My situation

[Harradin]

Hi guys. I'm 20 and I'm at university. I'm just lost and confused at the moment hence why I'm here.

 

So here's my story (I have to explain the whole lot am afraid):

 

This year and all the years before that, I used to get a small crush but then I got over it. I was never able to get attached to people and it seemed like people knew about it as I only ever had a couple of girls ever have a crush on me, I never led them on and made it clear I wasn't interested in them like the way they wanted. I always kinda assumed that the right girl would come along, but I never knew when as it irritated me as all my friends got girlfriends etc and seemed happy where I was the one who went searching and it seemed like I couldn't do anything! Until midway through this year, I was 19 at the time.

 

I drive and own a car and I joined its owner's club (it had a forum) about a year and a half ago and started turning up to all the 'meets' they had etc, I made a particular friend who I organised 'meet's with and we got on very well, call him A. A was very boasty and he was very manipulative, he liked having trophies and parading things round and it seemed he never truly cared for people, as he seemed to never be able to get a girlfriend, he had a history of trying to break up other people's relationships to get who he wanted. Or he chased the girls who were upset, he seemed to sniff them out and try it on but got no results there either. About May time, someone new (call her X) joined and the forum had a chatbox, she went onto there a lot and for some reason we instantly clicked and friends on the owner's club quickly started teasing us as we acted like a old couple.

 

I never really took it seriously and carried on living life, in June I found out X lived 20 minutes from me. So we exchanged numbers and we texted each other pretty much all of the time, X started giving me news (she passed her driving test) and her problems before anyone else and we got on like a house on fire, our personalities seemed to just click. Because X lived 20 minutes drive from me she brought up that she wanted to meet so I agreed and we arranged a time on a Friday.

 

Since I was 19 and turning 20 a couple of weeks and she was 17, I was particularly unnerved about meeting her and something going on because of the age gap or nervous or if we didn't get on but I decided to go through with it as you only live once and people come and go in life.

 

We continued texting a lot up to that time and on the day, I felt nervous (which for me never happens, I'm never nervous) but I put it to the back of my head and went to go meet her. She looked familiar but I couldn't quite place it, but she was cute, gorgeous and lovely. It was like we clicked even more when we were together, after about 2-3 hours, it ended up with her was sitting on my lap, grabbed my arms and wrapped them round her and we just talked, but it seemed like there was something but I couldn't quite understand what it was. When it came to the end of the night, I mentioned I'm gonna be bored revising (I had an exam the next week) and I had a free house because my parents had gone to my sister's 21st (my parents/sister told me they would rather I revised as this exam was the most important of my life then go.) X decided she was going to invite herself round so I let her have my address and told her to come from a particular time. I didn't mind too much as I had done a lot of revision as it was.

 

The next day, Saturday, X came round, and it was the usual, getting on like a house on fire and she started wearing my hoody (I had left it somewhere in my house and she found it.) It ended up with her making the move snuggling/cuddling up to me on my sofa, and it was really pleasant, there was no talking though, it was like we had said everything or we knew what we both were thinking. That evening when she had left she texted me telling me that she had feelings for me which I realised I felt the same so I told her that the feeling was mutual.

 

We continued texting after that, we basically acted unofficial and she came round on Friday where we just cuddled/snuggle/kissed and acted like a couple, X suddenly said that she hadn't had a boyfriend before (which I was surprised about considering how attractive I thought she was) so I asked are we going out now then and she agreed, so we officially started our relationship from then. I remember X telling me when we first met when we were talking when she was on my lap was when she realised she liked me.

 

The next month and a half was the best time of my life, everything was right, I met some of X's friends, went out to places and saw each other virtually every single day. We both talked about us a lot and how we seemed to know exactly what we were thinking and we had this very strong bond, it was like she was a female version of me. She used to constantly say she was scared of losing me and that she'd always love me no matter what happened to us in the future, she was a bit clingy but as I had realised I've fallen for her (first girl I ever got attached too) I really didn't mind it.

