Lonely Ronin Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 I don't think that's true at all. When I am attracted to someone, it's not like it's a conscious decision. I also won't pass up on someone because they are too good-looking. If you can trust him, there's no reason to be worrying about every other woman. I have a ton of female friends who would disagree with you. From what I understand, it's not so much about him, it's about all the other women ogling him, and how that makes her feel.
phineas Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 I have a ton of female friends who would disagree with you. From what I understand, it's not so much about him, it's about all the other women ogling him, and how that makes her feel. So they won't date a good looking guy? Or they constantly worry someone hotter will poach him?
Lonely Ronin Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 So they won't date a good looking guy? Or they constantly worry someone hotter will poach him? Of course they will date a good looking guy, but they have an upper bounds. In other words at some point he becomes to good looking for them to date. The exact reasons they gave varied.
Author kaylan Posted October 8, 2012 Author Posted October 8, 2012 (edited) Sorry but thats an excuse. You think women don't get their heart broken? When did I say that? This thread isnt about womens broken hearts. Its about mens...so just stop. The reality is that men need the companionship and emotional connection less than women. Most men would be happy doing random girls consistently while they get to do what they want and enjoy their various hobbies. Now this might change as they get older and lonlier, but usually holds true during their younger years.SUUUUUUUUCH bull. You need more guy friends who have in depth convos with you about this stuff. There are as many guys out there who want companionship and emotional connection as there are women who want it. And there are plenty of female players out there nowadays who have guys fall for them and throw them for an emotional loop. Most guys who not be happy just screwing random girls. Are you ignoring all the guys who post on the forum just wanting a nice girlfriend they connect with? Or are you judging men by the type of guys you have in your own life? Because as I said, I meet guys who want connection, and I meet dudes who are players. Id say its about even. And these are young guys in their 20s.Everyone who gives themselves fully to relationships get burned at some point. It's how you deal with it long term that's a measure of your character. Ultimately, you are responsible for the kind of person you turn out to be. If you feel you have to turn into some kind of player and hurt those that want you, I'm not sorry the slightest. This is what Im talking about. This thread isnt about what women deal with, but of course people are bringing up how players are going to go out and purposefully hurt women. Thats not what this thread is about. Its about guys dating around because they are afraid to make themselves vulnerable, NOT because they seek to hurt women on purpose. Why do people always turn around threads like these to focus on the idea that a guys a douchebag and the woman is a victim? Lets scrap that idea right now. This thread is NOT about that. This thread is about if women ever sit and think that a guys been hurt in the past and thats why hes not ready to commit, or taking his time to really get to know her. This thread is about whether women actually ever decided to cool their jets on rushing commitment and actually believe a guy when he says he wants to get to know her and be sure about her. Especially considering how many people rush into exclusivity, and then act all baffled when the relationship fails and they realize the person wasnt compatible with them.Most men(especially younger 16-25)would rather play the field and have ONS or FWB's then be in relationships. I've had friends/acquaintances say or insinuate that the reason that they were with their current GF was because they couldn't get a FWB either with her or better looking woman. So even though they didnt really like her, it was better then not getting consistent sex In my experience, alot of men settle for relationships and alot of women settle for Being FWB People can say different but it's mostly true If its true, then why have most of my close guys friend has LTRs during their teens and early 20s? Despite have several women throw themselves at them? Answer; these guys arent comfortable just hooking up. They value relationships. Thus your assertion is false and it truly depends on the person.If you felt "burned" you wouldn't be opening yourself up to anything (including, and especially sex). When guys say they were "burned" and that's why they don't do relationships, all I think is it's an excuse to sleep around without you know, being a player. Says the guy who hasnt had sex or relationships. Getting your heart broken is a lot different from simply getting your feelings hurt after sleeping with someone. Say a girl Ive been having sex with, and kinda like, decides shes done with me. Yeah it sucks, but its not a gut kick most of the time. But say the girl Im madly in love with one day tell me she think she wants to break up. That kinda pain, with or without sex, destroys you for a little while dude. Despite what some people want to think, love is a lot harder than sex. And a lot riskier too. Seems to me that you are just another person trying to shame people for their natural desire for sex. Sex is easy bro. Love is the hard part. Edited October 8, 2012 by kaylan
