gunnagetcha Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 I have a crush. I'll be 27 in January so it feels weird to say I have a "crush." But I do. I can no longer deny it. When I was 16 I had a friend, an older woman friend, who taught me about horses and life and was pretty much my coach for riding. She had two boys, just little kids, 8 and 10. I loved her boys and I look back on those days fondly. I moved away to WA and grew up. Well, I moved back to CA last month and....well...that little 8 year old boy is now a tall, handsome, polite and kind 18 year old man. Well...boy-man. He's a mature 18 year old with a job and a car and a life. I'm not an idiot and I know when a guy is attracted to me. He has been putting the moves on since I moved home. I keep telling myself he's too young, I'm too old, what would his mom think, this feels weird, I knew him when he was just a tiny kid! But the feelings aren't going away. We both love horses, we both love God, we are attracted to each other, and he is a one woman kind of guy. He says "to heck with our age," and doesn't really care, but social norms are really hindering me! I've always liked OLDER guys. Guys that are secure in who they are, are settled in their career, and ready to settle down. I don't know WHY I feel this way. Trust me, if you knew me, you'd be flabbergasted. I have always been extremely opposed to dating men even a year or two younger than me. Before you reply, keep these things in mind: We are both Christians and waiting for sex. This is not based on sex whatsoever. I have told him my concerns. I told him he should be dating women his own age, experiencing life, and having fun right now. He doesn't drink alcohol so turning 21 and "hitting the clubs" is not his forte. I told him that we are in different life stages and may want different things. I am looking for something long term and he is only 18 so he may not be. He keeps telling me that everybody he talks to says "age is just a number" and it's fine and that he knows a woman who is married happily to a man 12 years younger than she is. Also, please don't rip on me saying I'm "immature" for thinking this way. Obviously this is not my norm which is WHY I'm seeking advice. Thank you so much!!
MrCastle Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 Age is a number in certain situations. 27 and 18 is a little weird--if you move it to 20 and 29, it's not so weird. 22 and 31, again, the gap is not as serious. It's usually not the amount of years that's the problem but where the gap lies. A 4 year gap is nothing, but it is if one party is 17 and the other is 21. You get what I mean? I think the present gap of 18 and 27 is a little too much, but it's your life. Ultimately you make the decision.
xdahliax Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 Most people wouldn't do it, but it's not like you were planning on liking someone that young. I like a guy who is 13 years older than me (didn't think that would happen either) and I hope that he doesn't care about the age difference. It's not really anybody's position to judge, and you two seem to have a lot in common so I'd say go for it.
Ami1uwant Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 The 9 yr age difference is big. Especially when it comes to older women/younger men.
melodymatters Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 I'm in my 40's and happily married to a man in his 20's. We had no idea of each others ages when we met at work, and in fact the other day someone thought HE was older than ME ! It IS just a number if you two are on the same page; same age relationships break up all the time over much stupider stuff than the numbers on your birth certificates. I've been on LS forever but have never posted about other web sites, so forgive me if I am breaking a rule but I suggest you check out ageless love dot com, where you will find woman much older than yourself who first fell for their husbands/BF's when they were only 18 ! Good luck !
FitChick Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 The younger you are the larger age gap seems. As you get older it becomes less important because people physically age at different rates based on lifestyle. I keep revising my deal breaker age downward based on men expressing interest.
FitChick Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 I suggest you check out ageless love dot com, where you will find woman much older than yourself who first fell for their husbands/BF's when they were only 18 ! Good luck ! I think I'm going to join that forum. It would be good to steer a doubtful younger man to if it came to that. He can see it's not unusual at all. 1
phasmif Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 If you're in it for the long term age means nothing. Thats a small gap as far as I see.
melodymatters Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 I think I'm going to join that forum. It would be good to steer a doubtful younger man to if it came to that. He can see it's not unusual at all. Oh, I haven't found you need to " steer them". The norm is that it's the GUYS saying "who cares?" and it's the women freaking out, lol ! PM me !
KraftDinner Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 I'm 39 and my bf is 28. Best relationship I've ever had in my life. He's pretty mature, owns property and put himself thru school etc. We've only been together 7 months but the compatibility is amazing. I mean, I haven't changed much since my late 20s so he and I are really on the same page. So yeah, age gaps can work. But...18 is REALLY young, so this is very different. I wouldn't go into it looking for anything serious if I were you. 18 is just so young. He'll change a lot in the next 5-10 years.
xdahliax Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 Age is just a number but it's generally a fairly accurate indicator of how mature you can expect someone to be. There are 29 year old women I'd have an easier time conning into bed than certain 14 year old girls, but generally the 29 year old would be the more mature one. I don't even want to ask. 1
Arabella Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 Been there, done that. Two years ago I was 26, met a guy who was 20, somehow we started hanging out and ended up together. After a year, he proposed and I had the poor judgement of saying yes. Less than six months after that, I ended the relationship. Why, you ask? I couldn't stand how immature he was. I had to teach him how to do everything, from finding a job to having sex, loading a dishwasher, personal finances... and a long etc. Little by little, I started to feel more like his mother than his future wife and I lost respect for him as a man. I did not think he was capable of being a husband and future father of my children; someone I could count on to be able to uphold his end of it. Without realizing, I just fell out of love. I still care about him deeply, but the immaturity ended up being too much to handle for me. -A
yessy21 Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 AGE IS JUST A NUMBER. UNLESS HE IS 12 AND YOUR 18. actually as long as he is not Under 18 then 'i say try it out!' you never know. who cares what other people think. if you both can handle it then do it.
