Danb32 Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 Hey everyone, Basically my girlfriend of 2 years left me. She told me 'she didn't want a relationship' and left. This was about a month ago. Since then a lot has happened in terms of who I am. I'm pretty sure she left me because things got too much, and I was needy and clingy all the time. Since she left me I have looked online, and now see myself as an independent, confident, self motivated, and ambitious person. I havn't cried and I don't plead my ex to see me. I'm being a much more relaxed person. Since we split up, she has asked to see me several times (I have not initiated contact, she has every time) an example would be we went out to the movies and then for a meal, the conversation was light, I made her laugh, I didn't annoy her or bring anything up from the past and I tried to act 'alpha male' to her. She said thankyou for the evening. Weve been out a few more times since then, and spoke once or twice a day (one or two texts - which are just casual and laughing around) A few days ago we cuddled which lead to kissing and....yeah. Anyway, after she was fine and we acted casual and cool with each other. I'm just confused becuase reading on the internet theres LOADS of info 'how to get your ex back' etc and I'm confused. Do I spend a couple more weeks acting cool and fun in front of her, to show her I'm different, and then try things with her and casually talk about a relationship? Do I tell her I don't want a friendship, I want a relationship and tell her to contact me only if she misses me and would consider another us? I FEEL like the best option is for me to spend more time with her, showing her I'm different, and that we have fun, and then ask her out on an official 'date' together. But the internet is all NO NO don't do that, cut all contact and wait for her to talk? I feel like if I tell her 'no, i only want a relationship, it's just not gonna work. I mean why would she come back to me after I've told her NOT to talk to me, she's doing fine on her own right now, and me saying that seems as though it would just make her go "alright then, fine :)" I'm confused, and want to know your thoughts! Thankyou
NoMoreJerks Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 I'd just simply stay away from her. But that's just me. My ex suggested that we do something similar last week -- that we hang out as "just friends". The thing is, I dug a bit deeper and discovered that he wanted that because he wanted the sex, and still hadn't changed his mind about the relationship. It's not like going back to being less clingy, more funny and entertaining, is going to change their mind about having a relationship. He just wanted a FWB arrangement. He eventually used that word to describe what he really wanted. I have a feeling that your ex might be wanting the same thing. MAYBE she thinks it will develop into something more over time, and MAYBE it will, but really? Do you think so lowly of yourself as to give her a FWB arrangement when she didn't think you were good enough to have a relationship with? If I'm not good enough to have a relationship with, I'm not good enough to hang out with, sleep with, or kiss, or hug, or cuddle with -- that's my motto from now on.
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