SerCay Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 Hi LS readers, After being gone for a while now here I am again. My ex and I tried another round and yet we failed again. To be honest..HE failed again. Doesn't matter how much I tried to avoid the finger poiting, I just can't help doing it. Here's what's up: 2 Issues i had, which caused our previous break up were 1. He didn't want to put me on FB as his gf and 2. He was always always being secretive over his phone, yet when he wasn't around me, he was continuously chatting and busy with his phone. Now before you shoot me down () for these seemingly petty issues, there's a history to it. A history of him hiding me from past girlfriends, normal girlfriends, normal friends, etc. Facebook was my final answer for myself. When he didn't want to do it, I had my answer right there, i was to be hidden like a mistress until he was ready to acknowledge his commitment to the world. The part of the phone, I have seen once that he was being called by girls I had never even heard of when I had to make a phone call with his phone, 1 time in 2 years. Until that I was not suspicious at all. When this event happened after 1 year of being together, and he got angry with me for asking who they were, I got suspicious. Anyway, we broke up for these reasons because I was done with the secrecy. If I want to be a mistress, I'll find myself a married man. He begged me to come back because I was the woman he wanted to be with for a long time. He wanted to solve the issues. We solved a couple of them, which made me very happy. Then yesterday it came to these FB and phone issues. He agreed to put me on FB and he agreed to stop being secretive over his phone. But he got very angry with me and told me I was taking his nuts, his manhood from him. That I should have waited until HE was ready for it. I told him I didnt want it that way. If he didn't want to do it, to recover the damage he had done with me, then I didn't want it at all. He said he would do it anyway. Guess what happened? When I checked his FB today, he had removed 95!! of his friends.. I'm in shock. How can a person be so obvious? How can you be so obvious in trying to hide your girlfriend? This just ruined everything, and only proved my suspicion of him hiding me from people. Am I wrong guys and girls, to think that he must have been doing secretive stuff so he has to remove these friends before adding me as his gf? Am I being overly paranoid? Please tell me, because it's the only logical explanation that comes up in my mind. Am curious what ya'll think, and please be brutally honest with me as well if you think I'm overreacting..
NoMoreJerks Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 (edited) I don't know -- can't really tell. Wasn't there to see body language, etc. But here's some insights from my experience: -My ex didn't want to add me on facebook; claimed he just used it for people from work. Never added me, though he kept checking it often. I mean, I didn't care much, but I kept wondering what the big deal would be if he added me. -My ex rarely called me, and when he did, he kept the conversations short. -My ex hid me from all his friends and work colleagues, as well as from his family. No one but him (and the co-worker who was with him when we first met) knew I existed. -My ex didn't want to take pictures together; in the 4 months that we were together, we only had one picture together (he took it), which was probably intended as a "trophy" (to add to the wall of pics of women he has ****ed?). When I insisted on taking some pictures together, he kept saying we already had "some" and refused to have more taken. Those are all big red flags that I kept ignoring. Sure, they may sound petty individually, but when looked at as a whole? They are big red flags. If he's hiding you from people, especially when those people are not exes, then there's something wrong/weird going on. Edited October 9, 2012 by NoMoreJerks
NavyAirTraffic Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 "If it looks like a rat, smells like a rat, sounds like a rat, and acts like a rat, it's a rat!!!" You know there is a reason he doesn't want people to know, take him back and you'll eventually find out that reason. I'll save you the trouble, he is looking to improve his situation, one day he'll meet someone who he "thinks" is an improvement and then you'll find out this reason the hard way. Let this non-committal scumbag go!! 1
Author SerCay Posted October 9, 2012 Author Posted October 9, 2012 I don't know -- can't really tell. Wasn't there to see body language, etc. Hi Nomorejerks, No there was no body language.. I know his family and best friends..it's just (mostly) female acquaintances he didn't want me to know of.. He always told me, why does everybody I talk to once in a blue moon have to know I have a girlfriend and who she is? Made me feel pretty 'special' ahum after 2 years.. "If it looks like a rat, smells like a rat, sounds like a rat, and acts like a rat, it's a rat!!!" You know there is a reason he doesn't want people to know, take him back and you'll eventually find out that reason. I'll save you the trouble, he is looking to improve his situation, one day he'll meet someone who he "thinks" is an improvement and then you'll find out this reason the hard way. Hi NAT, I got that feeling too! it's why I left..But he keeps coming back telling me I'm the woman he wants to spend his life with...So I had to rule that out. Hence the title..his way or the high way..sigh Of course when trying to win me back he told me he was willing to give up on all these stupid acquaintances if it would make me happy, but now after him removing all these people from facebook first before adding me as his gf it only gave me a feeling that he will now do all those talkings in secretly, with secret phone numbers and so on..he just ruined the last bit of trust I had 1. Hiding them from their wives or real girlfriends...or.. 2. Ashamed of them for some reason. Either way, it's a bad scene. The bottom line is, when a man goes out of his way to keep you under wraps there is never a "good" reason. Hi Monica elise, Yes, exactly..it's a bad scene but for none of the two reasons you mention :S see my confusion?? he's always bragging about how happy he is to have a sexy smart gf like me, and how happy he is he brought someone like me to his family..the reason for this bad scene? I think he's an attention whore and it makes me sad..
