My ex is putting me on a emotional rollercoaster than I cannot take anymore....

[LuckyDuck]

I've been reading the forum for some time trying to seek out some help. Many of you have similar siutations and I feel for you, however I would like some input on mine.

 

Little background of myself, I am a 23 yr old Mechanical Engineering student that will be graduating in this comming December. This relationship will be my 2nd serious relationship. My exgirlfriend, age 21, is also senior in the same school with different degree. However I would like to point out she has no idea what she would like to do upon graduation, I however am closing on a job as we speak.

 

My story begins with a wonderful relationship that had lasted nearly 1 yr and 5 months. I loved and trusted her profoundly throughout the relationship, just as strong as my love for her was her love for me. We were inseperable. She would spend many nights at my place. I treated her like an angel, as she should have been treated. Most of her friends had ostracized her, so when ever it was a night out on the town, it was us as a couple and then my friends. I knew she became tired of not being able to hang out with her own friends and becomming bored with all the car talk. Then she gets a job at this bar/restaruant, gets this "cool" cool new friend that works with her, stays out late one night (doesnt call till next day) and I start asking quesitons. Perhaps too many questions. Because every night afterwork all she wanted to do was hang out with this new girlfriend of hers. And all I could see was an extremely bad situation and I dwell on things so that made situations worse. We tried not calling each other, but that blew up when I showed up the bar she frequents. She claimed I was checking up on her, but I only wanted to see her for 5 seconds. She insists that I ask too many questions. So she decides it's time for a break, it'll be 1 month tomorrow. And I might add the worst month of my life. She has said time and time again, she is not doing this to meet anyone, she has no desire to meet anyone, wants to be with me, but she feels like she is growing up too fast, feeling married, and needs to "find herself." I think her exact words were, "I need time to be me for a change and not me and you." She said she would remain committed to me. I've called her throughout the break and she's called me, I've asked her if she new what she was after and if she saw an end to this, always with the "I don't know response." I talk to her after a few days and it feels like I'm putting my together and when I get off the phone I feel torn apart again. She just seems so emotionless when I talk to her and she gets annoyed by me saing "I miss you" or "I love you" a bunch of times. She says it hurts her because she knows she is hurting me. So I got invited to go the beach last Wednesday with my ex and her family to the beach. She new I had been having a rough time and thought it'd help me get my mind off things for a day. When I got in my car I was greeted by my cellphone with 3 voicemail messages from my current ex saying that she'd like to see me and hang out. I gave her a call and explained where I had been and boy did she blow up, what a hypocrit! She loves hanging out with her ex bf, even during the relationship.

 

As I was driving home, I read a really sweet letter from her that I keep in my wallet. At the end of it I asked who had wrote that letter because I didnt know that person anymore. I decided then that I could not handle the current situation as it was and I told her that she would be doing me a big favor if she did not call me anymore. Friday night, after she gets off work she calls my cell phone leaving messages that say she misses me and really wants to talk to me. Saturday night she calls again after work and I decide to come out of sleep and talk to her. She says she really misses me a lot and just wanted to talk, I explain that I didnt want her to talk to me anymore, she asks if she can come see me, I say no. We hang up and I call her back, I couldnt help it. More small talk then I say I'm going back to bed and she says "I love you" I say ok, I hear her sigh, and hang up. Today while I was at work I recieved several calls for her that I ignored. Finally I decide to answer one which last no more than a minute. I was very brief with her, she said she left a check on my doorstep, asked why I had not answered earlier, asked if I wanted to talk to her, I said no, and explained that it hurt everytime I did, I could tell she was pissed, we said bye and I hung up.

 

Am I doing the right thing? I felt so awful afterwards. I must admit though, after I told her last week not to call anymore, I got the biggest show of emotion out of her. I just miss her so much. I see her friends out and they tell me what a great guy I am and cannot believe that we broke up. Actually my ex once told me that she gets pissed about hearing what a big mistake she's making, from all her friends and family. The last thing I want to do is push her away, I just want this Hell to be over. I apologize for the novel but I made it as short as possible. Thanks for ready and for any advice.

[supermom]

Tell her to sh*t or get off the pot!

 

She is liking these emotions. Yeah, she may be sad that you are hurting, but she could put an end to all this and either be with you or not.

 

Tell her you are not going to wait around forever. Let her know that you have a life, and if she wants to share it, fine, but to either be your girlfriend again and stop playing her childish games or leave you alone. Tell her that her next call to you should be either a "yes" or "no".

 

Sorry to hear about what you are going through, but she is definetly playing games with you and that is totally not fair at all!

 

Good luck and keep us posted

[LuckyDuck]

Thanks for your input. I do realize she is still a child. I know she's afraid of graduation, getting a real job, etc.. Hell she's once said to me, "everything is ending and I wish I could be 18 again." I feel the exact opposite, I cannot wait to begin my life. Perhaps that is where we collide. It's been a week since I told her to not call me anymore and she has called me on 3 separate occasions and I have answered twice. Each with me saying don't call my anymore. What pisses me off is that after nearly a 2 week break, I do this and she starts to show emotions. Some days are better than others, hopefully I'll be able to pull through the worse of they days. It's terribly painful to know that someone loves you but they cannot be with you, I cannot understand that.