Mrlonelyone Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 When did I say that? This thread isnt about womens broken hearts. Its about mens...so just stop. Why do people always turn around threads like these to focus on the idea that a guys a douchebag and the woman is a victim? Like so many male-female disparities it goes back to gender norms. In some aspects of life these things favor men. Such as work. When it comes to personal relationships and family they favor women. (At least in the USA) Men are predatory, women are nurturing. Women are emotional, men are logical. Men are agressive women are submissive. Given all those binary contrast why wouldn't the predatory, logical (cold) and aggressive gender victimize the nurturing, emotional, and submissive gender. Of course the woman is going to be the victim. While men and women are different these stark contrast, that people really truly believe, aren't them. Lets scrap that idea right now. This thread is NOT about that. This thread is about if women ever sit and think that a guys been hurt in the past and thats why hes not ready to commit, or taking his time to really get to know her. This thread is about whether women actually ever decided to cool their jets on rushing commitment and actually believe a guy when he says he wants to get to know her and be sure about her. Especially considering how many people rush into exclusivity, and then act all baffled when the relationship fails and they realize the person wasnt compatible with them. Short answer. Look at your computer, microwave, supermarket and car. In every aspect of life we don't have to wait for anything anymore. People expect something as complex as building a truly loving relationship to just happen instantly. 1
Author kaylan Posted October 8, 2012 Author Posted October 8, 2012 (edited) I completely believe men want relationships. I just think a lot of men have extremely high standards for relationships. Since it is more socially acceptable for men to stay single than women, it means they can retain their high standards and not be shamed for it (Where's the male equivalent of "Settle for Mr. Good Enough"?) Id say settling is not because of what society thinks of single women, and more to do with womens own biological clocks or marriage clocks. Many women just dont want to be single or childless at or past 30, so they settle for Mr Good Enough. And yes, some guys settle too (just ask around or read threads from divorcees), but its less prevalent for dudes to feel rushed into settling down because our reproductive issues arent similar. It seems like the guys with lower standards just want a relationship because it's an easy access for sex. I suspect that if you gave them easy-access sex, then their standards for a relationship would suddenly shoot up.I think it all depends on the guy. I have high standards for a relationship, and good standards for sex, so Im usually single and not getting sex as much as Id want. My point is, I could have more sex if I wanted, but Im very cautious about my health and my emotions. Ive been known to let sex cloud my judgement and how much I truly like a girl. Just read my first thread ever created on this forum from last fall. I was totally fallen for this chick and sex was a big reason I fell heavy. So the stereotype that most guys separate emotions from sex easily, isnt really true from my own experiences and from other things Ive seen. And also, easy access to sex didnt make my relationship standards higher, I actually lowered them a bit and started falling for the wrong girl. I could get laid more if I lowered my standards and morals some, but even so, doing that now wouldnt make me more ready to jump into a relationship.A man does not have a sell-by date. Women do. There is still strong social currency that a woman past a certain age is dried-up, valueless, unappealing, etc. Older single men, on the other hand, are sexy, established, mature, etc. An older man is a bachelor. An older woman is a cougar. Dont confuse the internet with real life. In real life, an older established and independent woman will be sexy to quite a few men. And cougar was never a bad term amongst any guys Ive talked to. It was always a term used for older women who could so have some of our company if she wanted it. Edited October 8, 2012 by kaylan
TheBigQuestion Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 ^Yep. Only on the internet is a "cougar" treated like an unspeakable slur.
fortyninethousand322 Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 Says the guy who hasnt had sex or relationships. Getting your heart broken is a lot different from simply getting your feelings hurt after sleeping with someone. Say a girl Ive been having sex with, and kinda like, decides shes done with me. Yeah it sucks, but its not a gut kick most of the time. But say the girl Im madly in love with one day tell me she think she wants to break up. That kinda pain, with or without sex, destroys you for a little while dude. Despite what some people want to think, love is a lot harder than sex. And a lot riskier too. Seems to me that you are just another person trying to shame people for their natural desire for sex. Sex is easy bro. Love is the hard part. Again with the backhanded insults. Doesn't help your argument at all, in fact usually mudslinging happens when the person knows they've lost the logical argument. I've had my heart broken (yes by someone I never even kissed), it's why I don't bother approaching women anymore. I wouldn't sleep with anyone nor pursue relationships with anyone after that. In my opinion, anyone (man or woman) that says their heart was broken and that's why they can only sleep with people but not pursue relationships with them is just lying to themselves.
Mrlonelyone Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 Verhzn A married man once told me, marriage is where a woman dosen't want to have sex with you but also dosen't want anyone else to have sex with you. (They have been married another ten years since then.) Enough men and women in sexless marriages can vouch for that. So the idea that relationship = easy access to sex is false. Count me as a man or woman however you like. I would just like to walk down the street holding hands with someone unconcerned about the judgements of others.
