Angry - Part 2

October 9, 2012

So, final word is, I am NOT going to engage at all. If she shows up, I will handle it appropriately by contacting the police - and if she appears to be unstable, I will have her 96 houred for her own good. I know a LOT about her, but will not use it against her - no matter how badly I want to at some moments. I just wish that she would meet her match so that she would stop her crazy behaviors - and I think I could be that "match", but I won't do it. I am just honestly amazed that she is a mother and a grandmother and acts like this - I can't even imagine my own grandmother, or anyone that I know that age, acting like this. It just comes off as really pathetic and needy and insecure - and so attention seeking. Histrionic. Ugh.

are you serious? you can't be? This such an abuse of authority it isn't even funny. You'd use your ability to have her committed against her will because you are ticked at her and your ex married man?

If I were her, and you did that to me, you would be in for the fight of your life. First, I'd report your actions to whichever body regulates your profession where you live. I'd make sure that all knew that the ex girlfriend of the married guy I had been seeing had me committed because i sent her two emails ( if she even did send them) that she didn't like and also because she was ticked that married man didn't sympathize with her enough.. Then I'd make sue that all the local media because aware of what you had done. Then ( and I am not a litigious person in the least) I would sue you until it hurt.

Yes, she ticked you off....we get that. It's not nice, and having been in a position of having to deal with someone who was mentally unstable, i had been sympathetic, until I read that part of your post. It could be seen as being extremely unprofessional to do something like that because she sad some things you didn't like.

October 9, 2012

are you serious? you can't be? This such an abuse of authority it isn't even funny. You'd use your ability to have her committed against her will because you are ticked at her and your ex married man?

If I were her, and you did that to me, you would be in for the fight of your life. First, I'd report your actions to whichever body regulates your profession where you live. I'd make sure that all knew that the ex girlfriend of the married guy I had been seeing had me committed because i sent her two emails ( if she even did send them) that she didn't like and also because she was ticked that married man didn't sympathize with her enough.. Then I'd make sue that all the local media because aware of what you had done. Then ( and I am not a litigious person in the least) I would sue you until it hurt.

Yes, she ticked you off....we get that. It's not nice, and having been in a position of having to deal with someone who was mentally unstable, i had been sympathetic, until I read that part of your post. It could be seen as being extremely unprofessional to do something like that because she sad some things you didn't like.

Wow, you completely missed the point here... I said IF she shows up AND she appears to be unstable (as in suicidal or homicidal), I would have her 96 houred. That is not an abuse of power - it is a mandated obligation that I took an oath about. I would do this for my best friend if she was suicidal or homicidal - it has nothing to do with the relationship I have or don't have with a person. It is my ethical duty, for their own safety.

I can't have her 96 houred if she isn't presenting as suicidal or homicidal - if she is, the police don't even need me - but my assessment would be taken into consideration bc I am trained in lethality assessing.

You read a LOT into that that just wasn't there. ????

October 9, 2012

And ps - she has every right to report me to my licensing board - anyone does. I carry liability insurance for that very reason, as some people are quick to blame professionals for things, or want to hurt us by trying to "sue us until it hurts". So, I'm covered, and not worried. I've never done anything remotely unethical in my professional life, and I would provide her the number of the board if she wanted it. I have no fear about my professional decisions, and have ample coverage for liability to handle any lawsuit attempted.

If someone is expressing SI/HI, it is my duty to 96 hour them for their own safety. Completely neutral - no feelings involved, good or bad. So yeah...

October 9, 2012

I think it's just that you are clearly in angst over this woman, and upset about it, and the fact that you have mentioned this '96 hour her' concept several times in conjunction with that. When all this woman has done is send a couple of emails that you could ignore, but yet you still seem to be obsessing over... the mention of your ability to '96 hour' her comes off quite strongly as throwing your authority around, if not an abuse of authority... when she hasn't done anything even remotely close to that level of intervention.

Sorry, but it is just the impression I'm getting from your posts too... just trying to be honest.

October 9, 2012

I'd suggest that you call the police and let them handle it in it's entirety if she shows up and appears to display the behaviors you anticipate.

