bobsmith76 Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 I had this IM chat with a woman. She said I was too pushy. Tell me what you think. Me: hi, how are you Exhausted :-/ And you? I'm ok Me: what did you do today I taught, went to class, worked for a friend, prepped for some other classes and then had a bunch of meetings Me: which class did you teach 11 hours on campus though makes for a long day! And you? Me: finished reading 50 shades of grey for a book club, studied statistics because it's necessary for quantum mechanics, which is necessary for understanding philosophy which is necessary for understanding what life means haha, well that's quite a range of things there Me: yes what class did you teach introductory spanish Me: yo hablo espagnol. pero hablo italiano mejor ah, lo entiendo, ?por que hablas el castellano? Me: tambien no fue nunca en un pais hispanohablante. si, los dos idiomas son muy simile como tu se. what's the second person singular for saber claro sabes Me: gracias So what do you do for work? Me: i work night shift in a hotel, then gives me an opportunity to write my books on the job oh very nice Me: glad you think so Have I read anything you've written? Me: no. would you like to do a video call? no, not tonight Me: what time are you waking up tomorrow why? Me: well if you're waking up at 9am I would think we would have enough time to fit in a video call, if you're waking up at 6am probably not You know, that's pretty disrespectful I'm exhausted and being friendly and you're kind of pushy Me: I'm sorry, Her: sorry. but I'm not really interested in getting to know you better. Good luck to you on your search, I hope you find what you're looking for!
xdahliax Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 Yes, you were too pushy. If someone doesn't want to do something because of xxx reason, let them ask you next time. Also, your conversation was boring, especially that statistics bit.
Million.to.1 Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 She wasn't interested from the beginning. You wouldn't have seemed pushy to her if she interested. She was looking for an excuse. Sorry. 1
xdahliax Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 thats whats wrong with women. he gets treated like dirt for nothing which the random a-hole who blares his music and says inappropriate things gets all the women. he's a geek, thats prolly why she hates him. Lol, that's hardly being treated like dirt. The problem is not that he's a geek, the problem is that he didn't say anything remotely entertaining. It seems like he thinks a first conversation should be all about your many accomplishments, it shouldn't. Keep it more lighthearted, OP.
xdahliax Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 he did get treated like dirt. i've experened the same and worse over and over and am 33 and still have never gotten anywhere. women don't like geeks. what is a lightheated conversation? getting drunk, saying stupid things and acting like a teenager? apparently that's what gets results with the modern woman. I wonder why you have such a poor love life. Probably because you seem to have something against women. If I disagree with you, you automatically say that I like men that get drunk and act like teenagers? No...I just don't like angry, sexist men like you.
Author bobsmith76 Posted October 9, 2012 Author Posted October 9, 2012 She wasn't interested from the beginning. You wouldn't have seemed pushy to her if she interested. She was looking for an excuse. Sorry. That's what I think.
truth_seeker Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 Me: no. would you like to do a video call? no, not tonight Me: what time are you waking up tomorrow why? Me: well if you're waking up at 9am I would think we would have enough time to fit in a video call, if you're waking up at 6am probably not You know, that's pretty disrespectful I'm exhausted and being friendly and you're kind of pushy Me: I'm sorry, Her: sorry. but I'm not really interested in getting to know you better. Good luck to you on your search, I hope you find what you're looking for! He was a bit pushy pressing the video call... but she was looking for an excuse as a way out and got it. The "pretty disrespectful" comment was her way of making him look like a bad guy, thus giving her an exit.
Oxy Moronovich Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 How many times do I have to say this? Stop asking chicks out on a date via text, email, fb, chat, etc. Ask her out face to face. Asking a chick out via electronic messaging is wussy ****.
RachR Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 (edited) I didn't think the conversation was boring. I would have been intrigued by the "because it's necessary for quantum mechanics, which is necessary for understanding philosophy which is necessary for understanding what life means" bit. If anything, how she was seemed boring. Her responses were blah and snore inducing. Anyway, I think it got kind of pushy sounding when after she said "no, not tonight" and you asked what time she was waking up in the morning, and then spoke about the time that it could happen. After saying, "no not tonight" a better response would have been, "Oh, maybe some other time then?" or something along those lines, IMO. But I do agree, if she was already pretty interested, it wouldn't have seem pushy at all...it's only pushy because you didn't take the cue you were given. It's all relative. And whoever said "this is the problem with women"...give me a break, this can be the case for anything in life. You can come off as pushy with friends, family, coworkers, anyone. Edited October 9, 2012 by RachR
Author bobsmith76 Posted October 9, 2012 Author Posted October 9, 2012 . After saying, "no not tonight" a better response would have been, "Oh, maybe some other time then?" or something along those lines, IMO. But I do agree, if she was already pretty interested, it wouldn't have seem pushy at all...it's only pushy because you didn't take the cue you were given. It's all relative. This pretty much represents the consensus view.
Imajerk17 Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 You were pushy. Your trying to plan her night to schedule a video chat showed a lack of social skills on your part. That--telling her she could chat with you if she didn't have to get up so early--wasn't your only mistake though. If you are going to use IM, you also need to have a conversation that is longer and builds up more interest and connection than the one you had, before you go to video chat. I personally just use email. I get her phone number by the 3rd email, usually by the second. bobsmith, you're actually not a bad-looking guy. I get the impression that you come across as too intense and needy, and it is hurting your prospects.
SJC2008 Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 You were pushy. Your trying to plan her night to schedule a video chat showed a lack of social skills on your part. That--telling her she could chat with you if she didn't have to get up so early--wasn't your only mistake though. If you are going to use IM, you also need to have a conversation that is longer and builds up more interest and connection than the one you had, before you go to video chat. I personally just use email. I get her phone number by the 3rd email, usually by the second. bobsmith, you're actually not a bad-looking guy. I get the impression that you come across as too intense and needy, and it is hurting your prospects. How does askinv if she want's to do a video call show poor social skills? Please elaborate! Especially how that turns into "planning her night". 1
LittlePrince Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 She wasn't interested from the beginning. You wouldn't have seemed pushy to her if she interested. She was looking for an excuse. Sorry. Pretty much this.
LittlePrince Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 Me: what time are you waking up tomorrow why? Me: well if you're waking up at 9am I would think we would have enough time to fit in a video call, if you're waking up at 6am probably not You know, that's pretty disrespectful I'm exhausted and being friendly and you're kind of pushy Me: I'm sorry, Her: sorry. but I'm not really interested in getting to know you better. Good luck to you on your search, I hope you find what you're looking for! This is the point when he did start to sound controlling, anal retentive, or like he had Asperger's.
SJC2008 Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 After she turned down the video call I would of ended the convo after a couple of more exchanges. Asking her what time she got up the next day,especially since you don't know her, was pushy IMO and would of given off an uncomfortable vibe had I been her.
Imajerk17 Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 After she turned down the video call I would of ended the convo after a couple of more exchanges. Asking her what time she got up the next day,especially since you don't know her, was pushy IMO and would of given off an uncomfortable vibe had I been her. This was what I was referring to by "trying to plan her night". Usually video calling comes after a good IM session, which is why I thought he asked too soon. The OP at least needed to get her to laugh a couple of times before suggesting video calling. Again though, I like to bypass IM altogether by exchanging a couple emails and then going to phone, and then an in-person date (after 1 phone call).
Recommended Posts