KatZee Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 No, if anyone pulls this on me, than everything was NOT as it seamed.. we were not as honest and open with each other as I thought we were! You answered your own question. "How does someone move on from a three year relationship like it was nothing?" That's exactly how. I was 3 years with mine and in the end I finally found out the full scope of lies, and bulls.hit he put me through. What I thought was real, WASN'T. Where I thought we were close, and able to tell each other everything? He was off sneaking behind my back screwing his ex. When he badmouthed her and said he didn't love her and was over her and never felt for anyone what he felt for me? I believed it.
Leigh 87 Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 You answered your own question. "How does someone move on from a three year relationship like it was nothing?" That's exactly how. I was 3 years with mine and in the end I finally found out the full scope of lies, and bulls.hit he put me through. What I thought was real, WASN'T. Where I thought we were close, and able to tell each other everything? He was off sneaking behind my back screwing his ex. When he badmouthed her and said he didn't love her and was over her and never felt for anyone what he felt for me? I believed it. ...........Meh. I think my partner is too damn lazy to get around with moer than one women! lol I cannot imagine him finishing his hard job and... doing anything but drive here and crash lol. and god, I feel like he is too attached to be able to... you know. ....We both feel that... with cheating, we MAY WE WELL BE SINGLE lol. I would never trust anyone again if he ... turned out to be the worlds best actor. Given his best friends who have known him for years would also be stunned. ........I would put it down to him being the worlds best actor, and a sociopath; totally lying EVERY DAY to a women in the worst possible way. Such a person is truly sick, that they feel the need to BE with someone when they do not even care about them, and merel stay with them cos its "convenient":sick::sick: Such people should be... put on an Island. So they only have each other's hearts to play with.
Leigh 87 Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 Okay now I am scared and am going to run away from all these f*cking horror stories:sick::sick: *runs* And that guy is a sociopath. ZERO conscious or empathy for you, a person he spent THREE YEARS with. I still doubt it'll happen to me with my bf, but to know it could happen to anyone is very... strange. I really do think such people should be kille.... I mean, sent to their own bloody place in which they can use their silly games on other @ssholes who deserve it. Relationships have enough issues as it is... No need for people who act for 3 years for.. No normal reason.
KatZee Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 Given his best friends who have known him for years would also be stunned. My ex was the worlds best actor. He actually puts himself out there as the "good guy." And on a superficial level, that's exactly how he comes off. Everyone absolutely loves him. He's so great. He's so wonderful. His friends all love him, his family all loves him. In his world, he can do no wrong. I am not exaggerating in the least about this. He finally confessed to cheating, I found out all of the lies, I found out how shallow he is on a mental level, how superficial he is and that's one of the things I actually told him when we were fighting about that infidelity. I told him how I HATED how everyone made him out to be such a great person. That everyone loved him, and that everyone thought he was such an amazing person with morals and integrity, and that I HATED I knew the real him. What a liar he was. What a cheat. What a cowardly, immature, selfish, self-absorbed, egotistical bastard he was. His friends and family don't know ANY of this about him. He keeps his friendships EXTREMELY superficial and he doesn't like when people are angry with him, so he says what people want to hear. He lies so he doesn't have to deal with consequences. He doesn't have conversations with his family members either. Extremely superficial. He internalizes everything and because of this he makes the wrong decisions over and over and over again. When we ended, I finally knew it was time to come clean, because everyone was still acting like he was some saint. That he did no wrong. When I told people he had cheated on me, keep in mind these are family members, and friends he's known for YEARS AND YEARS. They all looked at me like I had 10 heads. No one could believe it and I'm sure some people probably still question it. They were like, "He CHEATED on you?! [Ex's name here] CHEATED ON YOU?!?! Are you kidding me? I never would have thought he'd be capable of something like this! Are you SERIOUS?!" And I had to be like... uh yeah. He's actually not that f.ucking wonderful the way you all make him out to be. He's actually a pretty s.hitty person.