"Having her 96'ed"...even if you WERE to do it for entirely professional reasons...could certainly give the appearance of unprofessional conduct, given the emotional situation that the three of you are in.

All three of you would be better served by having a neutral, seperate party make that kind of determination, simply because of the nature of the relationships and emotions involved.

October 9, 2012

And ps - she has every right to report me to my licensing board - anyone does. I carry liability insurance for that very reason, as some people are quick to blame professionals for things, or want to hurt us by trying to "sue us until it hurts". So, I'm covered, and not worried. I've never done anything remotely unethical in my professional life, and I would provide her the number of the board if she wanted it. I have no fear about my professional decisions, and have ample coverage for liability to handle any lawsuit attempted.

If someone is expressing SI/HI, it is my duty to 96 hour them for their own safety. Completely neutral - no feelings involved, good or bad. So yeah...

interesting...you mentioned in a post in this thread that you wanted to provoke her to have her committed ( or were you just venting?)...whatever the case is, it still sounds very unprofessional

October 9, 2012

It was enough for me that stbxw was aware, and compliant, and we had a sort of unspoken agreement between she and I that we would not intrude into each others worlds -

.

It continues to be strange to me that (as an outsider) you thought you were on equal footing with his wife.

October 9, 2012

Wow, you completely missed the point here... I said IF she shows up AND she appears to be unstable (as in suicidal or homicidal), I would have her 96 houred. That is not an abuse of power - it is a mandated obligation that I took an oath about. I would do this for my best friend if she was suicidal or homicidal - it has nothing to do with the relationship I have or don't have with a person. It is my ethical duty, for their own safety.

I can't have her 96 houred if she isn't presenting as suicidal or homicidal - if she is, the police don't even need me - but my assessment would be taken into consideration bc I am trained in lethality assessing.

You read a LOT into that that just wasn't there. ????

I might buy this except that there has been no mention of suicidal or homicidal tendencies and yet you have mentioned 96-houring her more than once. And you've made it clear that you can be pretty vindictive. It's not a stretch for people here to indicate that you're getting close to crossing a big line over a couple of emails.

October 9, 2012

AR - I am glad you have calmed down and have come up with a game plan. At this point I would stop hypothesizing what ifs since this thread is obviously going in one direction and I see the torches being lit.

You have a game plan in place, you seem to recognize that silence is golden.

She isn't worth your time and energy. I pity her that she has to try these lengths to keep connected to your xMM and that she is focusing so outward instead of inward. I hope she gets help and finds happiness.

I hope that you have a very good day.

October 9, 2012

I'd suggest that you call the police and let them handle it in it's entirety if she shows up and appears to display the behaviors you anticipate.

"Having her 96'ed"...even if you WERE to do it for entirely professional reasons...could certainly give the appearance of unprofessional conduct, given the emotional situation that the three of you are in.

All three of you would be better served by having a neutral, seperate party make that kind of determination, simply because of the nature of the relationships and emotions involved.

AR, you're directly involved, so therefore affected personally so let someone else 96 her. You have to remove yourself. All this exOW has to say is, well she's involved with the same MM too etc.. let someone else make the decision.

And yes, I'm disappointed in him - not bc he didn't rush to my side - I don't need that, I can handle myself. I am disappointed that he again, chose someone so freaking wacky. I have no idea why he thinks these "type" of women are going to be anything but spoiled and histrionic - it oozes out of their every pore, and most anyone can spot it a mile away. But for some reason, he picked another one in this woman. I am frustrated bc he hasn't seemed to learn HIS lesson yet about this. And I know I got jumped on before when I said this, but yes, the people he has picked does weigh in to my decision on whether or not I would date him again. Bc now I have even more information re him being attracted to very shallow women. I am frustrated that he hasn't learned this lesson - and always confused about how he and I ever got together bc I am night and day different from these women - in every way. And, it frustrates me if that is what he keeps "picking", bc if that is what he wants, then I am NOT that girl and have no idea why he is interested in me at all. I don't want to date someone, or even be friends with someone, that is attracted to people like this woman - it says something to me about HIM - and that disappoints me.

Does this make you question yourself? Meaning, maybe you need to totally end things with him and never EVER look back. He is going to do whatever he wants and choose whatever woman turns him on, whether you agree, like it or not. He doesn't have to run it by you.