 

Then I left to go on holiday for 2 weeks, and there was an internet cafe at the resort I was at so I kept in contact with her every other day and she seemed okay etc. Until about a week and a half in, about 9 days or so she suddenly complained that she didn't know how she felt about me anymore and didn't know what she felt about anything and was confused and lost. I tried to push and ask her what was up and I was coming home in a few days, but it escalated into a big argument which made me feel truly awful, and she said she felt awful from it. We managed to patch up a couple of days before I was going to come back, I came back from holiday at midnight so I agreed with her I'd see her once I had some sleep.

 

We met up and it was originally a bit awkward, I assumed that was because she was so used to seeing me and suddenly I left for 2 weeks which was confusing. But the awkwardness quickly went away and we were stronger because of it. However I did notice that something had changed but because our emotional bond seemed to be stronger I didn't worry about it.

 

A week went past and we were stronger and closer then ever, she started to tell me about her past (she didn't want to tell me) and I learnt she had been badly bullied at school and because of it she had SAD (social anxiety disorder) and she hated meeting big groups of people, so I said I'd promise to try help her through this. I noticed she wouldn't say anything at 'meet's when there were a lot of people there but I never brought it up as she seemed to be okay at the end of the day.

 

X had been telling me that she was stressed and scared about college (she had to get on a bus and she hated it because she was picked up last and there was lots of people on the bus already.) Me and X went to a 'meet' where I saw A and A had brought a friend (call him Z) along, we all got on well but I noticed X was acting up more then usual (she acts up when she's stressed.) There was an incident where X sat on A's lap and I inadvertently got jealous and X apologised, said it was a bit of fun but promised she'd never do it again.

 

X asked me to pick her up from college instead of taking the bus so I did and she seemed really happy to see me but then told me about something else that happened the night before. The last night Z started sending X messages on Facebook which she then sent to me, Z was asking her about our relationship and it seemed to me like Z was trying to break us up. I asked X whether she truly wanted to be with me and be 100% positive, she got angry and told me I was the only man she wanted and that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me but I had to ask. X then contacted A who said he knew nothing about it, he contacted Z who apologised and said he'd never contact us again.

 

I still felt uneasy about the whole thing but I put it behind me. The next day X told me that her parents were getting divorced and that she was devastated, so I promised her I'd always be here for her and we'd get through it and she asked me to come and see her and she seemed grateful for me being there for her.

 

On the Thursday of that week she told me that she was seeing A on Saturday (as a friend,) and that he'd been texting her. He'd told her he liked her and apparently whenever he sent a text and she didn't reply for 10-20 minutes, he'd send another, and another. I told her he was trying to hit on her, and she said she was worried he was going to do something forceful. She also was angry at me and claimed I didn't trust her when it was A I was worried about and not her. She asked me if he did hit on her what would the signs be so I told her and at the end of the night she told me she loved me and hugged me tightly. She also told me nothing was going to happen because she was with me and I was all she wanted.

 

By then I had noticed that X had been distant ie texting but since when she told me her parents were getting divorced, which is what I kind of assumed as she was upset and lost because of her parents getting divorced as she was fine with me in person.

 

I did try to get into contact with A telling him to back off, but he never asked facebook messages or phone calls or texts. He claimed he was busy and I could contact him Sunday. Which set all my alarm bells ringing.

 

When Saturday came round (I was away as I do motorsport,) X was even more distant then usual which worried me. On Sunday she then texted me asking me to meet her alone and that it was important but then she had to cancel (spending time with her mother) because she had plans and asked me to see her Monday. But I had already committed to my friends (I had booked tickets etc) I said I couldn't, and she tried to get me to cancel my plans to see her, so I replied back if this is as important as you say it is then you cancel yours as you know I have booked tickets etc. But it got no where and we argued for a while, she told me to stop calling her 'babe' and that she didn't want to hurt me but it had to be done, I knew what was coming but I played it cool as it was over text.

 

On Monday she then texts me telling me that we need to break up, and why she needed to contact me but I was out with my friends so I left it. She then sent me an email dumping me and that she was now seeing A, and said that they didn't 'do anything' on the Saturday they saw each other and claimed she wanted to talk to me but I wasn't around. I got angry/upset and rang them both up but none of them answered (left a nice voicemail message to A telling him to never contact me again and the fact he was able to go behind my back and take my own girlfriend who he knew I loved was disgusting.) I sent a text to X telling her I couldn't understand how she could do this to me and as she had my hoody and money she owed me I wanted them back asap as I was going back to university the next week. She had the cheek to tell me she had done nothing wrong.

