jayy23 Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 So quick background.... was with my ex gf for nearly five years was great and got on really really well she got a work a placement at oxford uni for 10months so had to move to England (were from Scotland) I supported her fully 7months in to the placement she decided that she didn't want to be with me anymore that she didn't feel the same and couldn't see a future with me. In the time she was gone I was only getting to see her two days a month but I stuck by her. It's now been nearly 7months since she broke up with me and I'm doing a lot better it's been 94days of NC that I decided to do she hasent tried to contact me in this time. The last time we spoke she said that she would come and see me but that's not happend. I would like to speak to her but would rather she contacted me first. So my question is..... would it be a good idea for me to maybe contact her have I left it to late and would it be worth it? I'm not goina try and beg for her back or anything like that but it would be good to here from her and maybe press the restart button.
TopCat22 Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 Given that she ended it and has given you no indication she wants to try again and hasn't even contacted you I would say best not to. I don't know for sure, but I don't think you will get the reaction you want. If she wants you back then she knows where you are and how to contact you. I wouldn't reopen this can. 1
Author jayy23 Posted October 8, 2012 Author Posted October 8, 2012 Given that she ended it and has given you no indication she wants to try again and hasn't even contacted you I would say best not to. I don't know for sure, but I don't think you will get the reaction you want. If she wants you back then she knows where you are and how to contact you. I wouldn't reopen this can. Thanks for your input.
NavyAirTraffic Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 Given that she ended it and has given you no indication she wants to try again and hasn't even contacted you I would say best not to. I don't know for sure, but I don't think you will get the reaction you want. If she wants you back then she knows where you are and how to contact you. I wouldn't reopen this can. I second this. Why talk to her, you don't want her back, you're doing good? Do you just want to see how she's doing? What is she is hostile towards you/engaged/married/pregnant, how will you handle that? Ask yourself those questions, and be honest with yourself, imagine the worst. If it really wouldn't bother you and you don't care, why call anyway? Again I'm with TopCat on this one.
KatZee Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 Don't do it. The feeling has to be mutual for there to be a "reset" button. She ended it and walked away without even looking back. She has no interest in being with you. And if by some chance she does want to come back one day, she knows where you are and how to get in touch with you. You want to be with someone who genuinely wants you and who will pursue you. If you're doing so well then stay on that road.
Author jayy23 Posted October 8, 2012 Author Posted October 8, 2012 I second this. Why talk to her, you don't want her back, you're doing good? Do you just want to see how she's doing? What is she is hostile towards you/engaged/married/pregnant, how will you handle that? Ask yourself those questions, and be honest with yourself, imagine the worst. If it really wouldn't bother you and you don't care, why call anyway? Again I'm with TopCat on this one. That kinda made me laugh she defo won't be engaged pregnant or married. I would like to still speak to her and be mature about it thrs not much point in me holding any grudges against her I can't make her love me but I would still like to be in her life.
Author jayy23 Posted October 8, 2012 Author Posted October 8, 2012 Don't do it. The feeling has to be mutual for there to be a "reset" button. She ended it and walked away without even looking back. She has no interest in being with you. And if by some chance she does want to come back one day, she knows where you are and how to get in touch with you. You want to be with someone who genuinely wants you and who will pursue you. If you're doing so well then stay on that road. How can you tell if the feelings are mutual if no1 makes the effort to speak to each other? What if she thinks I don't want anything to do with her anymore because I haven't contacted her?
Hawaii50 Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 Stop counting the NC days, you're putting yourself in a prison, when in reality she set you freeeeeeeeee. fly birdy fly!
TopCat22 Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 So you just want to be friends? If you feel you are ready for that then by all means give it a shot. Again, she might not want to be friends though. Just make sure you are fully prepared for the worst outcome. If you can live with that then give it a go if it will satisfy your curiousity. Make sure you are doing this for the right reasons.
Author jayy23 Posted October 8, 2012 Author Posted October 8, 2012 So you just want to be friends? If you feel you are ready for that then by all means give it a shot. Again, she might not want to be friends though. Just make sure you are fully prepared for the worst outcome. If you can live with that then give it a go if it will satisfy your curiousity. Make sure you are doing this for the right reasons. Well yeh I think just throwing everything away is a bit harsh I don't see any harm in trying to be friends if she doesn't want to then that's fine but I would rather know. She did say to me that she wanted to stay friends at some point when we both feel ready but by her not contacting me yet mean that she is not ready to try?
TopCat22 Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 Well if you really are ready then give it a go. I don't believe that exes can be great friends though. Once you've shared that bond with someone I think it's very difficult to take a step back and just be friends.
KatZee Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 So let me ask you this... and answer honestly. Are you trying to reach out as JUST a friend? Because once you step into that friend territory, you better be ready for it. Be ready to see her FB with her and other guys, having fun without you, hooking up, meeting new guys, dating other guys. Are you really ready to handle seeing her with other men while you sit on the sidelines saying, "hey buddy!" OR are you trying to weasel yourself back into her life just to find out if there's something left there for you to work with? I think this is what you're trying to do. You're trying to start in slowly and rekindle a relationship. A "friendship" is not possible with an ex if this is what you're trying to do.
Author jayy23 Posted October 8, 2012 Author Posted October 8, 2012 Well if you really are ready then give it a go. I don't believe that exes can be great friends though. Once you've shared that bond with someone I think it's very difficult to take a step back and just be friends. My pride keeps getting in the way tho when I say right cool I'll send her a msg I think but I don't want to be the one to reach out I would rather it was her. But I guess I'll just need to have a good think about it.
Author jayy23 Posted October 8, 2012 Author Posted October 8, 2012 So let me ask you this... and answer honestly. Are you trying to reach out as JUST a friend? Because once you step into that friend territory, you better be ready for it. Be ready to see her FB with her and other guys, having fun without you, hooking up, meeting new guys, dating other guys. Are you really ready to handle seeing her with other men while you sit on the sidelines saying, "hey buddy!" OR are you trying to weasel yourself back into her life just to find out if there's something left there for you to work with? I think this is what you're trying to do. You're trying to start in slowly and rekindle a relationship. A "friendship" is not possible with an ex if this is what you're trying to do. Honestly no matter how long I leave it to try and speak to her and even if we did become just friends I'm allways goina care for her on a deeper level that's obvious but I need to respect that she does not want to be with me. I feel like I have lost my best friend and want my friend back in my life. We are not friends on facebook just now but that would work both ways she would need to see all the stuff I was getting upto aswell. I would rather know that if and when she has a new bf that he's a decent guy and not a dick so I guess it would and it wouldn't bother me aslong as she is happy then that's all that really matters.
Simon Phoenix Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 This seems like a bad idea OP. She knows your number, let her come to you.
curiouslyhuman Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 There is no way to know for certain unless you try, but i would advise against it. No real good can come of this since she ended the relationship as other posters have mentioned. Only you can know if your intentions are genuine friendship or just an attempt to test a stagnant pool of water for signs of a possible romantic reconnection. If you are thinking should i or shouldnt i try and posting here asking for advice, its because you are worried about the outcome. The day you wont worry about it is the day you should contact her.
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