Author kaylan Posted October 8, 2012 Author Posted October 8, 2012 Again with the backhanded insults. Doesn't help your argument at all, in fact usually mudslinging happens when the person knows they've lost the logical argument. Its not a backhanded insult. Its fact. You have no experience with love or sex, so how can you pass judgement on which you have no experience? You sound like monday morning quarterbacks whove never played, let alone coached, any sort of football. Call it mudslinging if you want. In reality you are just butthurt by the facts. I've had my heart broken (yes by someone I never even kissed), it's why I don't bother approaching women anymore. I wouldn't sleep with anyone nor pursue relationships with anyone after that. Again, get back to me when youve kissed, spent 10 straight hours in bed with, and spent almost every day with someone who broke your heart. Yes it can hurt to feel pain from someone youve never kissed, but trust me when I say that pains infinitely greater once youve shared so much more with them. If youre going to give up on women after getting your heart hurt by a girl you never even kissed, I dunno what to tell you. Theres worse pain out there. Trust me. In my opinion, anyone (man or woman) that says their heart was broken and that's why they can only sleep with people but not pursue relationships with them is just lying to themselves. ??? Who said that a person was ONLY sleeping with people and never pursuing relationships? NO ONE said that. The idea was that someone is being more cautious about jumping into relationships due to pain theyve been through, not that they arent ever open to it. They want to make sure they find the right person. In my case I dont have girlfriends just to have a mate, the way many men and women do. I am exclusive with someone after I know them pretty well, and after I get a sense that I could love them and have our relationship really go somewhere. I dont blindly leap into things.
Revolver Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 "Your close guy fiends" = most young men in America? That's what your basically saying I'm just saying what I've seen and my own personal perspective on this. Most men in a perfect world would rather just be players and do their own thing. That's why most admire athletes, rappers, rockstars etc because of those guys ability to shuffle different attactive women without settling down. Im talking about men of all different races and backgrounds. However most CAN'T do this and some settle for relationships, especially younger men. Now are there men who want to be in relationships and are happy with their current one? Absolutely and I'm one of them but would most drop their current GF To live the lifestyle of Wilt chamberlain for example tonight
Revolver Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 Verhzn A married man once told me, marriage is where a woman dosen't want to have sex with you but also dosen't want anyone else to have sex with you. (They have been married another ten years since then.) Enough men and women in sexless marriages can vouch for that. So the idea that relationship = easy access to sex is false. Count me as a man or woman however you like. I would just like to walk down the street holding hands with someone unconcerned about the judgements of others. Most relationships couples have sex, the vast majority of them. One of the perks to being in a relationship is consistent sex. This doesn't sound nice, but if most guys could get the sex on command without having to be in the relationship they'd trade for that set up in an instance. There's quite a few guys who can't get that FWB set up, so they in turn settle with a girl they kinda sorta like for a relationship just for the action.
Author kaylan Posted October 8, 2012 Author Posted October 8, 2012 "Your close guy fiends" = most young men in America? That's what your basically saying I'm just saying what I've seen and my own personal perspective on this. Most men in a perfect world would rather just be players and do their own thing. That's why most admire athletes, rappers, rockstars etc because of those guys ability to shuffle different attactive women without settling down. Im talking about men of all different races and backgrounds. However most CAN'T do this and some settle for relationships, especially younger men. Now are there men who want to be in relationships and are happy with their current one? Absolutely and I'm one of them but would most drop their current GF To live the lifestyle of Wilt chamberlain for example tonight Im saying my close guys friend as mere examples. I know many other men like them as well, though I know less details about these guys. What you say about men "in a perfect world" I could say about women "in a perfect world". But the world inst perfect and you cant make ignorant assumptions about most of men, especially when theres many examples that would prove you wrong.
MrCastle Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 I'm gonna touch on some nerves here, but I've been doing that all week so, it is what it is. In my experience, the men who want LTR's are the ones who can't get anything else. I always hear those kinds of men saying "yeah I played the field and had my fun, but I'm ready to settle down" and in my head I'm like "uh, really? because I haven't seen you with one woman, let alone multiple". I believe a lot of guys live their dating life by their options. Men who have the ability to sleep around with different women, do so. Those that don't have that luxury; decide to stay with one woman (maybe out of fear they don't know when they'll get another?) Just what I've seen. I'm sure there are some men out there who honestly do want a LTR even though they could just as easily sleep around, but that number is small. Then again, I don't believe in LTR's and think young people who do it are foolish, so what do I know.
