RamiTia Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 My boyfriend (of seven months) and I have been apart for two months now since I moved in August. I was able to visit for a very short time over Labor Day weekend, but since then we've just been texting and calling. We've started calling everyday, but our texting has broken down. He used to text me all the time, mostly to just say "Hello" or to give me a winky face. I really knew when he was thinking about me (all the time) and I felt really safe and secure. Now, for some reason that has kinda faded away. I know it's to be expected, but I still make the effort and wonder if this is showing he's not as interested as he used to be. I don't know what to do. My friend suggested I back off and let him text me, but I'm worried that will create an even bigger communication hole/break down. I want to talk to him about it, and I really kinda have,but he says, "I'm dropping the ball, aren't I?" but it doesn't really change. I don't want to FORCE him to change it. I'm coming back home for a 4 day weekend next week and I don't want to feel this way and ruin my trip. Any advice?
Author RamiTia Posted October 9, 2012 Author Posted October 9, 2012 I'm 25 and he's 24. We've discussed him moving up to where I am living now since I'm here for grad school (made the commitment when we just started dating), but he hasn't been 100% sure he will do it. We wanted to wait at least until I have my first semester out of the way and the snow thaws. He hasn't decided anything for sure. Also, he (drunkenly) texted me early last week saying he wanted to elope and travel the world with me. We've talked about eloping a bit... He's told me he think's I'm the one.
NoMoreJerks Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 My ex pulled the same sort of **** on me for a while. Wouldn't text me when he went back home. I tested him a few times and noticed that any time I texted him about porn or sex, he would respond. Otherwise, he went mum as a mummy, often for days. The most i got from him was one text in the middle of the day asking me how my day was. At first i used to respond with an attitude but that pissed him off. So i just answered his question and didnt say more. Never initiated texting anymore. He continued to act the same way in general. He would get worried occasionally, and call me, and once he would make sure I was still interested in him, he would drop off the radar again. Nagging him about it never worked except maybe a day or two. He was a lazy ass who wanted to have his cake without earning it. If he is pulling this **** on you, he is either taking you for granted, or doesnt care much about you, or both. Stay away from him. Definitely wouldnt text him, and keep your responses to him short and to the point unless he tries to initiate a conversation with you. If he just sends you a "hey", i would either ignore it completely, or respond in the same way.
amayana Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 My boyfriend (of seven months) and I have been apart for two months now since I moved in August. I was able to visit for a very short time over Labor Day weekend, but since then we've just been texting and calling. We've started calling everyday, but our texting has broken down. He used to text me all the time, mostly to just say "Hello" or to give me a winky face. I really knew when he was thinking about me (all the time) and I felt really safe and secure. Now, for some reason that has kinda faded away. I know it's to be expected, but I still make the effort and wonder if this is showing he's not as interested as he used to be. I don't know what to do. My friend suggested I back off and let him text me, but I'm worried that will create an even bigger communication hole/break down. I want to talk to him about it, and I really kinda have,but he says, "I'm dropping the ball, aren't I?" but it doesn't really change. I don't want to FORCE him to change it. I'm coming back home for a 4 day weekend next week and I don't want to feel this way and ruin my trip. Any advice? Dear RamiTia, I can relate very much to what you are saying here because a couple of weeks ago my BF and I were going through a rough patch due to the same reasons you've listed here. Instead of asking us on here what to do, be honest with your BF and tell him you feel he's not as interested in you anymore. And I don't really understand what you mean when you say you "kinda" talked to him about it. To me it seems that you didn't talk about it seriously enough, correct me if I'm wrong. And I can see that it affects you quite a bit so it shouldn't be taken lightly. Ask him why he doesn't text you as much as he used to, instead of relying on other people's assumptions. Ask him why he's "dropping the ball". I also understand when you say you don't want him to feel obliged to text you. Just make that clear to him too. I can only rely on personal experience here. I did all of the things I mentioned in this post and my BF and I were able to sort it out alright. Good luck!
River Rain Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 Similar thing happened to me. I even got a marriage proposal, then a week later he dumped me. If he seems to be losing interest, I'd confront him, it's not fair to go hot and cold on a person. Communication is the key to keeping a ldr successful, if he's starting to shy away from making an effort...I don't know, doesn't sound good.
AWoo Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 If it makes you feel any better I was in a similar position a few years ago. I dated a guy for about five years and the last year and a half we were cross country loves due to him joining the air force. My advice to you is to relax and talk to him about wanting better communication. Make sure to not use "you__" statements. I made that mistake a lot and ended up spending our time together fighting. Saying "I feel __ because of ___" work much better when it comes to discussing problems with your boyfriend. Try and set up skype dates, have who ever goes to bed first call the other person, even if it means a 30 second phone call. Those 30 seconds made my day. With texting, It's ok to send good morning texts and goodnight texts but don't smother him during the day if he's not texting back. Send each other your schedules so you both know when the other is free to text etc. I think it's great that you're able to visit and I think him seeing you will hopefully bring the spark back. I hope I was helpful! Goodluck!