NoMoreJerks Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 (edited) He always told me, why does everybody I talk to once in a blue moon have to know I have a girlfriend and who she is? Made me feel pretty 'special' ahum after 2 years.. Yeah... can't say I haven't heard that line.... Should've told him: "why/how is it a bad thing if they do know that you have a girlfriend and know who she is, even if they are people you talk to once in a blue moon? What's the problem?" I'd have left this douchebag. In hindsight, I should've left my ex a long time ago, when I first noticed those red flags. Our relationship having been still in its infancy, I thought he just didn't want to rush into things. There was more to it than that, though. There is ALWAYS more to it than that. A man who is crazy about you and does not intend on just using you, will NOT hide you from anyone, even from the very start. The purpose of hiding you from everyone is for him to do the things he will do with you (primarily use you as a mistress/fling/sex toy) and not have people talk about it / not face the social stigma. Show him the entrance to the high way! Edited October 9, 2012 by NoMoreJerks 1
Author SerCay Posted October 9, 2012 Author Posted October 9, 2012 . Show him the entrance to the high way! :laugh:love this line! I did so.. 1
Jack32 Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 His behavior is definitely strange but at the same time you seem to be pushing him about certain stuff quite a bit as well. Maybe he just doesn't like posting about all aspects of his life on facebook? Does he use it all the time or rarely? You may be overreacting a bit, or maybe not depending on what he is hiding if he is hiding something. It is a bit hard to tell, I would rather give less advice than a lot of wrong advice. 1
robaday Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 I was that guy. But I felt justified in my approach. We had had a very serious serious relationship for one year. Then due to me moving abroad for 6 months I felt it right to break it off. We got back together when I moved back and it was even better. This time, was even more serious, we slept round at each others houses 6 nights a week. She hung out with all my friends and family, me with hers. Then while I was on holiday she broke things off a week before I got back, and had left the country on her own holiday before I had a chance to see her or get an explanation. A month later she begged for me back. I was already cautious. I then found out shed gone on holiday with her ex bf. So basically for some 6 months I didnt commit but carried on seeing her. She did pretty much think I was ashamed of her, or that I was cheating. I wasnt. I just didnt have a lot of confidence after two break ups. I figured, I aint gonna drag all my friends and family into this drama, until I know its right. It was that I was ashamed of her. But, anyones whos ever been in an on-off relationship knows what its like when theyre friends comfort them, help them through their grief, only to get back together. I dont regret the way I handled things, I was being cautious, Id been burnt, and didnt feel the need to jump into another relationship......
JustALittleBit Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 If they are not the most blatant RED FLAGS ever I don't know what is. Seriously, I can't believe you're even doubting yourself, this dude is bad news. I was with a guy that was secretive about his phone... he had no friends yet somehow he was always texting. Had a few girls posting to him on his facebook that he said were just friends... hit me at the end of our relationship when ***** hit the fan, I contacted one of his lady friends and OOOOH but THEY were "dating" too??? This is the sort of guy you will marry who will have multiple affairs and random one nighters. There is absolutely no future there with him that doesn't involve a crapload of drama and heartbreak. 1
Author SerCay Posted October 12, 2012 Author Posted October 12, 2012 His behavior is definitely strange but at the same time you seem to be pushing him about certain stuff quite a bit as well. Maybe he just doesn't like posting about all aspects of his life on facebook? Does he use it all the time or rarely? You may be overreacting a bit, or maybe not depending on what he is hiding if he is hiding something. It is a bit hard to tell, I would rather give less advice than a lot of wrong advice. hi Jack, yes I cannot deny I have been rather pushy on this fb thing...i was pushy because so many things have happened with him in the past that scarred me, that I just wanted the acknowledgement finally, that he had come clean.. If they are not the most blatant RED FLAGS ever I don't know what is. Seriously, I can't believe you're even doubting yourself, this dude is bad news. This is the sort of guy you will marry who will have multiple affairs and random one nighters. There is absolutely no future there with him that doesn't involve a crapload of drama and heartbreak. Hi jalb, thats why i've been so pushy on this matter...somehow I related it with all u are saying right there, because people dont change, nor should you want to change someone you're with...but if this really is what he was like..i would leave..which I did for a seemingly petty thing. The underlyings are huge..what can I say..
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