October 9, 2012

my assessment would be taken into consideration bc I am trained in lethality assessing.

You cannot see that this is a HUGE compromise of the situation? IF that ever happened? That's like a Judge or a Jury member knowing the suspect during the trial. Any judge or lawyer or jury member would be dismissed asap and replaced. It's not honest or objective.

AR, your paths indirectly have crossed with hers because of exMM. No way is this professional of you to take charge and put her away to be assessed.

October 9, 2012

You cannot see that this is a HUGE compromise of the situation? IF that ever happened? That's like a Judge or a Jury member knowing the suspect during the trial. Any judge or lawyer or jury member would be dismissed asap and replaced. It's not honest or objective.

AR, your paths indirectly have crossed with hers because of exMM. No way is this professional of you to take charge and put her away to be assessed.

It's called a conflict of interest and it could most certainly be considered an ethical violation.

October 9, 2012

It bothers you that he CHOSE her.

He chose her because she obviously spends time and energy focused on what he is or isn't doing - even now. That's the part he LOVES = it feeds his ego!

It's still feeding his ego because SHE'S STILL paying SO much attention to him.

And now it's caused YOU to contact him - even more to his ego stroke!

Edited October 9, 2012 by 2sunny

October 10, 2012

Another Round, please try to step back and distance yourself from all this, I understand that you are hurt, questioning the MM's decisions and imagine a big part of you and maybe because of your professional role, wants to 'fix' it all and maybe expected him to act differently (7 years is a long time), but he hasn't and I am sorry you are hurt, truly. Maybe the OOW has also been fed a heap of lies too and as their A was still early days, was in the blind trust and believed everything he said to her stage, and maybe this is the reason she is lashing out at you, who knows? I had many, many occasions to use my warrant and section the OW, but professional ethics would have prevented it, the law would have prevented it and while I might have wished to, a little voice just kept telling me that she was acting out of hurt and pain.

I would block her emails, she might be hurt and sees you as her 'competition' maybe if you sent a final do not send anymore they will go directly to Spam may do the trick, maybe not, if not then take steps to protect yourself. I do think that the XMM should have dealt with this, why oh why do they appear to always be standing on the sidelines while the women (or men) who loved them and believed them get forgotten in this crazy, who meant the most game?

I also maybe understand that your 'professional' head is trying and trying to make sense of it all, no one ever really knows why someone does something, or feels, for sure we can theorise, attach theories try to analyse, but we can only ever work with what we are told with maybe a bit of observation thrown into the mix. Looks like the OOW is hurt and angry and is maybe looking for someone to blame other than the MM. Isn't that what a lot of people who feel betrayed do?

If the XMM has any integrity he would be sorting this out himself, who knows what he has told her about you. Actions show what a person is really like, what do his actions show about him?

I hope she leaves you alone and that her anger is spent or directed elsewhere. The OW in H's A had a couple of years of scary lashing out and some 5 yrs later still pops up on the radar now and again, it is irritating, but while I am peed off she still surfaces, a huge part of me recognises that this is an attempt to piss me off and has more to do with her expressing her hurt than anything else. Unless it becomes dangerous to you and you really fear for yourself I would try (easy to say) to ignore.

I hope it all works out for you. Love should never hurt and we should all be able to believe those we love and believe in them too. Take care AR x

October 10, 2012

Also AR, I'm wondering how long you have been practicing.

When I think about it, I've ministered to one of my son's desperate cougars (one who I wanted to move on). It turned out well. And I don't even have my license.

October 10, 2012

I still think the bottom line is that you hand this MM too much of YOUR power!

Still now - after all this time - YOU still get affected by what HE is or isn't DOING.

It's time for you to REALLY take care of YOU and let him leave YOUR mind.

Whatever happens - don't think of him - don't communicate to him.

This should be a time where you focus on YOU! He is chaos - which isn't healthy for YOU to gain the clarity you need...

That clarity won't come IF you stay involved in his chaos - and that includes his OOW.

Time to reflect while in a peaceful place is useful - cant get that while allowing those distractions around you.

Edited October 10, 2012 by 2sunny

October 10, 2012

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Angry - Part 2

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