ImperfectionisBeauty Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 I have been out on 2 dates with this guy and we text a lot (but not obsessively a lot) and he talks to me like he can see himself with me but idk how I feel yet. At first I was like "OMG I like him so much blah blah" but now I don't know. I know that I like him as a person and I like going out with him, he is the type of guy that I would date. He is super smart and funny and athletic and driven and he wants a ltr which is like a jackpot! He seems really sincere. I like kissing him a lot haha which is good. I just am not totally sure that I like him like him a lot! Is it too soon for me to have those feelings? I didn't know I liked my ex a lot until maybe the 3rd date and until when he said he wanted to be official and exclusive. So maybe it'll happen then? I really want to like him because he likes me and he is a good guy and he would be a good boyfriend. So I am kind of unsure about what I'm supposed to do? Maybe hang out with him a lot more?
LittlePrince Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 Reading the inner workings of the female is a sure mind killer and has also been the death of many a healthy relationship. Maybe if the relationship wasn't good for you then we'd be up to nine home runs by now and why are all the good men taken as he left you in a sleazy motel on the interstate. Not even a motel 6. That would be too high class.
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted October 9, 2012 Author Posted October 9, 2012 Reading the inner workings of the female is a sure mind killer and has also been the death of many a healthy relationship. Maybe if the relationship wasn't good for you then we'd be up to nine home runs by now and why are all the good men taken as he left you in a sleazy motel on the interstate. Not even a motel 6. That would be too high class. I'm super confused about what you are saying..? It seems like super rambles..
LittlePrince Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 I'm super confused about what you are saying..? It seems like super rambles.. Rational Thought. Confuses women every time. 1
amaysngrace Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 You're being smart to not like him too much this soon. Make sure he is worth you liking him. It's going to take time for him to prove that so just go slow emotionally and physically. Because it sounds like once you've gotten physical it messes you up emotionally. Just go slow and get to know him. 1
LittlePrince Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 You're being smart to not like him too much this soon. Make sure he is worth you liking him. It's going to take time for him to prove that so just go slow emotionally and physically. Because it sounds like once you've gotten physical it messes you up emotionally. Just go slow and get to know him. The problem is she likes him the way anorexics like food....as a concept. 3
CarrieT Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 I honestly believe you like the IDEA of having a boyfriend more than the actual person. Based on all your writings, you are so young and inexperienced when it comes to long-term relationships and this is a period of getting to know what it is like to get to know someone - let alone fall in love. This is why it is good you aren't having sex with him yet. I can guarantee that as soon as you do, you will convince yourself that you are "in love" forever with him and want his babies... :rolleyes: 2
LittlePrince Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 I honestly believe you like the IDEA of having a boyfriend more than the actual person. Based on all your writings, you are so young and inexperienced when it comes to long-term relationships and this is a period of getting to know what it is like to get to know someone - let alone fall in love. This is why it is good you aren't having sex with him yet. I can guarantee that as soon as you do, you will convince yourself that you are "in love" forever with him and want his babies... :rolleyes: Because semen has that kind of potency. 1
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted October 9, 2012 Author Posted October 9, 2012 I honestly believe you like the IDEA of having a boyfriend more than the actual person. Based on all your writings, you are so young and inexperienced when it comes to long-term relationships and this is a period of getting to know what it is like to get to know someone - let alone fall in love. This is why it is good you aren't having sex with him yet. I can guarantee that as soon as you do, you will convince yourself that you are "in love" forever with him and want his babies... :rolleyes: I agree about the wanting a boyfriend more than an actual person. I know I want the man marriage and babies and you can insert any more in that scene (I know it's bad and it shouldn't be like that). I think part of it is with my ex things moved super super fast we were nonstop always together and when I wasn't with him I was in the phone with him, we texted all day everyday, with this guy it isn't like that. We text a few times a day it's normal, we see each other when we have time and its just really mellow. I'm used to kind of clinging on to a guy and just holding on for dear life so it doesn't end. That's probably what happened with my ex, when I realized things were falling apart with him I went into serious panic mode and just probably became unbearably clingy. I don't want to do that now. He wants to move slow and I do too but I'm scared what if it goes too slow? Then he will find another girl who will move faster.
amaysngrace Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 He wants to move slow and I do too but I'm scared what if it goes too slow? Then he will find another girl who will move faster. Then let him. If all he wants you for is sex then he is just another loser. 3
CarrieT Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 I'm used to kind of clinging on to a guy and just holding on for dear life so it doesn't end. And, if memory serves, that relationship only lasted a few months??? To establish a LIFE LONG relationship - i.e., one that can involve children, you really need to S....L....O....W..... D....O....W....N..... You have tons and tons of growing and maturing to do before you can even want that sort of thing. Look how freaked out you are about a guy who've only known for two weeks? Project that out for twenty for forty years! You aren't ready.
veggirl Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 Girl you need to calm down!! It's been 2 dates! You barely know him. You don't know him well enough to be all ga-ga over anything other than the IDEA of him. Just slow your roll and get to know him. You don't need to be in love and exclusive and serious by your 3rd date lol. Relax! 1
HeldbyGravity Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 I think everyone is different, so I wouldn't worry about this until you really, really get to know him personally . I end up falling fast once I get to know an awesome person- not always in love, I've only been in love Once. But romantically, I usually just have feelings after they have expressed themselves to me in certain ways.