 

I find out then that a mutual friend (call her B) had been in contact as she was giving X advice about how to cope with the divorce, and B contacted me and really helped me helping and giving me advice.

 

The next few days were truly the hardest days of my life. I find out from B that X originally wanted to come round with A to give my stuff back, which B then intervened and offered to pick up my stuff from X's house and take them to my house. B had agreed with X to pick up my stuff on the Friday of that week.

 

Because the breakup was bad and done by email, on the Thursday I delivered a letter just explaining I had to close this and that I would be here if she needed and told her I couldn't be friends with her as I loved her too much and wished for her to have a nice life.

 

On that Friday B told me that X had asked her to go shopping with her, and that A was going to be there but once B had enough she was going to take my stuff back to me.

 

B told me that X wanted to come and see me, and A had tried to talk her out of it, they had argued about it and that A seemed annoyed with X as she was being very controlling. I said that it was fine for X to come along aswell as long as A wasn't around. B and X both came round, and it was horribly awkward. I told X about A's manipulative and parading ways as I didn't want her to get hurt. X hugged me and held me really tightly, got emotional, buried herself into me and didn't let go for a while, and due to my emotional state I naturally kissed her on the head, which she actually got closer temporarily then realised what happened and moved away. Then B and X left and B decided to come back to tell me about what X had been telling her, which was that she came to see me when she had read my letter, she had really liked my letter and thought it was sweet. X had also said it was good to see me and she was happy that she did come to see me. X had also complained about being confused about A's true motives.

 

After that, I moved back to university. I cut of all contact with X, I removed her off facebook and stopped going on the owner's club forum. I tried to keep myself busy but it was hard as I was still going through pain.

 

The next week, on Wedneday X texted me out of the blue asking whether I was settling down at uni okay. As I had been drinking (was a night out) I didn't reply until Thursday morning where I tried to emphasise on uni and going out, she kept asking about whether everything was okay. We ended up texting all day (light hearted) and it was similar to when we used to talk before we went out. The conversation pretty much died out when it came to the evening. She did tell me about a 'meet' she was organising but didn't invite me to it which I found very unusual.

 

On Saturday of that week I did try texting her, she seemed very chatty but then went distant after an hour of chatting so I gave up and said I had things to do. The next day Sunday morning I got this really weird feeling/connection (I can't explain it) but I put it to the back of my mind, later that day I find out from B that X had been upset and that B had been supporting her.

 

The next week (last week as it happens) X doesn't text me again until on Thursday, I get this weird feeling/connection again and I find out from B (who had still been helping me and supporting me) that X had been pressing her for information about me asking whether I was okay, B told her to ask me herself but X continued to push B who ended up telling her that I was enjoying myself at uni. X also poked me on Facebook and replied to some of my posts on the owner's club forum (I went back on it to talk to friends etc,) I poked back the following day because it irritated me seeing the notification.

 

I then got this weird/feeling connection on Friday and its still with me now, it got really bad Sunday and I don't understand why I'm getting this weird feeling.

 

But what I think is going on (from what B tells me and what I think)

 

- Because A has a history, I think he detected (from that Sunday) that she was upset and got his friend Z to send the messages to confuse her, then claimed he knew nothing and Z supposedly wasn't going to contact us again. I think he had planned it from the start, and manipulated X (swooping in as a unsuspecting friend) when she was upset/confused/lost (don't think he knew about the divorce) and unfortunately for me it seemed to work and X left me.

 

- I'm still feeling that it isn't fully finished yet and I don't understand why. The weird thing is I don't blame her for what happened because of what she was going through, there is some blame on her breaking up with me but as it was so unexpected (it seemed something happened to Saturday as it appeared she loved me and she didn't lie.)

 

- The strangest thing of all, is because of the above point I think X just taken a wrong turn and then she'll realise what's happened. Haven't got my hopes up though. But the thing is I want X back, I can just feel it deep down and I don't understand. I googled (her being familiar, her being a female version of me, being able to click so well) and everything seemed to say that she was a soulmate so it this is true love she'd come back.

