frederickkk Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 so its clear the ex wants to be single and play the field. its 2 weeks NC. i will never get over this girl properly. when i told her we couldnt be friends, she looked upset / didnt like the thought of it. why is this? it wasnt a clean break, she toyed with me, used me and messed me around a bit. what do i do with everything she gave me? thanks
geegirl Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 (edited) when i told her we couldnt be friends, she looked upset / didnt like the thought of it. why is this? it wasnt a clean break, she toyed with me, used me and messed me around a bit. what do i do with everything she gave me? thanks Of course she didn't like it. She's used to toying with you. She's used to using you. She's not going to like that you're not there anymore for her to manipulate to suit her needs. Besides, do friends actually use and abuse each other that way? Redefine your boundaries. You box it all up and put it away. Or give it to family and friends to store for you since you're not sure how to deal with it at the moment. Is this the one that you've been talking about since August that just wanted sex and no relationship? Edited October 9, 2012 by geegirl 1
Author frederickkk Posted October 9, 2012 Author Posted October 9, 2012 yeah, and i will never get over her. i really do mean that. you could ask me in ten years and i would still want everything with her.
geegirl Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 yeah, and i will never get over her. i really do mean that. you could ask me in ten years and i would still want everything with her. Neh, you're 25 and she's 19. You both haven't even begun to live your lives. Scratching the surface. You're speaking from a broken heart. When the dust settles and the clouds clear, you'll look back and think with your brain and realize how silly you were to let someone manipulate you this way. Love makes you idealize and romanticize, even when it's slapping you in the face till it hurts. In ten years? Come on now! Don't be silly.
Author frederickkk Posted October 9, 2012 Author Posted October 9, 2012 shes 19, called the cops because i overstepped the mark and went to her college to get a straight answer. no big deal. on the monday we are kissing, on the wednesday she called the cops. the only professional help i need would to help me move on, but i wont, as much as i wish to.
Author frederickkk Posted October 9, 2012 Author Posted October 9, 2012 and what is more bizarre, after phoning the cops, her mother drove past in the car, with her partner, she waved, he smiled. what is that about? this girl is confused as ****. i know she feels exactly the same as me deep down, just had tantrums each time she didnt get her way, phone the parents, boom im the bad guy. she was controlling, manipulative. all this ****. yet i still love her.
geegirl Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 listen, she is incredible. Really? She's incredible? This woman that is manipulative, controlling and unhealthy? What's incredible about that? Maybe it was the sex? If yes, stop thinking with Fred Junior. You need help and time. Your thinking is skewed. 1
KathyM Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 Why would you want someone who treats you so badly, doesn't value you, and only wants to use you as some backup guy? No matter what other things she has going for her that may attract you, you need to have the self respect not to allow any woman to devalue you like this.
Author frederickkk Posted October 11, 2012 Author Posted October 11, 2012 so its been two weeks of no contact. ive never felt so low / destroyed by something in my life.
spaniard Posted October 11, 2012 Posted October 11, 2012 (edited) so its been two weeks of no contact. ive never felt so low / destroyed by something in my life. it's full of ups and downs. like a sine wave. at first, there will be HUGE downs and tiny little ups that make you happy for 0.5 seconds. then all the sh*t comes back like a tsunami. gradually though, it will get better. certainly your ex girlfriend is incredible, irreplacable etc etc (sorry i'm chuckling to myself here. actually she is not that great. that's what i though about mine at first). you will getter better, more and more ups and fewer and fewer downs. just man up. don't let her pull you on strings. hit the gym, run, do something to your body and mental health. read some books. socialize. meet friends (old ones and new ones). start muay thai. muay thai is fun, and the knowledge of the fact that you can beat out of the sh*t of many many guys = fun. just kidding (the last sentence. the others were good advice). listen to music. no, not "oh i'm so terribly sad my gf left me i'm a man but i'm crying like a baby". not that kind of music. listen to metalcore. or hardcore. that makes you feel like a man. then hit the gym. i guess you can lift no more than 60 lbs on bench press. that's sad, dude. now, it's time to try to heal actively. Edited October 11, 2012 by spaniard
Author frederickkk Posted October 12, 2012 Author Posted October 12, 2012 i feel ****ing horrendous. like i want to be sick. it doesnt make sense as to why she wants to be single, apart from **** around at uni. what does that achieve? and from what she did for me in the relationship, she was deeply in love with me, so is there any chance of her missing me and contacting me again? O
Author frederickkk Posted October 12, 2012 Author Posted October 12, 2012 im close to flouting this police warning and texting her. i dont believe for 1 second she doesnt feel the same.
