JayL Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 (edited) To those familiar with my story... I got my closure after talking to several people who knows me and my ex. She was interested at first, she was into it, she wanted to be with me, but she slowly lost interest as she had gotten to know me better. She was constantly "turned off" by my actions whenever her parents are around, because apparently, I am too proper and respectful when her parents are around. Being "too proper and respectful" towards her parents and how I act when they are around caused her to lose interest, which led me to getting dumped after a month and a half of good relationship. These "good qualities" that I projected when her parents are around were also the cause of her roller coaster emotions. She will be sweet, affectionate, etc... but when I start putting away the plates after we're finished eating dinner at her place, she gets turned off and switches to the cold side and begin treating me like dump. Such actions are "looked up to" in the Asian culture if you are a guest in someone else's household as it shows "respect" to the owner of the house. Her and I are both Asians and in the Asian culture, respect and being polite to elders is a core value. The reason why her ex was disliked by her family was because he came from a different background and did not have the same level of respect and did not do the same things that I did. Which is the reason why she always compared me to him. Honestly, I do not know how to take it, I do not know how to accept it and I just have no idea how to get over this. I broke down in tears as soon as I found this out. If it was me being a total douche, that's something I can accept, but a great relationship went down the drain because of my good qualities? I just can never understand and accept that. I'm sorry, I just needed to vent as I was shocked and frozen and could not say anything after finding this out... My friends told me that she's messed in the head to be attracted in men that will treat her like a dog's dump and not fully respect her family. Edited October 9, 2012 by JayL
CptSaveAho Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 so you were a nice guy? yawn! notice a pattern with the rest of the nice guys on the forum, blame her and her actions for your failed "GOOD" 2 month relationship shes over it... i think you are blind and delusional and cant see past your own self to see your faults and the way you act/behave are unattractive to women
Balzac Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 Poor excuse! One can never make sense of crazy. Trust your friends and begin to recover. NEVER lower your personal standards to accommodate mediocrity.
Simon Phoenix Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 Honestly, it doesn't matter. If those were her true reasons, you are truly incompatible. There's nothing to "get" -- she wants something else that you weren't. You'll find someone who likes you for you. She obviously did not.
Author JayL Posted October 9, 2012 Author Posted October 9, 2012 (edited) so you were a nice guy? yawn! notice a pattern with the rest of the nice guys on the forum, blame her and her actions for your failed "GOOD" 2 month relationship shes over it... i think you are blind and delusional and cant see past your own self to see your faults and the way you act/behave are unattractive to women Nope, I'm not a nice guy at all. I always get my point across and tell her how it is. I've attempted to walk away from her several times, which she stopped me from doing so. I had my backbone on all the time, except for the last couple days of our relationship when I really tried so hard to save what we had. Her and I had a talk on our 2nd week as she always mentioned that I was too polite to her parents and she's not used to it as her ex was not like that. She did mention that she gets turned off when I act too polite and proper when her parents are around, but she loves everything about me if it was just me and her. She admitted that it was her issue that she needed to work on. I told her that it is what it is, if it's not something bad, I'm not changing anything and it's either she accepts me for me or she can go back to her ex. My exact words. I'd say that I'm a modern person with good morals and values and some old fashioned practices, but to let a woman tell me how things should be? Never going to happen. Edited October 9, 2012 by JayL
Author JayL Posted October 9, 2012 Author Posted October 9, 2012 (edited) She is going through her rebellious phase (G.I.G.S.) and looking for a rebels without a cause. She wants to have fun, date and sleep with a bunch of guys and be carefree. We've all told you and she did too. Not everyone is like you. A lot of people (Especially at her age) want to date / have relationships just for "fun". They aren't looking for love and they are turned off by people who are like you. How many times do you need to hear it before it sinks in? You only dated this girl for 6 weeks, it should not affect you this badly. There are some deeper issues going on with you. End of the day, there was NOTHING you could have done to keep a girl like her. She will pump and dump, have FWBs, date and have short term relationships with a ton of guys. Why? Because that is what she wants and what makes her happy! All you ever were was a cheap "thrill" (what she told you she was looking for) and just another notch in her bedpost. You are young... you are going to go through this dozens of times and have a few LTRs before you meet the "one". I am having a hard time going through it and geting over it for some reason. Something that I, myself, cannot understand either. I have been in many relationships, many flings, but I may be at the point in life where I really took someone this serious, to the point that it damaged me this much, as if it was something I could compare to how I felt when my last relationship of over a year ended. She always told me that she wanted a relationship with me, that she wanted us to go somewhere, that she wanted to keep me. She even got to the point that she talked about potentially moving in and buying a place together in a couple of years if things between us didn't change, which actually scared me when she said it... I believed, I hoped and I looked forward to everything she said. That's why it never made sense to me.... I don't know if she just said those things to make me stay whenever I attempted to walk away or if she really meant them. Sigh... if I only knew... I would have walked away the moment I met her. Edited October 9, 2012 by JayL
CptSaveAho Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 girls are full of crap.... stop listening to what they "SAY" once you understand this life will be SOOOOOOOOOOOO much easier 1
Simon Phoenix Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 One of these days you'll realize that the answers to these questions don't matter. They aren't important and knowing them won't change anything. It wasn't not a compatible relationship. You and her wanted two different things. That's not going to change anytime soon. You've gotten some reasoning, yet for whatever reason that hasn't sunk in.
