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She went from hot to cold, what are my options for a guy who hasn't had a G/F before?


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Posted

LSer's I need your opinions and input as I am quite inexperienced in the dating scene, I swear this will be a relatively easy read because my post is so neatly formatted!

So this girl I started seeing went from hot to cold and I'm wondering what should I do?

 

About myself:

I'm 24, about to turn 25 in three months and never had G/F before in my life. I have a career, plenty of friends that are girls, am relatively out going and have a great sense of humor (or so I've been told). I would like to think I'm well-adjusted.

 

About her:

Works full-time and just began full-time graduate school for a degree in special education, which takes up 6 days a week, leaving one day to herself to rest/go out/catch up on school work. It occurred to me before our first date with her current schedule that this girl probably doesn't have time for a relationship. From her OKC questions, she is very old fashioned (the OKC Bar's would also agree). She's pointed out that the most important trait she was looking for in a partner is a goofy guy/great sense of humor (sounds like me). She also disabled/deleted her OKC account immediately after giving me her number.

 

The juicy details (not really):

Met her through OLD, Got her number, texted a bit back and forth before talking to her on the phone. Arranged a date to Ikea (I just moved to a new apartment) and happy hour afterwards - it went pretty well. I picked her up at her apartment which i thought was odd, given the fact that she was meeting a stranger and her profile stated she was very skeptical about online dating because of the creepers/crazies, she must have been comfortable with me from the get go. She had a blast and I texted her the next day to see when she was free again - we arranged another date right away for next week.

 

Second date a week later, took her to see the Los Angeles skyline - she didn't know what we were doing or where we were going. She had mentioned she liked scenic views and the drive there was through the mountains (I LOVE MOUNTAIN DRIVING) so it's a win-win for both of us. I pick her up at 11PM and she told me she wanted to be back by 2AM. You know the date is going well when she says let's stay out till 3AM halfway through the date. Took her back home after getting some drinks and food at 3AM. Gave her a hug goodnight.

 

I initiate again to set up the next date, to which she responds she'll let me know when she's free again as this was the first week of grad school. She was also stressing over not being able to add a class in order to have full units, so I give her space. Our texting begins to taper off and then she starts to take a full day to respond to my texts, to which she apologizes as shes been super busy (which I do not doubt).

 

Over a week passes by (we're still texting back forth lightly) and I call her to see how shes doing and I bring up what her plans were for the weekend were, she says sorry, busy with catching up with school and does not mention when she'll be free again (i also believe she doesn't know either with her hectic schedule). Unfortunately, it is my view that if a person is interested, they'll make time for someone even if they're incredibly busy...

 

So i'm getting mixed signals from this girl - it takes her a day to respond to my text if not longer but her responses are still long, shes using smiley faces, says i hope you have a nice day blababla, saying you crack me up (she said I was hilarious several times). If she's trying to fade me out, she's definitely doing it wrong...

 

The last time I was in contact with her was a text I sent over a week ago with a question teasing her about her busy schedule (she had sent a text in response to an earlier text from me) to which she never responded and has not initiated any contacted since then.

 

So LSer's, what's my next move here? Man I really really liked this girl too...

Posted

It sounds to me like you both like each other but maybe after two dates she was expecting (or hoping for) some sort of physical contact. Maybe she has started seeing you as a friend now and maybe that isn't what she wants. You need to find out.

 

You are too easy for her right now and she is losing interest. You need to grow a pair and stop contacting her right now. And you need to see if she gets back in touch. I think she will because she will miss the attention and wonder what is happening. If she doesn't then she isn't interested and you need to cut your losses and leave it. Otherwise you will keep chasing her, lose your self respect and confidence and you will feel like sh**.

 

When she gets back in touch to ask whats up, play her game. Make her wait. Reply a day later. Let her wonder about what you are thinking. Gauge her communication, let it roll for a while but at some point you need to be up-front and tell her you don't want to be her friend.

 

Btw, it sounds easy when you read this but trust me you need a hell of a lot of discipline and this is going to be very hard at times. But look at it this way - you are on a learning curve and there will be other girls - but right now you need to build your confidence and learn from this experience.

 

It sounds like she likes you but, at the end of the day, if she doesn't appreciate you then she does not deserve you.

 

Good luck!!!

  • Like 1
Posted

It takes two minutes to return a text.

 

That's my realistic response. If a person takes more time than they used to, to return your text, email, phone call...it means lack of interest. I don't care how busy a person is, if they want to connect with you, they'll find a way. I'm sorry, I think you should just let this one go. I'm just giving my opinion based on my own experience with my now ex-boyfriend who did the same thing.

  • Author
Posted

I've only asked when she was available twice, two days after the second date, and then over a week later. I haven't been pestering her asking when she's free nor have I been texting her everyday.

 

Anyways, the last time I contacted her was a reply to a text she sent in reply to an earlier text, that was over a week ago.

 

@notaplayer - we did hold hands for a bit - she even re-initiated hand holding so there is some physical intimacy.