 

- The fact she got into contact with me so quickly since the breakup and that she texted me all day, was distant the other day and then asking other people about me is totally confusing, especially as I know she is still with A.

 

- B has been telling me that X is confused about the conversations me and X had and confused about me entirely.

 

- It could be possible that A is a rebound relationship for X so they possibly couldn't last long but I don't want to get my hopes up, I want X back but the thing is I have lost so much trust I don't know how long it'll take for me to build that trust up again. But I know people who broke up, went their separate ways then met up and got back together again and have been married/together a very long time.

 

- This weird feeling/connection is truly confusing me aswell.

 

- The fact I haven't been able to attach to anyone and suddenly X walks into my life and I fall in love with her badly worries me, it seems like she is worth something or she came into my life for a reason.

 

Because she has been in contact with me and asking B about me, I did consider making a video to give her an ultimatum as she seems to be contacting me and I still love/care for her and I can't keep living this pain. But as she already is with A I don't see that an ultimatum is going to make any favors.

 

The other alternative is to keep doing the no contact and if X contacts me then tell her to give me space and that I don't understand why she suddenly gets into contact with me, vanishes then comes back or drills other people for information and for her to make a choice.

 

I'm truly confused so any advice would be heavily appreciated. Thank you.

[TaraMaiden]

Just stay complete No Contact. Read the link in my signature, and move on, breathe, live your life, and realise that it is what it is.

 

(No, I'm sorry, I didn't read your massive wall of text - I just know that when someone says "should I stay No Contact?" the answer is invariably 'yes'.)

[Harradin]

Just stay complete No Contact. Read the link in my signature, and move on, breathe, live your life, and realise that it is what it is.

 

(No, I'm sorry, I didn't read your massive wall of text - I just know that when someone says "should I stay No Contact?" the answer is invariably 'yes'.)

 

Don't worry about it, its a massive wall of text but I can't explain things very well so I end up explaining everything!

[todreaminblue]

Hi guys. I'm 20 and I'm at university. I'm just lost and confused at the moment hence why I'm here.

 

So here's my story (I have to explain the whole lot am afraid):

 

This year and all the years before that, I used to get a small crush but then I got over it. I was never able to get attached to people and it seemed like people knew about it as I only ever had a couple of girls ever have a crush on me, I never led them on and made it clear I wasn't interested in them like the way they wanted. I always kinda assumed that the right girl would come along, but I never knew when as it irritated me as all my friends got girlfriends etc and seemed happy where I was the one who went searching and it seemed like I couldn't do anything! Until midway through this year, I was 19 at the time.

 

I drive and own a car and I joined its owner's club (it had a forum) about a year and a half ago and started turning up to all the 'meets' they had etc, I made a particular friend who I organised 'meet's with and we got on very well, call him A. A was very boasty and he was very manipulative, he liked having trophies and parading things round and it seemed he never truly cared for people, as he seemed to never be able to get a girlfriend, he had a history of trying to break up other people's relationships to get who he wanted. Or he chased the girls who were upset, he seemed to sniff them out and try it on but got no results there either. About May time, someone new (call her X) joined and the forum had a chatbox, she went onto there a lot and for some reason we instantly clicked and friends on the owner's club quickly started teasing us as we acted like a old couple.

 

I never really took it seriously and carried on living life, in June I found out X lived 20 minutes from me. So we exchanged numbers and we texted each other pretty much all of the time, X started giving me news (she passed her driving test) and her problems before anyone else and we got on like a house on fire, our personalities seemed to just click. Because X lived 20 minutes drive from me she brought up that she wanted to meet so I agreed and we arranged a time on a Friday.

 

Since I was 19 and turning 20 a couple of weeks and she was 17, I was particularly unnerved about meeting her and something going on because of the age gap or nervous or if we didn't get on but I decided to go through with it as you only live once and people come and go in life.

