Mint Sauce Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 Not sure where to post this, but since it's part of my BU process, I put it here. One thing about my ex that strikes me, is that she repeats the life we had with her new partner, down to the details (same nickname, same holiday destinations, same "our song" etc.). It's something I couldn't do: for me a new girl has to come with a new nickname, new things to do. I'd feel really awkward if the new relationship resembled the old one. So I wonder whether she's not just using her bfs in a construction which is entirely her own, and where the guy is only playing a role, being a place holder in a play she has already written. Would that be what people call an "unavailable" person? Or is it just as likely that only the current (rebound?) guy is a place holder, and what we had was real. As I write this I see how naive that sounds, but then again, she showed so much seemingly genuine love during all these years we lived together. The idea that she never really bonded, while I did, is really heartbreaking. On a more positive note: I joined an OLD site and got a few messages from women I'd consider dating. That's at least a candle at the end of the tunnel
TaraMaiden Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 One: Stop thinking about her, checking on her and worrying about what she does with whom (how do you know all this, anyway? ) It doesn't matter, she's SEP. Two: Focus on switching the candle to a nice ornate gas-lamp. Work your way up to the light-house-sized beacon.....
ReadMyThread Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 One: Stop thinking about her, checking on her and worrying about what she does with whom (how do you know all this, anyway? ) It doesn't matter, she's SEP. Two: Focus on switching the candle to a nice ornate gas-lamp. Work your way up to the light-house-sized beacon..... lmaooo. I was thinking the SAME thing. How does he know all this about his ex? Someone is creeping! lol. FORGET HER! SHE DUMPED YOU! YOUR NOT IN HER LIFE ANYMORE! lol. Ouch that hurts just saying that but it's true. Well, if she found a new guy and is doing all the things you did with her and using all the same names, you better hope you are better than this guy. If you are, she might see it and see her mistake but if she doesn't, well that's life. Get a new B****.
Author Mint Sauce Posted October 9, 2012 Author Posted October 9, 2012 Have you ever heard of Tranference? Thank you Threebyfate. This is very good reading. She has a very messed-up relationship with her parents who divorced during her puberty. I should have known when she bought me the perfume her father wears... She managed to sell it so convincingly though.
threebyfate Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 Thank you Threebyfate. This is very good reading. She has a very messed-up relationship with her parents who divorced during her puberty. I should have known when she bought me the perfume her father wears... She managed to sell it so convincingly though.You're welcome. Will this help you to move on, in realizing that she's hauling around baggage that manifest themselves in repetitive cycles for every relationship? Don't you think you're lucky to have escaped?
Author Mint Sauce Posted October 9, 2012 Author Posted October 9, 2012 You're welcome. Will this help you to move on, in realizing that she's hauling around baggage that manifest themselves in repetitive cycles for every relationship? Don't you think you're lucky to have escaped? Yes, it will. Indeed, I'm lucky that she started a new cycle before we had kids (perhaps the fact that kids were the next step actually triggered the new cycle). It also means that I do not necessarily have to change the way I approach my partners, except to be more aware of potential red flags. It also means that my self esteem is less dented: I was confused by her choice of new partner, as I believed to be a better catch, and better to her. Clearly it is not really about him or me. It probably never was. On to a healthy girl! 2
threebyfate Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 Yes, it will. Indeed, I'm lucky that she started a new cycle before we had kids (perhaps the fact that kids were the next step actually triggered the new cycle). It also means that I do not necessarily have to change the way I approach my partners, except to be more aware of potential red flags. It also means that my self esteem is less dented: I was confused by her choice of new partner, as I believed to be a better catch, and better to her. Clearly it is not really about him or me. It probably never was. On to a healthy girl!Three cheers to you! *salutes you with a glass of pinot gris* 1
TaraMaiden Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 (edited) Someone Else's Problem.... (I learnt that from my ex-H. who used to be a computer consultant and technical engineer. Very often, at the end of a status report on repairs and remedies needed to keep a system up and running, a mechanical engineer would write "NT. SEP 4." ('Not Technical. Someone Else's Problem.' The number denoted the department they thought should look at the issue next. 1 = management. 2 = programme analyst. 3 = Senior Tecchie. 4 = Waste disposal team. ) Edited October 9, 2012 by TaraMaiden 2
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