 

The obvious answer is to cut my losses, but i'll probably send her a text to which i'll ask if she fancy's a chat on the phone. It's possible she didn't receive my text (she doesn't have a smartphone) and she's the type to rarely initiate in the early stages although unlikely. Oh well!

Posted

Nice formatting! A+++ would read again.

 

First of all, you've only been on two dates with this girl and exchanged texts for a short while. Since you have a little less dating experience than other people your age, you might be a little more invested in this than she is. Two dates, to me, would mean it's not that serious and that I don't have a real obligation to stay in touch as much as I would with a more evolved relationship.

 

The last time I was in contact with her was a text I sent over a week ago with a question teasing her about her busy schedule (she had sent a text in response to an earlier text from me) to which she never responded and has not initiated any contacted since then.

 

I don't know what exactly you said, but teasing her about her busy schedule might have come across as a passive-aggressive hint that you're unhappy about something, namely that you're upset she's not making enough time for you. Here's a particularly obnoxious example: "Wow, school must be sooo busy for you right now since you don't have time to return texts." I mean, how would one respond to that? It's a pretty obvious passive-aggressive display, and personally, I wouldn't reward that with a response. So maybe that's how your text was interpreted by her? If so, it's probably not a deal breaker. Just text her again with something interesting that will make it easy for her to respond to.

 

 

 

P.S. First date at IKEA? Dude. Luckily, this girl didn't seem to mind, but may I kindly suggest you never do this again? Shopping at IKEA is what young couples do when they are about to move in together. Otherwise you were just taking a girl along to run errands with you. Not fun, not exciting. And I say this as a person who loves IKEA more than I love my Aunt Shelby.

Posted

zz171 or whatever your name is. Wassup? Ru like mentally challenged or something? This girl is either not interested or playing games.

 

For me our man has to stop initiating contact and see if this girl is interested or not. If she is interested she will get in touch. He needs to be in control and keeping chasing her when she is taking a day to respond to texts and acting indifferently is not being in control.

 

If she doesn't get back in touch, then he knows the situation and he can walk away with some dignity left. The more he chases the worse he will feel and it will just push her away anyway.

 

But, hey, just my opinion.

Posted

Oh and TruthSeeker, thanks for the like. I read some of your posts and you talk a lot of sense.

  • Author
Posted

CC12 - I don't think there is anything wrong with taking her to ikea - since it doesn't require an interview like first meeting. Talking about random ikea crap also gives us plenty to talk about.

 

Our second date was plenty "exciting". I took her to city Downtown LA skyline to a spot that was closed since it was late, I had to hop over the fence and she was able to squeeze between the bars in the fence and it required a short night hike (which she mentioned she wanted to do on the first date). Not only that, a patrol ranger came and kicked us out because we had been trespassing (along with other people who had the same idea). The drive to this spot was also a very windy dark mountain road which I was driving furiously down (my natural driving style) with foxes popping out of the bushes.

 

Regarding the text, I teased her about how she was going to have time for her beauty sleep and avoiding wrinkles, seeing that she told me she wanted her skin to be youthful even in old age - hence she uses a lot of sun screen and that she sleeps at 9:30/10PM every night. Pretty sure I didn't come off as passive aggressive although it could have alluded to it since I used the word "busy".

 

I'll probably fire off a text tonight to see if there's any interest left as there really isn't much to lose (my dignity doesn't count).

Posted
CC12 - I don't think there is anything wrong with taking her to ikea - since it doesn't require an interview like first meeting. Talking about random ikea crap also gives us plenty to talk about.

 

Our second date was plenty "exciting". I took her to city Downtown LA skyline to a spot that was closed since it was late, I had to hop over the fence and she was able to squeeze between the bars in the fence and it required a short night hike (which she mentioned she wanted to do on the first date). Not only that, a patrol ranger came and kicked us out because we had been trespassing (along with other people who had the same idea). The drive to this spot was also a very windy dark mountain road which I was driving furiously down (my natural driving style) with foxes popping out of the bushes.

 

Regarding the text, I teased her about how she was going to have time for her beauty sleep and avoiding wrinkles, seeing that she told me she wanted her skin to be youthful even in old age - hence she uses a lot of sun screen and that she sleeps at 9:30/10PM every night. Pretty sure I didn't come off as passive aggressive although it could have alluded to it since I used the word "busy".

 

I'll probably fire off a text tonight to see if there's any interest left as there really isn't much to lose (my dignity doesn't count).

 

Maybe she genuinely feared for her safety.

 

Take it to the track. Public roads are no place to push to the limits. Especially with a relative stranger riding shotgun.

 

Yes, none of us are saints and we have all done it at one point in our lives. I used to be a professional driver, but I drive like a 80 year old grandma (no offence to 80 year old grandmas everywhere) when I am in public or when I have passengers with me.

 

And this concludes todays regularly scheduled PSA.

  • Author
Posted

okay I may have exaggerated a bit, a better adjective to use would have been "spirited". She also encouraged it.

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