My girlfriend got engaged after we broke up and is now back with me - How to cope??

[clarification]

My girlfriend and I met just under three years ago and we were each other's firsts.

Our relationship ended as I was heading back to University - she had just reached the legal age for drinking and going out and felt scared we would grow apart while I was at University.

She fell into a relationship shortly after we broke up, to take her mind off her thoughts of me, eventually getting engaged to this guy, 6 months later.

After a year with the fellow, she realised the mistakes she had made, particularly not keeping in touch with me as a friend.

Around her birthday in the third quarter of last year, she got particularly intoxicated and rang to tell me she still loved me.

We met up earlier in the year, with the fire of passion still burning. I was again returning to University and though it would just be like before, but we continued to talk, then she visited me a couple of times, gradually re-falling in love with each other; the changed version - NOT the memory of what we once had.

We are happily together now, but there is some advice I'd like from anyone out there who has been in a similar situation...Where the ex (now a current) has been engaged with someone after you and you have not so much as even dated someone since the break-up.

Any experiences y'all would share would be great!

~clarification

[uriel]

Sounds like this girl felt so strongly for you that she gave up the guy she was going to marry for another shot with you. Yet, you are still feeling the pain of her having broken up with you before and moved on to someone else. Maybe you feel vulnerable, too, because you didn't have a similar experience -- no one else. Those are perfectly normal feelings. Getting back together -- which helps you heal somewhat -- doesn't mean all past hurts and present doubts are erased.

 

I think, to get help with them, you need to understand more about why she was so afraid she did a preemptive break-up. Why did she feel she couldn't compete with your new life? Why did she need to have a guy who was right there and lock him down? She had and may still have some deep-rooted insecurities. What are they? Perhaps even more importantly, how do they spring from her low self-esteem and what can you do to help her build that up so that she doesn't act out in a negative way again?

 

Talking this through may help you to ensure they don't give the two of you any stumbling blocks in the future. Getting her to believe in her own value longterm will help to ensure that too.

 

 

-- uriel

[clarification]

Thank you uriel.

 

What you have written is pretty much how I have dealt with things and moved on.

 

I also value your opinion and views, as I have read a few responses from you and you express yourself in quite an articulate and concise manner.

 

Cheers,

 

~clarification~

B.Psych. (JCU)

[Townsville, Australia]