Aquamelon Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 I think a lot of us go through similar situations. My boyfriend would text me constantly in the beginning of our relationships, after a few months the texts were barely one or two a day. It started to bother me so much. I took his not texting me as he didn't care and I wasn't on his mind. I let it build up so much that one day I exploded and told him how I felt. He explained that during the start of our relationship his day was much different and he had more free time to text me. I told him I needed some texting, I don't expect full on conversations all day every day through text [especially since we talk so much on the phone]. We talked things out and compromised: I would expect less and he would try and deliver a bit more. It hasn't been perfect, but I realized that he does care, he's just not the texting type. Over the last few months, he has taken to stepping up his texting on his own! So my suggestion to you is to simply express how you feel about texting next time you talk on the phone again. Tell him you don't want to force him to texting you but that you do need him to step up a bit. Having an open discussion about this will really help ease your mind on the subject. 1
River Rain Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 I think a lot of us go through similar situations. My boyfriend would text me constantly in the beginning of our relationships, after a few months the texts were barely one or two a day. It started to bother me so much. I took his not texting me as he didn't care and I wasn't on his mind. I let it build up so much that one day I exploded and told him how I felt. He explained that during the start of our relationship his day was much different and he had more free time to text me. I told him I needed some texting, I don't expect full on conversations all day every day through text [especially since we talk so much on the phone]. We talked things out and compromised: I would expect less and he would try and deliver a bit more. It hasn't been perfect, but I realized that he does care, he's just not the texting type. Over the last few months, he has taken to stepping up his texting on his own! So my suggestion to you is to simply express how you feel about texting next time you talk on the phone again. Tell him you don't want to force him to texting you but that you do need him to step up a bit. Having an open discussion about this will really help ease your mind on the subject. I always think communication is important, and I agree that the subject should be brought up. I think the key point is what you said that you don't want to force him. He should want to right? When I brought it up, all I got were excuses, by then it was pretty much over anyway. But yeah, if he does care, then he'll step it up.
Author RamiTia Posted November 6, 2012 Author Posted November 6, 2012 I always think communication is important, and I agree that the subject should be brought up. I think the key point is what you said that you don't want to force him. He should want to right? When I brought it up, all I got were excuses, by then it was pretty much over anyway. But yeah, if he does care, then he'll step it up. I wanted to let you guys know that I did talk to him, and we have been doing well since. (Well-ish. It's still long distance and still REALLY hard.) He said that he wanted me to know that he thinks about me all the time. I'm the first thing he thinks of when he wakes up and the last thing when he goes to sleep. It's just really hard to be away. I know he loves me and that he's not losing interest. However, sometimes I do wonder if he's thinking "Is this worth the pain?" because he's in a lot of it. I don't know what to do when he just keeps dwelling on the fact that we're not together....
Lou21 Posted November 9, 2012 Posted November 9, 2012 Not glad that any of you are going through this but im glad im not the only one, the guy im dating of 4 months went into the military a month ago everyone was amazing while he was away texted me whenever he sneaked off for 2 mins and i would get 2-3 calls of an evening, but now .. its like his only texting me because he feels like he has too! and of an eveing i hold back from texting him now because im fed up of making myself look like im chasing him .. But then he does text me saying hey hows are you. i did mention something about it the other day and he sorta brushed it off and didnt say anything. how frustrating!!
brighterthansunshine Posted November 15, 2012 Posted November 15, 2012 Not glad that any of you are going through this but im glad im not the only one, the guy im dating of 4 months went into the military a month ago everyone was amazing while he was away texted me whenever he sneaked off for 2 mins and i would get 2-3 calls of an evening, but now .. its like his only texting me because he feels like he has too! and of an eveing i hold back from texting him now because im fed up of making myself look like im chasing him .. But then he does text me saying hey hows are you. i did mention something about it the other day and he sorta brushed it off and didnt say anything. how frustrating!! There seems to be a pattern with military men. No offense if there are any reading this, I am military as well. If it helps any of you to know, my LDR boyfriend is in the military and is stationed nearly 1000 miles from me. We never saw the distance as an issue until we got caught up in our obligations, and until our lives started becoming more stressful. It caused a lot of shortness between him and I. For instance, he'd call me nightly just to say "I love you" and text me every morning with the same three words. Then it just faded. Now, we haven't talked in a week. No real explanation from him. Just stopped calling and texting. It's really difficult to accept that our SO is doing this to us, and we drive ourselves crazy trying to come up with reasons as to why this is happening.
Recommended Posts