 

We continued texting a lot up to that time and on the day, I felt nervous (which for me never happens, I'm never nervous) but I put it to the back of my head and went to go meet her. She looked familiar but I couldn't quite place it, but she was cute, gorgeous and lovely. It was like we clicked even more when we were together, after about 2-3 hours, it ended up with her was sitting on my lap, grabbed my arms and wrapped them round her and we just talked, but it seemed like there was something but I couldn't quite understand what it was. When it came to the end of the night, I mentioned I'm gonna be bored revising (I had an exam the next week) and I had a free house because my parents had gone to my sister's 21st (my parents/sister told me they would rather I revised as this exam was the most important of my life then go.) X decided she was going to invite herself round so I let her have my address and told her to come from a particular time. I didn't mind too much as I had done a lot of revision as it was.

 

The next day, Saturday, X came round, and it was the usual, getting on like a house on fire and she started wearing my hoody (I had left it somewhere in my house and she found it.) It ended up with her making the move snuggling/cuddling up to me on my sofa, and it was really pleasant, there was no talking though, it was like we had said everything or we knew what we both were thinking. That evening when she had left she texted me telling me that she had feelings for me which I realised I felt the same so I told her that the feeling was mutual.

 

We continued texting after that, we basically acted unofficial and she came round on Friday where we just cuddled/snuggle/kissed and acted like a couple, X suddenly said that she hadn't had a boyfriend before (which I was surprised about considering how attractive I thought she was) so I asked are we going out now then and she agreed, so we officially started our relationship from then. I remember X telling me when we first met when we were talking when she was on my lap was when she realised she liked me.

 

The next month and a half was the best time of my life, everything was right, I met some of X's friends, went out to places and saw each other virtually every single day. We both talked about us a lot and how we seemed to know exactly what we were thinking and we had this very strong bond, it was like she was a female version of me. She used to constantly say she was scared of losing me and that she'd always love me no matter what happened to us in the future, she was a bit clingy but as I had realised I've fallen for her (first girl I ever got attached too) I really didn't mind it.

 

Then I left to go on holiday for 2 weeks, and there was an internet cafe at the resort I was at so I kept in contact with her every other day and she seemed okay etc. Until about a week and a half in, about 9 days or so she suddenly complained that she didn't know how she felt about me anymore and didn't know what she felt about anything and was confused and lost. I tried to push and ask her what was up and I was coming home in a few days, but it escalated into a big argument which made me feel truly awful, and she said she felt awful from it. We managed to patch up a couple of days before I was going to come back, I came back from holiday at midnight so I agreed with her I'd see her once I had some sleep.

 

We met up and it was originally a bit awkward, I assumed that was because she was so used to seeing me and suddenly I left for 2 weeks which was confusing. But the awkwardness quickly went away and we were stronger because of it. However I did notice that something had changed but because our emotional bond seemed to be stronger I didn't worry about it.

 

A week went past and we were stronger and closer then ever, she started to tell me about her past (she didn't want to tell me) and I learnt she had been badly bullied at school and because of it she had SAD (social anxiety disorder) and she hated meeting big groups of people, so I said I'd promise to try help her through this. I noticed she wouldn't say anything at 'meet's when there were a lot of people there but I never brought it up as she seemed to be okay at the end of the day.

 

X had been telling me that she was stressed and scared about college (she had to get on a bus and she hated it because she was picked up last and there was lots of people on the bus already.) Me and X went to a 'meet' where I saw A and A had brought a friend (call him Z) along, we all got on well but I noticed X was acting up more then usual (she acts up when she's stressed.) There was an incident where X sat on A's lap and I inadvertently got jealous and X apologised, said it was a bit of fun but promised she'd never do it again.

 

X asked me to pick her up from college instead of taking the bus so I did and she seemed really happy to see me but then told me about something else that happened the night before. The last night Z started sending X messages on Facebook which she then sent to me, Z was asking her about our relationship and it seemed to me like Z was trying to break us up. I asked X whether she truly wanted to be with me and be 100% positive, she got angry and told me I was the only man she wanted and that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me but I had to ask. X then contacted A who said he knew nothing about it, he contacted Z who apologised and said he'd never contact us again.

 

I still felt uneasy about the whole thing but I put it behind me. The next day X told me that her parents were getting divorced and that she was devastated, so I promised her I'd always be here for her and we'd get through it and she asked me to come and see her and she seemed grateful for me being there for her.

