing that has changed about me is that I no longer talk to guys I have remotely had anything sexual with; even men who previously tried to get with me.

I no longer talk to such men, even if I could talk to them for hours, because it is innappropriate. I have a boyfriend.

 

There is a chance he is just very chatty and gets along v ery well with his ex, hence why they were together!

Then again, there is also a chance that he talked to her for that long because he still has a thing for her.

 

I would tell him that your not okay with him talking to his ex besides the occasionally ' hey'

 

 

 

MY boyfriend would not do that, as he does not have long dsicussions with girls he does not have a thing for.

If he wanted to catch up with his ex via skype, he would have told me, or he would have felt .. like he was hiding something.

[Leigh 87]

What's there to talk about for SIX HOURS?

 

She was having a big family crisis so....she called someone she has had nothing but sporadic contact with over the last 4 years? Really? Instead of say a girlfriend or another family member or someone who she actually has a current relationship with?

 

His story is shady as hell.

 

If it was innocent, he wouldn't have lied.

 

Let me guess, he HAD to lie because he didn't want to upset you for no reason. (has he said that yet? he will! mark my words)

 

 

 

 

With an ex, if they were once very close, then they probably still have that ability to talk for hours.....

 

It is a matter of if he has stronger feelings for his ex than he does fro his current g/f or not.

 

My partner could probably chat to his ex for hours, and I am sure they will one day when they catch up via skype (they were old travel buddies..)

 

If his feelings came rushing back as he talked to her, and he felt more strongly about her than he did me, that is when it is wrong and he shuld be dumped.

[sweetkiwi]

when you break up with someone the feelings don't disappear. Of course he still has feelings for her, as i'm sure you have feelings for your ex. Thinking otherwise is silly. But. Its his lying that should concern you.

 

This happened with me and my ex except she was sending him photos of her late at night and i wrote her saying to back off. Then she called and accused me of being a drug addict and some other weird **** she must have got from him.

 

He apologized profusely and said he would defend me. He didn't. He dumped me. Better though that i knew he wasn't emotionally available.

[veggirl]

when you break up with someone the feelings don't disappear. Of course he still has feelings for her, as i'm sure you have feelings for your ex. Thinking otherwise is silly.

 

lol what? They broke up FOUR YEARS ago. Yes feelings *do* disappear. I don't have any feelings for the guy I dated from 20-25 and I am 29 now.......no feelings at all and I wouldn't date a guy who still had feelings for an ex.