Charlotted29 Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 But I have had such a terrible week that it has put me back. I started a new job 2 months ago, (after 6 months of having to leave my old job due to massive anxiety over this break-up) only to be told this week I wasn't being kept on at this new job...the day before I had decided to stop smoking too for Stoptober and I really felt like things were finally turning around. So alas I am now unemployed again and moping feeling very sorry for myself. HE 'the ex' his sister had a baby only a few days ago. Bearing in mind I have known him and his family for 9 years, I thought I would get a text but nothing...I was excited for them and I wanted to know about the baby so I text him. I did get a reply but it was very civilised saying baby was well etc, that's it. I feel like I am back in my depressed funk again. I have no desire to do much at all, and just feel I don't have the strength to turn my life around yet again this year. I miss him with every ache in my body, and yet I hate him for what he has put me though. He has moved on with a new girl, and they are all now playing happy families. A place where I wanted to be. Before he decided he wanted to move on with someone else I was in a good place. I had a good job, a great car, friends, and him. I was ready to just settle down and move out of home. I was a confident, happy and fun person. Now I feel like I am nothing and have lost everything. All I want is my old life back and it hurts, I still can't get my head around him lying to me about meeting someone else and the fact i'm not the girl he wants. I don't know if im looking for answers on here or wanting to vent but this year couldn't possibly get any worse! And getting over him seems like it just will never go away.
River Rain Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 Do you think maybe you wanted to hear from him and not just get news of the baby? You could have called his sister, or asked a friend of a friend or something right? What I'm getting at is that you contacted him, for whatever reason, you didn't like the response, now you're back to square one, you re-opened the wound, so no wonder you feel like you can't cope. No more contact! And congrats on quitting smoking, keep it up, your health comes first. You'll find another job for sure...don't give up, you were doing so well. Just remember, no more contact, you need to heal. 1
Author Charlotted29 Posted October 9, 2012 Author Posted October 9, 2012 Hey River, thank you for your reply. I think you're right... I mean in the past I had contacted his mum for baby news, or even asked one of his friends but I decided this time...late at night, that I would contact him-bad move! It was simple answers to my questions...no how are you's or sorry I put you through so much or anything. I did regret doing it afterwards and perhaps I did want to hear from him. I was bummed that whole day but I think I have realised now that I really must move on, he doesn't want me, or miss me despite all the history. No more contact for me. Funny thing is, if I saw him in the street I would cross the road or ignore him completely. 7 months gone now and I obviously still need a bit more healing! :s
River Rain Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 Just be kind to yourself. It's hard to accept that someone who claimed to have loved you forever, all of a sudden wants nothing to do with you, been there. I would do the same if I saw my ex, just walk the other way and completely ignore him. Texting makes it too easy to break no contact, but it's also a heartbreaker when there is no response or a flat one. You'll find someone new, just don't give up healing and moving on. Take care of you. I'm really big on positive affirmation because they do make a lot of sense. I read this yesterday. It helped me to get out of bed and get myself outside for a walk (I tend to hide in bed when my mood is low): "When you don’t feel like making the effort, that’s when making the effort will make the biggest difference for you. Instead of giving in to negative momentum, interrupt it. The best way to feel like doing something, is to do it. The way to feel better is to do better. The way to do better is with positive, effective action." And after my walk, I felt 100% better and still do.
Author Charlotted29 Posted October 9, 2012 Author Posted October 9, 2012 River, yes it is tough, especially when only a year ago he said I was his soulmate and like family. Coming from a guy who never usually expresses any feelings or emotions easily. However something I read earlier struck me... that it is actions, not words that are important, and his actions left alot to be desired. I love those quotes you wrote and will be making a note of them! Like you I have the tendancy to wallow in bed when i'm low, but of course dragging yourself out is hard but it is the best thing for you. I will be making a consious effect to 'do more' tomorrow whilist waiting to hear back from jobs! ha. It's difficult to believe right now at 27 that I will meet someone new, or someone I will have just as strong feelings for, but it has happened to other people so hopefully it will happen to me too. 1
River Rain Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 I'm 44 and got officially dumped just over a week ago. I've already met a potential love interest and we've been messaging back and forth for the last few days. 27 is certainly not too old to find love again! I've developed the attitude that love is the most important thing in my life, but also that I won't dwell on lost love, I can't or it'll send me into depression. Sure I grieved, I was devastated, but no contact and actively moving on and distracting myself is really working. Plus the new guy said I was beautiful...swoon...what girl doesn't like to hear that? Funny, my ex also said I was his soulmate and best friend. He also claimed that he never felt the way he did for me, for any other woman and never opened up like he did with me. Words....no actions to back it up. You're right, actions speak so much louder. You will be just fine! Your post sounded a lot more positive than the first one!
chinapaige Posted October 11, 2012 Posted October 11, 2012 Hello, I definitely can relate to what you are going through. Although my ex and I broke up two years ago I still spend a lot of time generally depressed about not having him, and almost more so, his wonderful family in my life anymore. His sister is also having a baby this month, and I didn't find out until it was posted on Facebook, which was really hurtful because I have known them all for so long (I was a bridesmaid in his sister's wedding and I knew her and her husband from their first date!). It's really hard to accept that in an instant you can be erased from a family just like you never existed. I've been dating someone for the past year and I am generally happy, but even with no contact I haven't been able to really stop thinking about my ex for more than a day or two at a time. He also started dating someone and actually moved in with her about 5 months after we broke up, which still hurts and makes me generally furious and sad whenever I think about the two of them doing all the fun things that we used to do together. Sorry, I know that this probably isn't helping much, I just wanted to let you know that you're definitely not alone in your situation - many, if not all of us has been there at one point or another. I felt like you did for a long time, like my whole life was destroyed, and I still don't feel quite complete...I would really just like to be able to move on.
Recommended Posts