 

On the Thursday of that week she told me that she was seeing A on Saturday (as a friend,) and that he'd been texting her. He'd told her he liked her and apparently whenever he sent a text and she didn't reply for 10-20 minutes, he'd send another, and another. I told her he was trying to hit on her, and she said she was worried he was going to do something forceful. She also was angry at me and claimed I didn't trust her when it was A I was worried about and not her. She asked me if he did hit on her what would the signs be so I told her and at the end of the night she told me she loved me and hugged me tightly. She also told me nothing was going to happen because she was with me and I was all she wanted.

 

By then I had noticed that X had been distant ie texting but since when she told me her parents were getting divorced, which is what I kind of assumed as she was upset and lost because of her parents getting divorced as she was fine with me in person.

 

I did try to get into contact with A telling him to back off, but he never asked facebook messages or phone calls or texts. He claimed he was busy and I could contact him Sunday. Which set all my alarm bells ringing.

 

When Saturday came round (I was away as I do motorsport,) X was even more distant then usual which worried me. On Sunday she then texted me asking me to meet her alone and that it was important but then she had to cancel (spending time with her mother) because she had plans and asked me to see her Monday. But I had already committed to my friends (I had booked tickets etc) I said I couldn't, and she tried to get me to cancel my plans to see her, so I replied back if this is as important as you say it is then you cancel yours as you know I have booked tickets etc. But it got no where and we argued for a while, she told me to stop calling her 'babe' and that she didn't want to hurt me but it had to be done, I knew what was coming but I played it cool as it was over text.

 

On Monday she then texts me telling me that we need to break up, and why she needed to contact me but I was out with my friends so I left it. She then sent me an email dumping me and that she was now seeing A, and said that they didn't 'do anything' on the Saturday they saw each other and claimed she wanted to talk to me but I wasn't around. I got angry/upset and rang them both up but none of them answered (left a nice voicemail message to A telling him to never contact me again and the fact he was able to go behind my back and take my own girlfriend who he knew I loved was disgusting.) I sent a text to X telling her I couldn't understand how she could do this to me and as she had my hoody and money she owed me I wanted them back asap as I was going back to university the next week. She had the cheek to tell me she had done nothing wrong.

 

I find out then that a mutual friend (call her B) had been in contact as she was giving X advice about how to cope with the divorce, and B contacted me and really helped me helping and giving me advice.

 

The next few days were truly the hardest days of my life. I find out from B that X originally wanted to come round with A to give my stuff back, which B then intervened and offered to pick up my stuff from X's house and take them to my house. B had agreed with X to pick up my stuff on the Friday of that week.

 

Because the breakup was bad and done by email, on the Thursday I delivered a letter just explaining I had to close this and that I would be here if she needed and told her I couldn't be friends with her as I loved her too much and wished for her to have a nice life.

 

On that Friday B told me that X had asked her to go shopping with her, and that A was going to be there but once B had enough she was going to take my stuff back to me.

 

B told me that X wanted to come and see me, and A had tried to talk her out of it, they had argued about it and that A seemed annoyed with X as she was being very controlling. I said that it was fine for X to come along aswell as long as A wasn't around. B and X both came round, and it was horribly awkward. I told X about A's manipulative and parading ways as I didn't want her to get hurt. X hugged me and held me really tightly, got emotional, buried herself into me and didn't let go for a while, and due to my emotional state I naturally kissed her on the head, which she actually got closer temporarily then realised what happened and moved away. Then B and X left and B decided to come back to tell me about what X had been telling her, which was that she came to see me when she had read my letter, she had really liked my letter and thought it was sweet. X had also said it was good to see me and she was happy that she did come to see me. X had also complained about being confused about A's true motives.

 

After that, I moved back to university. I cut of all contact with X, I removed her off facebook and stopped going on the owner's club forum. I tried to keep myself busy but it was hard as I was still going through pain.

 

The next week, on Wedneday X texted me out of the blue asking whether I was settling down at uni okay. As I had been drinking (was a night out) I didn't reply until Thursday morning where I tried to emphasise on uni and going out, she kept asking about whether everything was okay. We ended up texting all day (light hearted) and it was similar to when we used to talk before we went out. The conversation pretty much died out when it came to the evening. She did tell me about a 'meet' she was organising but didn't invite me to it which I found very unusual.

