AnotherRound Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 even though all I want to do is curl up in bed with some mindless tv and my dogs. Today is the 16th anniversary of my Mother being murdered. Next Monday would have been her 54th birthday. It's going to be a tough week, and one I wish that I had a much less emotionally demanding career. I usually take this week off for this very reason. But this year, I thought I would try it. I felt like it's been "long enough" of grieving - but my body is telling me I should have known better bc it's not feeling well at all. I have been sick, but know that the stress of this time of year makes my AI worse - and my immunity is non-existent. I probably need sleep more than I need anything else. BUT, if I can get through this week, and these sessions with clients, I will feel better. I know I will. And within the next two weeks, this time will be behind me, and I can buckle up for another year before I feel the effects again. One year, it's going to not affect me like this - I hope. I'm exhausted - emotionally and physically. As does happen during grief. I recently did a trauma assessment, and am pretty sure I picked a REALLY bad time to go there. I have a feeling that all I will get done this week is my sessions - laundry, etc, will fall by the way side bc I don't have the energy. It always amazes me how much our emotional state can affect our physical state. My body is tired. I miss my Mom terribly, and there isn't a day that I don't remember her. Usually fondly, and usually with a smile and a laugh. But today, all I see is her dead - beaten - an image that I can never get out of my head for as long as I live. An image I would give anything to not have ever had in my head. Keeping busy doesn't work - nothing works - it's too big, too hard, too sad. To anyone who has had trauma and grief in their lives like this, I wish you healing and peace. I know it's not easy, I understand it, and I hurt for you and along with you. Wish me luck for the next week or so - and if you don't mind and have the time, send me some good energy. I could really use it.
Els Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 I am so sorry to hear this, OP. Please accept my hugs and condolences, and stay strong! Sending loads of good energy your way, as much as I can possibly spare...
eleanorrigby Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 Sending you some peaceful energy. My dad was beaten in a home invasion robbery in '94. He survived, but with some brain damage. I try never to think about that day because the part about this that pains me the most is imagining how frightened he must have been. So I can imagine a little bit how you must be feeling.
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