Author Rosane Posted October 10, 2012 Author Posted October 10, 2012 Okay now I am scared and am going to run away from all these f*cking horror stories:sick::sick: *runs* And that guy is a sociopath. ZERO conscious or empathy for you, a person he spent THREE YEARS with. I still doubt it'll happen to me with my bf, but to know it could happen to anyone is very... strange. I really do think such people should be kille.... I mean, sent to their own bloody place in which they can use their silly games on other @ssholes who deserve it. Relationships have enough issues as it is... No need for people who act for 3 years for.. No normal reason. Funny, you mentioned something that I had thought of as well about my ex but straight away dismissed it, as I also thought I could be going too far- him being a sociopath- strange but then I thought- "Come on, get a grip, what's next? serial killer, lol?" Some people are chasers, they only like the chase, but others, like my ex, can take a relationship much longer and beyond the chase phase, while it's still suiting his needs. My ex treated me, in the beginning, like I was his little doll, lavished me with attention and presents and thought he was the one who was showing me a whole new world. At the time, I needed change in my life, was stuck in a rut at work, so he thought he could choose a new career for me, not by forcing me to do anything I didn't want to, but trying to find ways to influence me. He would go shopping with me and would try to persuade me to buy what he wanted, although he never criticised me for my choices. He would try to put me off doing things I wanted to do, though he would be quiet and just play his game in the nicest way possible. As soon as he realised I was a separate issue from him, he stopped giving me attention and treated me differently. As soon as I started severely pointing out what he was doing wrong, he went off me. I know, unhealthy, crazy relationship! He was obsessed with me in the beginning, totally insane! But it wasn't real love, it was supefricial , plastic love. He confessed to me in the end he's uncapable of being with any woman for too long. I saw the red flags and I chose to ignore them all. He lied to me about so much! He'd always find an excuse for his lies and guess what? I believed him! He, too, badmouthed his other ex to the point that one day I said: "If you talk about a woman's physical appearance like that, what are you going to say about me one day?" He apologised, sweet-talked me again and I believed him. I'm responsible for my own misery now. I knew what he was like but fell for those blue puppy eyes, his charisma, his charm, his lies! His speech was so influential to me that I would believe anything he said. I still miss that loser, not what I found about the real him: the liar, the cheater, the dodger, but the image of the 'perfect man' he does pass to everyone (just like katzee's bf). Yes, I should have forgotten him now, but his presence was so strong in my life that I still dream of him at night, 'nightmare-station'. What's more, there's something else I can't reveal here- 1) I do not have any evidence at all, it's only a brief suspicion. 2) It's too serious to reveal this in a public forum anyway. Because if I had any evidence, I'd report him to authorities. Not for revenge, but to do the right thing. For now, all these chats have helped me realise I must move on; I have seen his true colours. Thanks everyone.
Author Rosane Posted October 10, 2012 Author Posted October 10, 2012 Okay now I am scared and am going to run away from all these f*cking horror stories:sick::sick: *runs* And that guy is a sociopath. ZERO conscious or empathy for you, a person he spent THREE YEARS with. I still doubt it'll happen to me with my bf, but to know it could happen to anyone is very... strange. I really do think such people should be kille.... I mean, sent to their own bloody place in which they can use their silly games on other @ssholes who deserve it. Relationships have enough issues as it is... No need for people who act for 3 years for.. No normal reason. Funny, you mentioned something that I had thought of as well about my ex but straight away dismissed it, as I also thought I could be going too far- him being a sociopath- strange but then I thought- "Come on, get a grip, what's next? serial killer, lol?" Some people are chasers, they only like the chase, but others, like my ex, can take a relationship much longer and beyond the chase phase, while it's still suiting his needs. My ex treated me, in the beginning, like I was his little doll, lavished me with attention and presents and thought he was the one who was showing me a whole new world. At the time, I needed change in my life, was stuck in a rut at work, so he thought he could choose a new career for me, not by forcing me to do anything I didn't want to, but trying to find ways to influence me. He would go shopping with me and would try to persuade me to buy what he wanted, although he never criticised me for my