Author kaylan Posted October 8, 2012 Author Posted October 8, 2012 Are people ignoring my posts? I could have easily slept with twice the women I already have in my life, but for health reasons, my own standards, and knowing how my emotions work, I havent. Not every guy who can date more than a girl at a time, actually wants to do that.
Revolver Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 I'm gonna touch on some nerves here, but I've been doing that all week so, it is what it is. In my experience, the men who want LTR's are the ones who can't get anything else. I always hear those kinds of men saying "yeah I played the field and had my fun, but I'm ready to settle down" and in my head I'm like "uh, really? because I haven't seen you with one woman, let alone multiple". I believe a lot of guys live their dating life by their options. Men who have the ability to sleep around with different women, do so. Those that don't have that luxury; decide to stay with one woman (maybe out of fear they don't know when they'll get another?) Just what I've seen. I'm sure there are some men out there who honestly do want a LTR even though they could just as easily sleep around, but that number is small. Then again, I don't believe in LTR's and think young people who do it are foolish, so what do I know. This is the truth, for the most part 1
PJKino Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 People are inidividuals with different wants and needs regardless of gender i know plenty of dudes who had the opportunity to sleep with a lot of women and refused because they were in love or didnt like having sex with people they didnt care for a lot.. To be honest if were going by people we know ive found men to be more hopeless romantics who just wanted love in a relationship and women to be more cunning and treating a marriage like a business and the minute it ended the guy was crushed and devastated and the women moved on almost scarely fast to another guy..
Revolver Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 Im saying my close guys friend as mere examples. I know many other men like them as well, though I know less details about these guys. What you say about men "in a perfect world" I could say about women "in a perfect world". But the world inst perfect and you cant make ignorant assumptions about most of men, especially when theres many examples that would prove you wrong. "If its true, then why have most of my close guys friend has LTRs during their teens and early 20s? Despite have several women throw themselves at them? Answer; these guys arent comfortable just hooking up. They value relationships. Thus your assertion is false and it truly depends on the person." You basically said I'm wrong because your group of friends have done different. It would be like someone saying "Men care alot about a woman's physical appearance" Then me saying, "well I know friends who don't, so your wrong" Again, none of this can be proven and I'm not saying all men, this just based off what I've seen, known, and interacted with different guys all through my life. I do think most men mature and then learn to value LTRs later in life.
fortyninethousand322 Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 Its not a backhanded insult. Its fact. You have no experience with love or sex, so how can you pass judgement on which you have no experience? You sound like monday morning quarterbacks whove never played, let alone coached, any sort of football. Call it mudslinging if you want. In reality you are just butthurt by the facts. Again, get back to me when youve kissed, spent 10 straight hours in bed with, and spent almost every day with someone who broke your heart. Yes it can hurt to feel pain from someone youve never kissed, but trust me when I say that pains infinitely greater once youve shared so much more with them. If youre going to give up on women after getting your heart hurt by a girl you never even kissed, I dunno what to tell you. Theres worse pain out there. Trust me. I'm expressing my d**m opinion. Mercy, it's amazing how in one breath you criticize me for "judging" but in the next you criticize me for expressing an "uninformed" (to you) opinion. You're just a condescending busybody. As for me, I might not have been "physically intimate" but I shared feelings and invested emotions that I thought were being returned. They weren't and it has messed up my view of life, dating, relationships, and the world. I have no desire for further interaction with women. Sure, there's worse pain, like getting your limbs amputated or something like that, but I think I've got it fairly bad all things considered.