 

On Saturday of that week I did try texting her, she seemed very chatty but then went distant after an hour of chatting so I gave up and said I had things to do. The next day Sunday morning I got this really weird feeling/connection (I can't explain it) but I put it to the back of my mind, later that day I find out from B that X had been upset and that B had been supporting her.

 

The next week (last week as it happens) X doesn't text me again until on Thursday, I get this weird feeling/connection again and I find out from B (who had still been helping me and supporting me) that X had been pressing her for information about me asking whether I was okay, B told her to ask me herself but X continued to push B who ended up telling her that I was enjoying myself at uni. X also poked me on Facebook and replied to some of my posts on the owner's club forum (I went back on it to talk to friends etc,) I poked back the following day because it irritated me seeing the notification.

 

I then got this weird/feeling connection on Friday and its still with me now, it got really bad Sunday and I don't understand why I'm getting this weird feeling.

 

But what I think is going on (from what B tells me and what I think)

 

- Because A has a history, I think he detected (from that Sunday) that she was upset and got his friend Z to send the messages to confuse her, then claimed he knew nothing and Z supposedly wasn't going to contact us again. I think he had planned it from the start, and manipulated X (swooping in as a unsuspecting friend) when she was upset/confused/lost (don't think he knew about the divorce) and unfortunately for me it seemed to work and X left me.

 

- I'm still feeling that it isn't fully finished yet and I don't understand why. The weird thing is I don't blame her for what happened because of what she was going through, there is some blame on her breaking up with me but as it was so unexpected (it seemed something happened to Saturday as it appeared she loved me and she didn't lie.)

 

- The strangest thing of all, is because of the above point I think X just taken a wrong turn and then she'll realise what's happened. Haven't got my hopes up though. But the thing is I want X back, I can just feel it deep down and I don't understand. I googled (her being familiar, her being a female version of me, being able to click so well) and everything seemed to say that she was a soulmate so it this is true love she'd come back.

 

- The fact she got into contact with me so quickly since the breakup and that she texted me all day, was distant the other day and then asking other people about me is totally confusing, especially as I know she is still with A.

 

- B has been telling me that X is confused about the conversations me and X had and confused about me entirely.

 

- It could be possible that A is a rebound relationship for X so they possibly couldn't last long but I don't want to get my hopes up, I want X back but the thing is I have lost so much trust I don't know how long it'll take for me to build that trust up again. But I know people who broke up, went their separate ways then met up and got back together again and have been married/together a very long time.

 

- This weird feeling/connection is truly confusing me aswell.

 

- The fact I haven't been able to attach to anyone and suddenly X walks into my life and I fall in love with her badly worries me, it seems like she is worth something or she came into my life for a reason.

 

Because she has been in contact with me and asking B about me, I did consider making a video to give her an ultimatum as she seems to be contacting me and I still love/care for her and I can't keep living this pain. But as she already is with A I don't see that an ultimatum is going to make any favors.

 

The other alternative is to keep doing the no contact and if X contacts me then tell her to give me space and that I don't understand why she suddenly gets into contact with me, vanishes then comes back or drills other people for information and for her to make a choice.

 

I'm truly confused so any advice would be heavily appreciated. Thank you.

 

 

 

I feel for you you sound as confused as your girlfriend is....and i am totally confused because of x y and b and a.......i started feeling like i should be doing something algebraic to help you.....find the solution.....but unfortunately i am better with fractions and friction and music....there's a fraction too much friction excellent song ........look i didnt want to have feelings for someone when i have...i am strong on standing alone....but i have developed feelings for someone you cant help it....tried to debate with god by praying...... his line is engaged and somehow dont think ill win at all he will answer me one day though..... the feelings either will go away or they wont........that reason you talk about maybe its god who put her in your life for a reason....you do seem to have some difficulties here....having a girlfriend with issues isnt fun...its an illness.......a disorder can be called a disorder but basically its an illness......and yes having issues leave people open and vulnerable to the creeps of the world.....doesn't so much with me i see a creep pretty clearly....now..... didn't before went out with a couple..obviously your girlfriend doesn't....i think you should talk with her clear the air if you can.....and work out if you can handle the bad days along with the good ones......cheating is not an option though on her behalf you don't seem like the type who would want that type of relationship.......you need to make this clear....you should be able to go away for two weeks and not have something happen where you feel insecure about her with another guy...if she is in relationship with you this should be not a concern for either one of you to have....so talk to her .....and i wish you hope that it turns out for the best....good luck..ps heres that song