choices. He would try to put me off doing things I wanted to do, though he would be quiet and just play his game in the nicest way possible. As soon as he realised I was a separate issue from him, he stopped giving me attention and treated me differently. As soon as I started severely pointing out what he was doing wrong, he went off me. I know, unhealthy, crazy relationship! He was obsessed with me in the beginning, totally insane! But it wasn't real love, it was supefricial , plastic love. He confessed to me in the end he's uncapable of being with any woman for too long. I saw the red flags and I chose to ignore them all. He lied to me about so much! He'd always find an excuse for his lies and guess what? I believed him! He, too, badmouthed his other ex to the point that one day I said: "If you talk about a woman's physical appearance like that, what are you going to say about me one day?" He apologised, sweet-talked me again and I believed him. I'm responsible for my own misery now. I knew what he was like but fell for those blue puppy eyes, his charisma, his charm, his lies! His speech was so influential to me that I would believe anything he said. I still miss that loser, not what I found about the real him: the liar, the cheater, the dodger, but the image of the 'perfect man' he does pass to everyone (just like katzee's bf). Yes, I should have forgotten him now, but his presence was so strong in my life that I still dream of him at night, 'nightmare-station'. What's more, there's something else I can't reveal here- 1) I do not have any evidence at all, it's only a brief suspicion. 2) It's too serious to reveal this in a public forum anyway. Because if I had any evidence, I'd report him to authorities. Not for revenge, but to do the right thing. For now, all these chats have helped me realise I must move on; I have seen his true colours. Thanks everyone.
Leigh 87 Posted October 11, 2012 Posted October 11, 2012 My ex was the worlds best actor. He actually puts himself out there as the "good guy." And on a superficial level, that's exactly how he comes off. Everyone absolutely loves him. He's so great. He's so wonderful. His friends all love him, his family all loves him. In his world, he can do no wrong. I am not exaggerating in the least about this. He finally confessed to cheating, I found out all of the lies, I found out how shallow he is on a mental level, how superficial he is and that's one of the things I actually told him when we were fighting about that infidelity. I told him how I HATED how everyone made him out to be such a great person. That everyone loved him, and that everyone thought he was such an amazing person with morals and integrity, and that I HATED I knew the real him. What a liar he was. What a cheat. What a cowardly, immature, selfish, self-absorbed, egotistical bastard he was. His friends and family don't know ANY of this about him. He keeps his friendships EXTREMELY superficial and he doesn't like when people are angry with him, so he says what people want to hear. He lies so he doesn't have to deal with consequences. He doesn't have conversations with his family members either. Extremely superficial. He internalizes everything and because of this he makes the wrong decisions over and over and over again. When we ended, I finally knew it was time to come clean, because everyone was still acting like he was some saint. That he did no wrong. When I told people he had cheated on me, keep in mind these are family members, and friends he's known for YEARS AND YEARS. They all looked at me like I had 10 heads. No one could believe it and I'm sure some people probably still question it. They were like, "He CHEATED on you?! [Ex's name here] CHEATED ON YOU?!?! Are you kidding me? I never would have thought he'd be capable of something like this! Are you SERIOUS?!" And I had to be like... uh yeah. He's actually not that f.ucking wonderful the way you all make him out to be. He's actually a pretty s.hitty person. Ohhh. So, was he overtly nice? As in, you thought it was too good to be true sort of nice? Andrew, my partner is nothing like that (not that it makes it less likely he won't cheat). I never thought "wow he is a saint", it aint that extreme!! He is just a nice sort of fella, you know, the sort of friend who has proved himself among his mates as a " true friend" over the years". He if cheated, people would not be too amazed and in any sort of disbelief! Sure, they would wonder, as we are quiet loving and obvious close when we are together, but Andrew sure does not act like some over the top saint who can do no wrong. I really hope Andrew does not turn out to be like your ex!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and HEY - was your ex the JEALOUS type????????? Just wondering..... You know, I heard big dirty cheaters like him act very jealous. Ironic considering they are disgusting cheating scum. Andrew is not overtly jealous, I was just wondering. He shows he cares about me and other guys, but is not ridiculous about it.
