chinainn Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 hi all, I am a 27 year old guy and I started seeing this girl about 1.5 months back. We met at a a party and seemed to hit it off. She is a sweet, cute and a shy girl. She is an introvert and keeps to herself. We hardly spent much time during our first meet..maybe 10 minutes. We then emailed each other and exchanged numbers. We continued it for a couple of weeks and we discovered that we had several common interests. I saw a lot of interest from her, and we started to flirt, send each other cute / sweet texts. She was Single. About 3 weeks, we decided to meet...and we had a nice time, walking along a river front, ice cream and a movie. At the end of the movie, I kissed her (I should'nt have), it was for a second and she immediately backed off. Later she told me, she had lot of things going on in her life right now and she is recovering from her past r/l and that she had been hurt in the past. I told her, "I understand, her situation and she has all the time she needs". We texted each other 4 or 5 times each day. We met again when i drove down to her place (1.5 hour drive). We had a good time...at the end she said, she wants "the dating r/l to be in a pause" and that she will not be dating anyone. We agreed that we both "like each other". I told her I like to see the r/l become serious at some point. We met one more time for lunch with a friend of mine. We had a lot of Kino action every time we met. We spent a little time walking after lunch. I can see a lot of change in our daily interactions, the frequency dropped to one or two texts every 2 days. As I said before, she prefers to communicate through texts. Finally, this last week, she told me she had been hanging out with a co-worker of hers and they decided to start a dating r/l and I heard the usual dreaded "LJBF" words. I told her that, I was confused by all this and all she could say was " sorry I hurt you". She says "we should stay away from each other for sometime" and talk about it in the future as we feel better". She is a nice, understanding girl and as I said, I really cared for her and wanted to be there for her and want to take this r/l forward. I don't know what I did wrong? I am confused.. I feel that I might have scared her off (by kissing) and to have made my intentions clear. What should I do now? Thanks
TaraMaiden Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 I hate to sound harsh - but - you just didn't float her boat and she's trying to let you down gently. She obviously had this other guy interested in her, and that's what she's chosen. Your best bet in order to move on - and not be her back-burner guy - you know, the soft place to land in case THAT one doesn't work out - is to go complete, 100% No Contact. It's in the caliguy link, in my signature. Read, re-read, re-re-read, copy, paste, print, digest, learn by heart, engrave on your soul. Three times a day with a meal and plenty of water. Good luck - keep posting. 1
Survivor12 Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 What you should do now is move on. Accept that you had a couple of nice dates and although you were thinking "relationship" from the get-go, she wasn't. She gave it a shot, but she just wasn't feeling it. It doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with you or that you did anything wrong. It sounds like she likes you but just didn't feel the same kind of attraction to you as you did toward her. Hey, sometimes it just works out that way. Some people like ketchup better than mustard--doesn't mean that someone else doesn't prefer the opposite. Of course rejection hurts but it's not the end of the world. Just stay positive!
yongyong Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 'I really cared for her and wanted to be there for her and want to take this r/l forward' you don't say such things to a girl unless you've been banging her for a while. 1
DontWorryBHappy Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 to be completely honest, I would probably do something like what she did. Basically, she liked her coworker a lot. That is the guy that she really wanted, but she didnt know if he liked her, so she dated you in the meantime (but would not get into anything serious with you, in case the other guy came around). when he did, you were out of the picture. There is NOTHING wrong with you. She had already attached her heart to someone else before you came along.
Author chinainn Posted October 8, 2012 Author Posted October 8, 2012 (edited) Thanks guys !! I was really confused and over analyzing the situation to think what went wrong. I do not know the timeline of events, as who she met first. Great advice from all of you. Thanks Tara for the post. I read it and it made all sense. I told her what she did was not right and that I am moving on. When she said she wanted to remain friends, I told her I do not mind being a friend, but it will be different and that I will not be the first to contact her anymore. I told her not to string me along. I have stopped contacting (NC) her the past two days. As bad as it sounds, I would be happy if things do get back to where it was before, but only this time if its 100% sure and committed. I do not wish to be the back-burner guy. As Caliguy's post says, I do not expect anything more and I have started to date other women to level the field. Great advice folks, please keep it coming. Thanks Edited October 8, 2012 by chinainn
Survivor12 Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 It's good that you have decided to move on, but I am curious about what you think she did that was "not right". According to your first post, on your very first date, she told you that she was not interested in a relationship with you & on your second date, she let you know that she no longer wanted to date you. The thing is, a couple of dates is not a promise or guarantee of commitment.
Author chinainn Posted October 8, 2012 Author Posted October 8, 2012 Well..on the first date...after she backed off after the kiss..she said she was not yet ready and she needed time, as she had been hurt before. I told her that she has all the time she needs and I am not hurrying her or anything and that I want to know her better first. Our interactions in the initial few weeks, were clearly showing that she is interested. After second date, she wanted to put the dating on a pause and we agreed we will not be dating anyone. She is an introvert and it was me who initiated the conversations to ask her if she was getting comfortable with me. She never replies to questions about how she feels or herself. When we met third time, she said she is getting comfortable. We always had a lot of kino and not a moment did she seem nervous/shy around me. I cared for her and asked her regularly if she was doing fine. She was always up for going out on a date..but she never told me she never really wanted to take it serious. I agree that major part of the problem was the different set of "expectations" on our minds. About 3 weeks after she said she wanted to pause, she said she is starting a dating r/l with this other guy. I felt that she could have been clear in expressing herself rather than stringing me along.
Author chinainn Posted October 9, 2012 Author Posted October 9, 2012 to be completely honest, I would probably do something like what she did. Basically, she liked her coworker a lot. That is the guy that she really wanted, but she didnt know if he liked her, so she dated you in the meantime (but would not get into anything serious with you, in case the other guy came around). when he did, you were out of the picture. There is NOTHING wrong with you. She had already attached her heart to someone else before you came along. Hi, What do you mean by "I would probably do something like what she did". Now that I think about how events unfolded, I do believe the situation what you mentioned is likely to be true. I think she tried to take it parallel, and I was the back-up guy.. But I did not understand what you meant in the first line. Are you suggesting, I do something similar like what she did n respionse or are you saying what she did was justified? Do you support that"? Thanks for clarification.
Imajerk17 Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 It sounds to me that she just wasn't that into you, chinainn. THAT was the problem right there, not that she had been hurt in the past (who hasn't), or any difference in "expectations" (whatever THAT means). What I think BHappy means is that people will hang out with someone, even while they are crushing on someone else who might or might not be interested. In this case, for all she knew Guy #1 might not have ever come around and you might have grown on her. by the way, your moving in for the kiss was a GOOD thing. In fact, if you did not, you'd be on here wondering if that was the reason she chose someone else over you.
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