Author gunnagetcha Posted October 9, 2012 Author Posted October 9, 2012 Thank you everyone for your replies!! I feel much better now that I know there are successful age gap relationships out there. I guess for now I'll just tell him we can "hang out" and see how much more we have in common, without making anything too serious too fast. I want to let him set the pace but if I do that I might be married in 6 months, he is just that kinda guy, haha.
yongyong Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 It depends on what you are looking for. do you mind just dating someone and see how it goes like you used to do it in early 20s? Or are you looking for someone for a marriage? What if your relationship ends after you are 30? I know some women are going to get mad if I say this but your market value would be way different after 30.
FitChick Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 How about this age gap? Her ex-husband was something like ten years younger. Actually they were never married but together twenty plus years I believe. If Larry King can marry and date much younger women, why not Susan Sarandon? At least she's attractive.
Author gunnagetcha Posted October 10, 2012 Author Posted October 10, 2012 We have talked about all this. I'm not worried about my marketability. In fact, we were just together at a function that had an open bar, I got carded and he didn't!!!! Haha! I told him my fears about him losing interest because of the age and me being single and thirty, and he basically said if something were to go wrong it for sure wouldn't be because of the age difference. I just made breakfast for him this morning and he took me geo cashing near my apartment. It was very fun. We talked about the age gap and he has no issues. Pretty much my only issue now is the fact that since he's 18 he has no job experience or schooling. How will he provide? I talked to him about school and all those things. All this advice is great!! 1
yongyong Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 Facepalm. anyways, good luck. I know whatever I tell you, you will try to defend him by saying 'no he is not like that. he is mature, honest, loyal blah blah' (every women from failed marriage thought this way one point lol) We have talked about all this. I'm not worried about my marketability. In fact, we were just together at a function that had an open bar, I got carded and he didn't!!!! Haha! I told him my fears about him losing interest because of the age and me being single and thirty, and he basically said if something were to go wrong it for sure wouldn't be because of the age difference. I just made breakfast for him this morning and he took me geo cashing near my apartment. It was very fun. We talked about the age gap and he has no issues. Pretty much my only issue now is the fact that since he's 18 he has no job experience or schooling. How will he provide? I talked to him about school and all those things. All this advice is great!!
Alma Mobley Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 I am married to a man ten years younger. We've been together for more than six years, married for four. He tells me all the time he is so happy he found me. So, yes, there are successful age-gap relationships, but I'd be careful with one that young; but people generally change A LOT between 18 and 25. (But I did meet my husband when he was almost 24.) Why are you asking how he will provide at 18? Are you in a rush to get married, in general?
todreaminblue Posted October 10, 2012 Posted October 10, 2012 I have a crush. I'll be 27 in January so it feels weird to say I have a "crush." But I do. I can no longer deny it. When I was 16 I had a friend, an older woman friend, who taught me about horses and life and was pretty much my coach for riding. She had two boys, just little kids, 8 and 10. I loved her boys and I look back on those days fondly. I moved away to WA and grew up. Well, I moved back to CA last month and....well...that little 8 year old boy is now a tall, handsome, polite and kind 18 year old man. Well...boy-man. He's a mature 18 year old with a job and a car and a life. I'm not an idiot and I know when a guy is attracted to me. He has been putting the moves on since I moved home. I keep telling myself he's too young, I'm too old, what would his mom think, this feels weird, I knew him when he was just a tiny kid! But the feelings aren't going away. We both love horses, we both love God, we are attracted to each other, and he is a one woman kind of guy. He says "to heck with our age," and doesn't really care, but social norms are really hindering me! I've always liked OLDER guys. Guys that are secure in who they are, are settled in their career, and ready to settle down. I don't know WHY I feel this way. Trust me, if you knew me, you'd be flabbergasted. I have always been extremely opposed to dating men even a year or two younger than me. Before you reply, keep these things in mind: We are both Christians and waiting for sex. This is not based on sex whatsoever. I have told him my concerns. I told him he should be dating women his own age, experiencing life, and having fun right now. He doesn't drink alcohol so turning 21 and "hitting the clubs" is not his forte. I told him that we are in different life stages and may want different things. I am looking for something long term and he is only 18 so he may not be. He keeps telling me that everybody he talks to says "age is just a number" and it's fine and that he knows a woman who is married happily to a man 12 years younger than she is. Also, please don't rip on me saying I'm "immature" for thinking this way. Obviously this is not my norm which is WHY I'm seeking advice. Thank you so much!! You cant help who you are attracted too ....i haven't gone out with younger always older......when i was 18 i dated a 40 year old...I do think age is a number though and I was quite capable fo holding a conversation with the 40 year old who was older than me by more than half my age....it is an intelligence thing and depth of character a young guy who just wanted to drink and have sex would not interest me in the slightest....it sounds like you have similar beliefs..... my family doesn't believe in the age factor or so they tell me......i am attracted to someone younger for the first time i am attracted to him physically another first but his depth of character and intelligence is hard to ignore.......entrancing......i haven't had that sort of situation before i understand your confusion....what counts is how he feels and how you feel at the end of the day...he is of age..you have similar life style aspirations same beliefs and you care abotu each other....good start there...family will have an input though if you have your family and friends to remind you that he is great for you..if you must listen to anyone listen to them..which honestly, your happiness and his happiness should be paramount before listening to anyone and heeding advice given..listen to those who care about you...listen to them, not the ones that give you disheartening advice or thoughts better known as nay sayers.... that includes family and friends though negativity should be taken with a grain of salt...follow your heart and his..good luck and best wishes....deb
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