Author kaylan Posted October 8, 2012 Author Posted October 8, 2012 You basically said I'm wrong because your group of friends have done different. It would be like someone saying I used them as examples because I know them personally. But I have known other men who dont hook up much either despite having girls like them. Their reasons for not doing so I dont know, which is why I cant use them as examples. Therefore your previous assumptions about most men is false. Unless youve surveyed a great portion of men, your sweeping generalizations fail in this case. Never mind the fact that Im not the first poster to say hes met numerous guys who arent into hooking up. And these arent ugly socially inept men either. "Men care alot about a woman's physical appearance" Then me saying, "well I know friends who don't, so your wrong" Again, none of this can be proven and I'm not saying all men, this just based off what I've seen, known, and interacted with different guys all through my life. I do think most men mature and then learn to value LTRs later in life. Men learn the values of LTRs at different stages of life depending on the guy. You may think dudes in their youth dont want an LTR, but I certainly did from 16 to 22. And so did other guys I knew. And these are the prime years where young people are super hormonal and rarely think with their brains. I'm expressing my d**m opinion. Mercy, it's amazing how in one breath you criticize me for "judging" but in the next you criticize me for expressing an "uninformed" (to you) opinion. You're just a condescending busybody. Im condescending? Says the guy who runs into the thread and calls all guys liars if they happen to have sex but are cautious with their hearts. As for me, I might not have been "physically intimate" but I shared feelings and invested emotions that I thought were being returned. They weren't and it has messed up my view of life, dating, relationships, and the world. I have no desire for further interaction with women. Sure, there's worse pain, like getting your limbs amputated or something like that, but I think I've got it fairly bad all things considered. Again, I understand how much that can suck. But at the same time, consider yourself lucky. If those feelings were reciprocated, and you had a true emotional and physical connection with this girl before things went south, youd have been in a hell of a lot more pain. Especially when you consider that the physical aspect of the relationship would have been an extension of your emotional connection with her. I think youll snap out of this and get back on the horse though. Ive been where you are, and eventually the pain goes away enough where you can get back out there. Dont give up dude.
fortyninethousand322 Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 Im condescending? Says the guy who runs into the thread and calls all guys liars if they happen to have sex but are cautious with their hearts. Again, I understand how much that can suck. But at the same time, consider yourself lucky. If those feelings were reciprocated, and you had a true emotional and physical connection with this girl before things went south, youd have been in a hell of a lot more pain. Especially when you consider that the physical aspect of the relationship would have been an extension of your emotional connection with her. I think youll snap out of this and get back on the horse though. Ive been where you are, and eventually the pain goes away enough where you can get back out there. Dont give up dude. Yes you are condescending. On every topic on this forum. At least when I'm condescending I recognize the fact, and I acknowledge that my opinions and experiences are not universal. And thanks for your well wishes, but it's been 4 years now. I'm not snapping out of it, and quite frankly I don't really wish to. People were put on Earth to let each other down. Routinely. The quicker people realize this the better.
Titania22 Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 Well something to consider, as a girl who men don't want to have a relationship with. What hurts less? "Most men don't want relationships" or "Most men do want relationships, just not with you". So really why is it important to you, that women understand that you are interested in relationships, if those women are not women you would ever consider for one?
Author kaylan Posted October 8, 2012 Author Posted October 8, 2012 the majority of men do want relationships, but i wonder how many women see men who want relationships in a negative light? funny that when you get burned you take out your anger on women, real mature. not. Learn to read. What anger dude? There was no ill will towards women in my OP at all. It was a call out to women, asking them to understand why some men are cautious about relationships.
Woggle Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 I'm gonna touch on some nerves here, but I've been doing that all week so, it is what it is. In my experience, the men who want LTR's are the ones who can't get anything else. I always hear those kinds of men saying "yeah I played the field and had my fun, but I'm ready to settle down" and in my head I'm like "uh, really? because I haven't seen you with one woman, let alone multiple". I believe a lot of guys live their dating life by their options. Men who have the ability to sleep around with different women, do so. Those that don't have that luxury; decide to stay with one woman (maybe out of fear they don't know when they'll get another?) Just what I've seen. I'm sure there are some men out there who honestly do want a LTR even though they could just as easily sleep around, but that number is small. Then again, I don't believe in LTR's and think young people who do it are foolish, so what do I know. This is false. During the summer I can go out and bring home at least three women to sleep with but I prefer to be with my wife. When a woman is worth giving up that life for nothing is better.
Author kaylan Posted October 8, 2012 Author Posted October 8, 2012 Yes you are condescending. On every topic on this forum. At least when I'm condescending I recognize the fact, and I acknowledge that my opinions and experiences are not universal. Allow me to reiterate my point since you didnt seem to get it. Its hypocritical of you to call me condescending when you ran into this thread with a condescendingly dismissive attitude towards men who are careful about who they give their heart to. And thanks for your well wishes, but it's been 4 years now. I'm not snapping out of it, and quite frankly I don't really wish to. People were put on Earth to let each other down. Routinely. The quicker people realize this the better.Grim assessment is grim. Well something to consider, as a girl who men don't want to have a relationship with. What hurts less? "Most men don't want relationships" or "Most men do want relationships, just not with you". So really why is it important to you, that women understand that you are interested in relationships, if those women are not women you would ever consider for one? I want them to understand the problem isnt them. In reality, "its not you, its me" is sometimes true.
Recommended Posts