Leigh 87 Posted October 11, 2012 Posted October 11, 2012 Funny, you mentioned something that I had thought of as well about my ex but straight away dismissed it, as I also thought I could be going too far- him being a sociopath- strange but then I thought- "Come on, get a grip, what's next? serial killer, lol?" Some people are chasers, they only like the chase, but others, like my ex, can take a relationship much longer and beyond the chase phase, while it's still suiting his needs. My ex treated me, in the beginning, like I was his little doll, lavished me with attention and presents and thought he was the one who was showing me a whole new world. At the time, I needed change in my life, was stuck in a rut at work, so he thought he could choose a new career for me, not by forcing me to do anything I didn't want to, but trying to find ways to influence me. He would go shopping with me and would try to persuade me to buy what he wanted, although he never criticised me for my choices. He would try to put me off doing things I wanted to do, though he would be quiet and just play his game in the nicest way possible. As soon as he realised I was a separate issue from him, he stopped giving me attention and treated me differently. As soon as I started severely pointing out what he was doing wrong, he went off me. I know, unhealthy, crazy relationship! He was obsessed with me in the beginning, totally insane! But it wasn't real love, it was supefricial , plastic love. He confessed to me in the end he's uncapable of being with any woman for too long. I saw the red flags and I chose to ignore them all. He lied to me about so much! He'd always find an excuse for his lies and guess what? I believed him! He, too, badmouthed his other ex to the point that one day I said: "If you talk about a woman's physical appearance like that, what are you going to say about me one day?" He apologised, sweet-talked me again and I believed him. I'm responsible for my own misery now. I knew what he was like but fell for those blue puppy eyes, his charisma, his charm, his lies! His speech was so influential to me that I would believe anything he said. I still miss that loser, not what I found about the real him: the liar, the cheater, the dodger, but the image of the 'perfect man' he does pass to everyone (just like katzee's bf). Yes, I should have forgotten him now, but his presence was so strong in my life that I still dream of him at night, 'nightmare-station'. What's more, there's something else I can't reveal here- 1) I do not have any evidence at all, it's only a brief suspicion. 2) It's too serious to reveal this in a public forum anyway. Because if I had any evidence, I'd report him to authorities. Not for revenge, but to do the right thing. For now, all these chats have helped me realise I must move on; I have seen his true colours. Thanks everyone. Oh gross:sick: I HATE when guys try to bad mouth their exes..... ALWAYS a abd sign. Even when Andrew said about his ex "yeah, she had a too small @ss, and as you know I prefer large bubble butts like yours" I pulled him up lol! I was like " look, it is a bad sign when guys say anything negative about heir e xes! It is an indicator that they will say bad things about their CURRENT partner one day! I am sure you LOVED HER BUTT at the time!!" LOL.. He was like " yeah okay, I did enjoy her butt and it looked alright naked, but I DO prefer bubble butts on thin girls like you way better than small butts" Sorry, but I do not buy it when guys diss their exes... it just.. makes me feel REALLY uncomfortable. And good luck Rosana! I cannot imagine what it would feel like to be in ANY of you ladies positions.... At least you know that the pain your feeling is temporary! It probably will not help for you to think of that fact, but it is true!