carhill Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 I didn't know I liked my ex a lot until maybe the 3rd date and until when he said he wanted to be official and exclusive. So maybe it'll happen then? I really want to like him because he likes me and he is a good guy and he would be a good boyfriend. So I am kind of unsure about what I'm supposed to do? Maybe hang out with him a lot more? If your attraction style has resulted in healthy relationships in the past, then go with it. If you've found yourself at a 'meh' moment early on (months) into the interaction, especially after some emotional and sexual intimacy, then perhaps that style isn't working for you and needs re-examination. Myself, 'feelings' of genuine love result from substantial time spent together and where synergistic growth has occurred. Since even those interactions didn't result in a life-long relationship/marriage, I guess they could be termed failures, but they did have success for a substantial period of time and those successes and also those failures taught important life lessons regarding the balance of 'having feelings' and 'recognizing compatibilities' in a synergistic way. So, would you say that a guy you 'like to kiss' is normally sexually attractive to you, meaning you want physical contact with him? How do you delineate someone you kiss as an expression of affection for their importance in your life from someone you kiss because you lust after them sexually? How does it feel?
BetheButterfly Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 I have been out on 2 dates with this guy and we text a lot (but not obsessively a lot) and he talks to me like he can see himself with me but idk how I feel yet. At first I was like "OMG I like him so much blah blah" but now I don't know. I know that I like him as a person and I like going out with him, he is the type of guy that I would date. He is super smart and funny and athletic and driven and he wants a ltr which is like a jackpot! He seems really sincere. I like kissing him a lot haha which is good. I just am not totally sure that I like him like him a lot! Is it too soon for me to have those feelings? I didn't know I liked my ex a lot until maybe the 3rd date and until when he said he wanted to be official and exclusive. So maybe it'll happen then? I really want to like him because he likes me and he is a good guy and he would be a good boyfriend. So I am kind of unsure about what I'm supposed to do? Maybe hang out with him a lot more? Hang out with him more. Get to know him better. See if those feelings come. Don't push yourself to feel "something" for him, ok? Let nature take its course.
BetheButterfly Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 Myself, 'feelings' of genuine love result from substantial time spent together and where synergistic growth has occurred. I agree with this! Since even those interactions didn't result in a life-long relationship/marriage, I guess they could be termed failures, I don't think they are failures. For example, my first marriage I don't deem a failure. I deem a learning experience when both he and I were immature. We both learned from the experience and as far as I know, he is in a wonderful happy relationship with another lady. I am so grateful that I am in a wonderful happy relationship with my husband!!! but they did have success for a substantial period of time and those successes and also those failures taught important life lessons regarding the balance of 'having feelings' and 'recognizing compatibilities' in a synergistic way. Agreed!
Ninjainpajamas Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 Unfortunately you've got an immaturity streak to you Beauty, and that's going to get you in over your head...you don't even know what you want, you think you want a relationship but you don't even know why exactly and the way you are emotionally is just looking for some kind of connection...It's the typical kind of magical way of looking for a partner without using an common sense or experience. In the end the likely scenario is you'll have sex with this guy and then he'll go from being "OK" to "Is he the one?" overnight. Women much older than you do the same thing though, it's the way your brain is wired, so the more time and more sex you have with a man the less self-control you'll have before you're just an emotional being walking around not really being able to make sense of anything rational or logical...well at least not to the point where you'd find some excuse like nobody is perfect and you'll find acceptable reasons for you to continue on with a relationship that are good enough for you...even though deep down you know better and don't really believe it. You're supposed to be getting to know a guy, but you've also got to know what to look for and how to get to know somebody, not sure IF that's realistically achievable for you but I'd recommend trying to put off sex to really get to know him...and If he's really into you then he'll still stick around, If you're worried he'll just go get vagina somewhere else then you don't have that much respect or expectations for yourself If you'd simply sleep with a guy just because you think he'll go get it somewhere else. Men may stick around with a woman that sleeps with him right away because he's getting something out of it, but he won't stick around in the end either way so you're wasting your time anyway..but If you're just about living in the moment anyway then just take the plunge and see what happens...It's what you're likely to do anyway.
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted October 9, 2012 Author Posted October 9, 2012 Unfortunately you've got an immaturity streak to you Beauty, and that's going to get you in over your head...you don't even know what you want, you think you want a relationship but you don't even know why exactly and the way you are emotionally is just looking for some kind of connection...It's the typical kind of magical way of looking for a partner without using an common sense or experience. In the end the likely scenario is you'll have sex with this guy and then he'll go from being "OK" to "Is he the one?" overnight. Women much older than you do the same thing though, it's the way your brain is wired, so the more time and more sex you have with a man the less self-control you'll have before you're just an emotional being walking around not really being able to make sense of anything rational or logical...well at least not to the point where you'd find some excuse like nobody is perfect and you'll find acceptable reasons for you to continue on with a relationship that are good enough for you...even though deep down you know better and don't really believe it. You're supposed to be getting to know a guy, but you've also got to know what to look for and how to get to know somebody, not sure IF that's realistically achievable for you but I'd recommend trying to put off sex to really get to know him...and If he's really into you then he'll still stick around, If you're worried he'll just go get vagina somewhere else then you don't have that much respect or expectations for yourself If you'd simply sleep with a guy just because you think he'll go get it somewhere else. Men may stick around with a woman that sleeps with him right away because he's getting something out of it, but he won't stick around in the end either way so you're wasting your time anyway..but If you're just about living in the moment anyway then just take the plunge and see what happens...It's what you're likely to do anyway. I am honestly honestly going to wait! I want to because I want to see where this goes. I think kissing is ok though right? We kiss a lot but I am going to stop at kissing/making out. I don't want to feel like crap if I have sex with him. I gotta be smart this time
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