 

 

 

...deb Edited October 8, 2012 by todreaminblue

[Harradin]

I feel for you you sound as confused as your girlfriend is....and i am totally confused because of x y and b and a.......i started feeling like i should be doing something algebraic to help you.....find the solution.....but unfortunately i am better with fractions and friction and music....there's a fraction too much friction excellent song ........look i didnt want to have feelings for someone when i have...i am strong on standing alone....but i have developed feelings for someone you cant help it....tried to debate with god by praying...... his line is engaged and somehow dont think ill win at all he will answer me one day though..... the feelings either will go away or they wont........that reason you talk about maybe its god who put her in your life for a reason....you do seem to have some difficulties here....having a girlfriend with issues isnt fun...its an illness.......a disorder can be called a disorder but basically its an illness......and yes having issues leave people open and vulnerable to the creeps of the world.....doesn't so much with me i see a creep pretty clearly....now..... didn't before went out with a couple..obviously your girlfriend doesn't....i think you should talk with her clear the air if you can.....and work out if you can handle the bad days along with the good ones......cheating is not an option though on her behalf you don't seem like the type who would want that type of relationship.......you need to make this clear....you should be able to go away for two weeks and not have something happen where you feel insecure about her with another guy...if she is in relationship with you this should be not a concern for either one of you to have....so talk to her .....and i wish you hope that it turns out for the best....good luck..ps heres that song

 

 

 

...deb

 

Thanks for the advice, I don't mean to make it difficult ie x,y and z. Just easier then using their names or he/she/it!

[Harradin]

Have a question I'm struggling to answer. Sorry you'll have to read the wall of text ><

 

Since she initiated the contact and been initiating contact (however when I texted her last week she was chatty but then after a hour went distant,) should I start initiate contact or wait until she does it?

[Tiera D]

OP u read again what Taramaiden wrote above that should answer your latest question again

 

TD

[TaraMaiden]

Have a question I'm struggling to answer. Sorry you'll have to read the wall of text ><

 

Since she initiated the contact and been initiating contact (however when I texted her last week she was chatty but then after a hour went distant,) should I start initiate contact or wait until she does it?

 

No, because No Contact means - you don't make contact.

It's in the Caliguy Link.

Didn't you read it?

If you had, you wouldn't actually be asking the question.....

[Harradin]

Thought I'd give an update.

 

Last week, my feelings just grew stronger and stronger until I couldn't stand it anymore I had planned on sending her a letter. But then decided that wasn't a good idea, I had a epiphany when I was running (since it all I've been motivated to work out so I've been working out ever since) that I should make a video asking (not begging) for her to consider giving us another go, give it my best shot and if it still doesn't work then I have given it everything I can so I can move on and get on with my life. Plus it felt like something I had to do, I can't explain where it came from.

 

So I spent the week (while at uni doing work) perfecting this video, until I got it perfect and confident I couldn't do anymore to make it better. I then delivered it last Friday, she then rang me to ask if we could meet up. So we did and at the start, she acted like a couple, kept complimenting me (I smelt good according to her,) cuddling/holding my hands/sitting on my lap and we just kept talking (light heartedly.) Then she brought up she didn't know what to do, as the video made her think, and she really wanted me in her life but didn't know whether to break up with the guy she's with and come back to me. I told her that I'm not going to wait and be mucked around so she has to make a choice as I said I couldn't be friends with someone I truly loved. She got angry and just made a quick choice (to stay with the guy she was with) and we argued a bit (about me not being in her life as a friend as she couldn't understand why) and it ended badly, with her saying it was my loss when to me, its actually her loss.

 

Instead of giving me the realisation that I can move on, its just confused me because she acted like we were a couple in the first place. But this time I'm definitely going 'No Contact' as I've given it everything I can, I just hate the confusion that I have atm!

Edited October 16, 2012 by Harradin