geegirl Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 (edited) Yes, please text her. Maybe when the police cuff you, then you will get the wake up call you've been needing so desperately since August. 1) No, she doesn't feel the same as you do because if she did you both would be together. Is she doing that? NO. Stop projecting your feelings on her. 2) It doesn't make sense she wants to be single? Why? Because you don't want her to be single. Make it your sense and accept it. And if she wants to **** other guys, then it's her choice to do so. She is not in an R with you and can do so. 3) I had ex's deeply in love with me. People do change and feelings do change. That is why there are break-ups, separations and divorces in the world. Nothing is a guarantee. Edited October 12, 2012 by geegirl 1
Author frederickkk Posted October 12, 2012 Author Posted October 12, 2012 her feelings havent changed though. she just wants the best of both worlds. she called the cops because she doesnt want to get found out. if i found out, id know and then her little back up plan is ****ed, because i can sell everything and MOVE ON.
geegirl Posted October 12, 2012 Posted October 12, 2012 Then you should text her. If you know she has all these feelings then text her. It's unfortunate that while she has all these feelings, she wants to **** other guys but I am sure you can work around that. Let us know what happens.
Author frederickkk Posted October 12, 2012 Author Posted October 12, 2012 both my sisters think she is an oddball. funny how i pick the psychos.
geegirl Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 Come on geegirl, you of all people should know that it's not LOVE... until there is a restraining order. Sarcasm. He wants to hear what he wants to hear. 1
spaniard Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 frederickkk, you are in the phase we call denial. your first big step would be in your healing progress to accept the fact that's over for good.
CopingGal Posted October 14, 2012 Posted October 14, 2012 yeah, and i will never get over her. i really do mean that. you could ask me in ten years and i would still want everything with her. You have no idea what you will be thinking or feeling ten years from now. You could meet your soul mate next year. You could meet your soul mate tomorrow. Chill out...don't look at ten years. Just take it day by day. Good luck.
Author frederickkk Posted October 14, 2012 Author Posted October 14, 2012 i caved last night and texted her. 4 texts in a row. couldnt control the urge.
CopingGal Posted October 14, 2012 Posted October 14, 2012 Listen to me. You are going to have to be adult about this and experience the pain and anguish on a long-term basis. You have to stay away from this person and confront the suffering...it's the only way you are going to get through this healthy. Listen, when my relationship collapsed, I felt like I was going to die, because my ex had done so many bad things to me and yet I felt I couldn't live without him. I literally felt like I was going to die. But I didn't. I didn't. I was on the floor crying....sobbing. We've all been through it. If the worse thing you ever have happen to you is a break up, your life is not so bad. It's not childish to feel pain. It's not childish to cry. But it is childish to go after someone that wants to get away from you so badly she wants to involve the police. I don't care if she gives you mixed signals, you have to pay attention to that signal. It's going to be okay. But you have to act like a man and at least try to be strong. Consider this post to be "tough love." Grieve until the "cows come home" but grieve without her. As of this moment consider her dead. She has died so you can't contact her. You can't spend time with her. I know that seems terrible and extreme, but sometimes you have to think that way in order to let go. Take care of you and seek some therapy. PM me if you need help finding a low cost therapist.
brokenheart415 Posted October 15, 2012 Posted October 15, 2012 While you still have the power, NC as soon as possible. Don't even let her be friends with you, if she wants you back she will come back. The more you're gone, the more she will miss you, if that is possible. Take your phone's sim card out, delete her number for now, and wait it out. If she texts you, be cool as possible and don't give in immediately, she has to come to you if she really wants you. Otherwise, put your focus towards something else/someone else.
Pacman Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 Wow. She must've taken your balls with her when she dumped you. I know you're hurting. We've all been there. But seriously, grow a pair. You have her way high on a pedestal, even though she treats you like crap? Have some self-respect for yourself, then MAYBE she'll grow to respect you as well. Young girls aren't worth your time. Find yourself a woman. But I think you need to work on yourself first.. That's just me with some tough advice.
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