Author JayL Posted October 9, 2012 Author Posted October 9, 2012 I'll hopefully be able to accept it soon... I've waited for over a month to get this closure... I'm just the type of person who just "needs" the truth no matter how hurtful it is to be able to move on. Without knowing the truth, I get stuck in an emotional limbo. It's just really sad that I really liked her... She's the first girl I took seriously since my last one, which was over 2 years ago now. I guess I really am just at the point in life where I am looking forward to be with that woman who I can potentially spend the rest of my life with. As my friends always describe.. "You have everything you need in your life, all you're missing is a woman beside you". My luck in relationships must be really cursed... Thanks for the support everyone. I really, really appreciate it.
Simon Phoenix Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 I'll hopefully be able to accept it soon... I've waited for over a month to get this closure... I'm just the type of person who just "needs" the truth no matter how hurtful it is to be able to move on. Without knowing the truth, I get stuck in an emotional limbo. It's just really sad that I really liked her... She's the first girl I took seriously since my last one, which was over 2 years ago now. I guess I really am just at the point in life where I am looking forward to be with that woman who I can potentially spend the rest of my life with. As my friends always describe.. "You have everything you need in your life, all you're missing is a woman beside you". My luck in relationships must be really cursed... Thanks for the support everyone. I really, really appreciate it. The truth is that it didn't work. That's the only truth that matters. 1
Author JayL Posted October 9, 2012 Author Posted October 9, 2012 The truth is that it didn't work. That's the only truth that matters. I guess I'm just angry that she made it look like it was my fault and made me feel guilty and responsible for our break up. Her last words to me were "I told you I'm only 50% into this, so you can't say I led you on" and yet, she never wanted to break up and even cried whenever I tried to walk away. "I told you I don't like attention" , but the text messages I sent her each day were not more than 4 to 5 tops and no phone call until before I go to bed, which I limit to "hey, just called to say goodnight" and she would respond with "hanging up already?" , so sometimes, I'd stay on the phone if I wasn't too tired. If I saw her that day, which usually was after work, we spent time together for a couple of hours, eat dinner, watch TV and I went home. She was the one who would message me and ask if I was already home and all my response was "yep, thanks babe, goodnight". Siiiiiiiigghhh..... stupid me let myself fall for her wwaaaayyy too soon..... Thanks people.... Now that I've got my closure, all I need is a few days.
NoMoreJerks Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 I have a feeling that for you, this was a case of damned if you do, damned if you don't -- she would've done the same thing if you had been disrespectful towards her parents. She's just using this as an excuse IMO. It's a good thing you did the right thing, and you shouldn't change that for anyone.
LostOne1 Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 I have a feeling that for you, this was a case of damned if you do, damned if you don't -- she would've done the same thing if you had been disrespectful towards her parents. She's just using this as an excuse IMO. It's a good thing you did the right thing, and you shouldn't change that for anyone. I think I agree... she just needed some excuse to bail out. I felt my ex did the same.. just used random hurtful excuses to bail out of the relationship.
Author JayL Posted October 9, 2012 Author Posted October 9, 2012 Her loss, not mine. Finding someone like her is easy... they're everywhere, except she's got a good career and very independent. Things why I got hooked to her. On the other hand, finding a man who's genuine and is willing to commit to one female with no history of cheating is very, very hard to find. I know that for a fact as a male with a lot of male friends and acquaintances. So good luck to her finding another man like me, if not better. As for me, I'm off to keep my eyes open for a potential lady who's worth what I can offer.
LostOne1 Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 Her loss, not mine. Finding someone like her is easy... they're everywhere, except she's got a good career and very independent. Things why I got hooked to her. On the other hand, finding a man who's genuine and is willing to commit to one female with no history of cheating is very, very hard to find. I know that for a fact as a male with a lot of male friends and acquaintances. So good luck to her finding another man like me, if not better. As for me, I'm off to keep my eyes open for a potential lady who's worth what I can offer. i know what you mean.. I think that's what attracted my ex to me and me to her. We weren't the type to sleep around we were really loyal to each other. Now with her gone it's tough to look for someone, who WILL be loyal. Most girls I've been with have never been loyal to me. This was the 1st and I blew it to some extent.
Author JayL Posted October 9, 2012 Author Posted October 9, 2012 i know what you mean.. I think that's what attracted my ex to me and me to her. We weren't the type to sleep around we were really loyal to each other. Now with her gone it's tough to look for someone, who WILL be loyal. Most girls I've been with have never been loyal to me. This was the 1st and I blew it to some extent. You will find another, you just have to look hard. Good things aren't easy to find, after all. It's like winning the lottery. The chances to hit the jackpot is very slim... but when you hit the jackpot, you know you're set! Keep your eyes open and we will find that other person that we deserve. We learned from our mistakes in the past relationships, now we just have to recognize them and find someone who's compatible with us. To those who treated us badly, oh well.... they made us stronger and showed us what to watch out for next time.
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