monkey00 Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 I don't know if anyone observes the same as me. But just about every successful relationship I can think of where the couples have been together for several years+ is where the guy is much more accommodating/nice/hard-working/willing to do anything for said woman and probably even play the provider role. And in just about all these cases I can think of, the man is either average/below average/ lower on the looks scale than their wife/gf. Has anyone observed this also? What are your thoughts on success in a relationship correlating with the guy being accommodating/whipped (but not a doormat)? Do you think such guys overcompensate because they don't think they can do better? Have any of you noticed the opposite case where the woman overcompensates for the man and works hard to please him?
Balzac Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 (edited) NO correlation in my observations. I'm qualifying observation to be in my professional and social sphere. Both groups have financial supporters of both gender and salary disparity of both workers is generally men earn more but work longer hours. "Have any of you noticed the opposite case where the woman overcompensates for the man and works hard to please him?" Yes, when the man wants a child but works longer hours and is the supporter. She stepped up massively by putting career on hold and bearing nearly all child related labor. Edited October 8, 2012 by Balzac
River Rain Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 (edited) I don't know if anyone observes the same as me. But just about every successful relationship I can think of where the couples have been together for several years+ is where the guy is much more accommodating/nice/hard-working/willing to do anything for said woman and probably even play the provider role. And in just about all these cases I can think of, the man is either average/below average/ lower on the looks scale than their wife/gf. Has anyone observed this also? What are your thoughts on success in a relationship correlating with the guy being accommodating/whipped (but not a doormat)? Do you think such guys overcompensate because they don't think they can do better? Have any of you noticed the opposite case where the woman overcompensates for the man and works hard to please him? My grandparents were together until the day they died, my grandmother was a cold woman and my grandfather a gentle soul. He was a doormat, or whipped as you say. He loved her very much, but I never saw love from her towards him. They had separate bedrooms too. My parents (as far as I know) are still together, my mother is a terrible manipulator, my father is a controlling abuser. They constantly fought over power in the relationship. One or the other was always the doormat. For me, I overcompensated the last relationship by making myself way too available for when it was convenient for my ex. I was the doormat. Obviously that didn't work. In my case, I really did think I couldn't do any better, but I was wrong. So I don't know. I don't think anyone should be the doormat. I guess it really depends on the couple because I've seen it work both ways. As far as looks go, I don't think that's the case, I think it's more about self-esteem or maybe even complacency? Edited October 8, 2012 by River Rain
ThaWholigan Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 This is a very slight misconception. Those relationships only appear to be successful until later on down the line the man is dumped or cheated on - as is normally happens in my observations. There is a level of compromise that must be offered in a relationship (there usually is, even a very small one), but not at the expense of that man's personal authority.
xdahliax Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 Case #1: The guy just really loves the girl and wants to make her happy, and the girl will often do the same for the guy. Case #2: The girl is not very nice and the guy does everything for her. My cousin is like that, but he's actually above average looking. A lot of girls are after him. His problem is that he is very insecure. He constantly has to show the world that he's the best at his profession, the best human being, the best boyfriend (I know this because he told me)...It's really sad but she'll actually bark orders at him and he'll do it.
Els Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 I find it interesting that you immediately equate a guy who likes doing nice things for his gf/wife, to one who is 'whipped'. The two are not necessarily linked. There are plenty of reasons men do nice things for their partners or are very accommodating to them - love, naturally easygoing personality, or it makes him feel manly to take the provider role. There is no 'whipped' in any of that, because the man makes the conscious choice to do so, and can make the conscious choice to stop anytime he pleases. It is incredibly degrading towards loving husbands everywhere to insinuate that they are 'whipped'. A truly 'whipped' man gives in to his wife out of fear and poor self-esteem, not out of love and choice. Because he is afraid of her and afraid of being alone. The two are entirely different kettles of fish. Yes, I do think that every successful R needs at least one very loving and accommodating person... and preferably two. 2
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