RudeLou Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 Hi all, I've been lurking for the past day or so. I was just dumped/told I need space Friday. Well we had a great relationship just a few bumps in the road that we always worked out. My ex does work with my family at our family business. She has been going through some problems at home. Her parents were foreclosed on and they had to downsize to a smaller place where things are how you say somewhat cramped. I was there with her through the whole thing of them being served the notice to helping them try to find an attorney to helping move and settle in. Well now it seems like she says she needs space to work on herself. I understood that, but at the time I was very emotional and let out my feelings about her. I now know that doing so can drive them away. She was a little upset at that. I didn't speak to her all weekend. I know her situation is rough on her. Her parents kept her in the dark on the whole losing the house thing. They are just in their 60's and make it seem like they're ancient and don't really want to work. This has put a lot of strain on her mentally and I was always there for her no matter what! I probably was there a little too much? (My ex brought up a few times that she would want to move out with me. I said I would love too, but I couldn't just do it now. I would have to save up a decent amount of money for that which would take time. It seems like she didn't like that.) I constantly checked my phone to see if she contacted me. When I had the urge to call or text her I text a friend and I spent a lot of time with my parents letting them know what's going on. Now it's Monday and we're at work and I can see her every time I look away from my screen. I probably made the mistake in asking her how she was and trying to make small talk. It was hard for me. We were going on 4 years as a couple. Up until recently we were talking about buying a house together, getting married, having kids, buying a dog, and all of that stuff you talk about when you're in love. In my head I know I need to give her space, and when she wants to talk we will. It's just so hard having to see her all day. I'm not as emotional as I was this weekend, I'm not sure if my eyes just don't have anymore tears or what? I love and care for this girl like no other. I've had my fair share of girlfriends, but they were more infatuation than love. It's always felt different with her. When we kissed I felt it to the core and she felt the same. I know most people say not to ever be friends with an ex and I know I wouldn't be able to right away, but she is someone I would always want in my life regardless. Sorry that was long. I just needed to vent.
Mint Sauce Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 Hi Lou, you found a good place to vent. I'm sure you'll get many more replies, including lots of advice on how to deal with her wanting space. I have one very practical suggestion: if this is really the one for you, don't ignore her request for a place for the two of you (I did ignore her hints in this direction, and it probably contributed massively to the failure of my relationship). I think you better try to move mountains to get a nice place for the two of you asap. But don't push that onto her now, just let her know in a brief and unpushy way that when she's had time to think and decided that she wants to continue with you, you'd be ok finding a place in the near future. Just my 2 cent.
Author RudeLou Posted October 8, 2012 Author Posted October 8, 2012 Thanks for the reply Mint, Yes I could really use some venting right now. I am currently working with a lender to buy a home soon. I wanted to this as a surprise to her, but didn't get a chance too. I wouldn't do that to her right away I want to give her space. It's very hard right now because I can see her right now! lol
Mint Sauce Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 Can't she take some leave for a week or so? If she really needs space, working in a family business is not the way to go...
Author RudeLou Posted October 8, 2012 Author Posted October 8, 2012 I understand that, but she does need to continue working in order to help her parents with the whole house situation. She said she would look for a job and transition out to make thing smoother.
Author RudeLou Posted October 8, 2012 Author Posted October 8, 2012 Bump! If anyone has some info to help cope with this. I'd greatly appreciate it!
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