blue_jay_bird Posted October 11, 2012 Posted October 11, 2012 (edited) And she's powerfully sexy when she's angry and furious, too. *ducks* There's little to add to what she said. In the end, the way out is to just suck it up and let it go. It sounds much easier as it is, and I had a terrible day yesterday (which admittedly improved after I snapped at a friend of hers who got in my face needlessly), but those days are like rainy days: They don't mean that the sun won't ever shine again. They are only rainy days. Focusing on positive aspects is a deliberate mental effort, and it's hard work. Feelings are only responses to your thoughts. They are not an independent entity that you are a slave to. So, if you change your thoughts, your feelings will eventually follow suit. They have to. Start simply, e.g. with this: You always have the choice to either think a thought that makes you feel a little bit better or a little bit worse. Throw thoughts at yourself and see how they feel to you, how they make you feel. If nothing else helps, look at photos of kittens. For me, it sometimes helps a bit to try and answer the question what it is that I really miss, and occasionally that makes me realize that those things that I miss are more about myself than about her. And since they are about me, it also means that I can also change them independently of her, or anyone other person. Healing yourself requires only one person: yourself, and you will always have yourself. All you said is so right... but looking back everything still looks so romantic, i say he wasn't even that good of a boyfriend and idolizes him. so i have to make a list of what i didn't like: 1) he was judgmental 2) he treated me like a child 3) i felt like he always thought he was right/better 4) he complained all the time, about little things. 5) he took me for granted 6) he wasn't "there", he was disconnected in the end 7) he never talked about how he felt 8) he was wasn't supportive when i was down. Telling me "people go though this all the time, you have done this before." 9) he's immature about my feelings. i shouldn't even be writing a list about him, not worth my time. I KNOW what's right. But, my HEART messes with my head. Edited October 11, 2012 by blue_jay_bird
KatZee Posted October 11, 2012 Posted October 11, 2012 Ohhh. So, was he overtly nice? As in, you thought it was too good to be true sort of nice? Andrew, my partner is nothing like that (not that it makes it less likely he won't cheat). I never thought "wow he is a saint", it aint that extreme!! He is just a nice sort of fella, you know, the sort of friend who has proved himself among his mates as a " true friend" over the years". He if cheated, people would not be too amazed and in any sort of disbelief! Sure, they would wonder, as we are quiet loving and obvious close when we are together, but Andrew sure does not act like some over the top saint who can do no wrong. I really hope Andrew does not turn out to be like your ex!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and HEY - was your ex the JEALOUS type????????? Just wondering..... You know, I heard big dirty cheaters like him act very jealous. Ironic considering they are disgusting cheating scum. Andrew is not overtly jealous, I was just wondering. He shows he cares about me and other guys, but is not ridiculous about it. Yes, I thought I was so lucky to have found someone like him. I saw how his friends acted around him. I saw how his family acted around him. He appeared to be your stand up kind of guy. A real gentleman. Everyone loves him. He doesn't have drama with people, large group of friends that he's had for years. And I was blinded by this for a long time. Until I really started to view things from an objective standpoint. He can't have drama with people if he keeps things superficial. He'll really go out of his way to make everyone think he's a great guy, whether it be to buy someone a drink at the bar, or do something "nice." But then when him and I were alone he'd tell me all this s.hit. How him and his "friends" weren't even close, that they were more like his drinking buddies that he just went out with, had beers, and then went home. He said one of the girls in the group was a c.unt. He talked a load of crap about the other girl. He could be horribly nasty when he let his true colors come out, but then as quickly as it came out he'd hide it right back up and pretend to be "holier than thou." And no, my ex was not jealous at all. There was only ONE occasion in our almost three years together where I was like... "whoa you're acting really jealous... what's up?" And that wasn't the time he had cheated, so not all cheaters have that "jealous" thing going on.
pathetic1999 Posted October 11, 2012 Posted October 11, 2012 My ex also gave me that "It's not you it's me" line! hahahahah. Saying he needed to be "single to find himself" That he had no clue who he was and his head wasn't on straight. A month later he's with the girl from his new job. Like I'm really that stupid to think you didn't meet her before you dumped me. Idiot. I had to ask about this...Mine said the same thing he acted so confused for a couple of weeks I mean like freaky confused, but the more and more I read on here it's almost always a line. He said THOSE exact words, blows my mind how someone who said they would always love you, always be there for you and you could trust them would then do that out of the blue. I think he's going out with a girl from work, I don't know but I have a "feeling" I would like to confirm just because I like to know I wasn't crazy even though he told me I was, know what I mean? It seems the more I find out the more I wasn't crazy it was his hiding things (nothing huge, but regardless my feelings were straight on), and I would just like to know. How did you find out about her? Has he ever contacted you?
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