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I want a threesome, boyfriend does not.


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Posted

Hello ladies and gents,

 

My boyfriend have been together for over six years and things are wonderful. We act like best friends, spend quality time together, common interests (xbox, cooking, shopping), our families and friends get along great, etc.

 

So
recently, my best friend and I have been talking about how awesome it would be to be in a threesome together. I asked my boyfriend if we could have one, with my best friend. At first he agreed, I was excited. A few moments later, he changed his mind and said it would ruin our relationship. I'
m
happy that he cares about relationship
so
much, but our sex life is kinda beginning to...simmer down.

 

I don't look forward to sex as much as I used to. When him and I DO have sex, I fantasize about the threesome with my best friend. I have known my best friend for over ten years, we are awfully close, been through all types of situations together, made out a few times, etc...
so
no, there's no "jealousy" factor there. I'
m
bi as well,
so
it's hard for me to be jealous of a girl when I'
m
so
attracted to them. My boyfriend was kind of hurt that I would want to share him, but why not? Everyone fantasizes about sexual experiences with other people while in a relationship, why not make it a reality?

 

I have dated a couple guys in the past and have brought up the whole "let's do a threesome!" thing as well, but they also get weirded out and say it's going to ruin things. And when I don't get what I want, I usually leave. I know, I know, not the most sensible thing to do. The boyfriend I'
m
with right now, I can't just do that because I love the guy.

 

I'
m
torn. My libido is high, I value sex but I care about him a lot. I'
m
a part time catalog model to pay off my tuition,
so
I'
m
constantly surrounded by temptation (attractive photographers, male models, etc.). It sucks. What should I do?

Posted

Leave your poor bf. Live a single life and enjoy the perks of threesome, foursome or whatsoever without hurting anyone.

  • Like 2
Posted

You need a new boyfriend. I will be the new boyfriend. Your best friend is a chick right?

  • Like 2
Posted

I am disgusted.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What kind of a man turns down a threesome?

  • Like 4
Posted

What kind of a man turns down a threesome?

 

Lots, actually. I've had a handful of threesomes with NSA/FWB friends but only two of my six long-term relationships wanted to introduce the concept into our relationship.

 

The two relationships where we did try threesomes (and more) ended up back-firing on us emotionally and irrevocably hurt the relationship.

 

OP, I don't recommend it... As others have stated, break up with your BF if you want to experiment and play around. It only works in the confines of a relationship is both are 100% on board with that activity.

  • Like 2
Posted (edited)

Id dump you personally OP. No offense. But I like straight women, and I like women who want our relationship to be monogamous.

 

Bringing outsiders into the relationship is asking for drama. Really listen to Carrie about the emotional problems this could bring into a relationship. Search online and read about the problems this usually starts if both partners arent 100% on board. And sometimes things backfire even then. And Id def not continue dating a girl whos sexually attracted to her best friend and desires to sleep with them.

 

I agree with the first response here, go be single and enjoy yourself so you can fulfill both sides of your sexuality. Or find a bf whos ok with that.

 

PS - while many men are turned on by bi chicks, many guys exist like me who are straight up turned off by it. (or who at least dislike the idea of sharing their woman. Some guys will do it with women theyve never date) Its no different than how there are plenty of women who arent into two guys getting it on, though most people dont know there also exists a portion of women who find that a turn on. All in all, find a guy who likes that.

Edited by kaylan
  • Like 1
  • Author
Posted

Minka333 - Short and sweet advice, I like it! But alas, things aren't as simple, thanks though.

 

MrCastle - Of course the best friend is a female. If bff was male, I would be pretty scandalous.

 

CarrieT - Thank you for sharing your experiences and your input :)

 

kaylan - Thanks for echoing Minka333 and Carrie T. From the rest of your post, all I got was your personal strong dislike towards females who happen to find other females attractive and your preference for monogamous women. Interesting opinions, but none of my business.

Posted

I agree that if it means that much to you, it makes more sense for you to end your present relationship and find someone who is into it. I gather that is not what you want to hear, from your response to the other posters. This is not so much about monogamy as it is about having profoundly different sexual preferences. This doesn't sound to me like a situation where he wants to be coaxed, but rather that he has made it clear that it's not his thing. I don't think it is EVER a good idea to try to talk someone into something like this.

Posted

Having been in the same position as this guy (twice actually), I can understand his reservations. The whole threesome in a relationships thing seems like an awesome idea to most guys, but if you actually care about the other person it can be problematic and emotionally difficult to manage.

 

Is your best friend straight, bi, or lesbian? Given that you are bi, what is your relationship history? I found the idea initially exciting as well, but what happens if you develop romantic feelings for your bff or anyone else inside you invite inside your bedroom? What if he does? Will this be a one time thing or ongoing? If you are going to do it, I would honestly consider someone that is not well known to either of you and will not continue to be in both of your lives if things do not work out well. I would also suggest ground rules for the relationship. If you do this and then end up hanging out late with your bff and not your bf at some other time, is he going to assume you are sleeping with her and cheating on him? What happens if you two have a fight and you go to blow off steam with the bff?

 

Getting such things to work requires a very special relationship that is full of honesty and constantly requires managing jealousy. It is less about boy or girl and more about no longer feeling special to the other person as there is no tangible part of the relationship that you do not share with other people.Just a few things to think about.

 

In the end, I realized I was not built for such relationships and got myself a straight girl with no bi inclinations. If you two spice things up in the bedroom, there are many things the two of you can explore together without a third party.

  • Like 1
Posted

Hello ladies and gents,

 

My boyfriend have been together for over six years and things are wonderful. We act like best friends, spend quality time together, common interests (xbox, cooking, shopping), our families and friends get along great, etc.

 

So
recently, my best friend and I have been talking about how awesome it would be to be in a threesome together. I asked my boyfriend if we could have one, with my best friend. At first he agreed, I was excited. A few moments later, he changed his mind and said it would ruin our relationship. I'
m
happy that he cares about relationship
so
much, but our sex life is kinda beginning to...simmer down.

 

I don't look forward to sex as much as I used to. When him and I DO have sex, I fantasize about the threesome with my best friend. I have known my best friend for over ten years, we are awfully close, been through all types of situations together, made out a few times, etc...
so
no, there's no "jealousy" factor there. I'
m
bi as well,
so
it's hard for me to be jealous of a girl when I'
m
so
attracted to them. My boyfriend was kind of hurt that I would want to share him, but why not? Everyone fantasizes about sexual experiences with other people while in a relationship, why not make it a reality?

 

I have dated a couple guys in the past and have brought up the whole "let's do a threesome!" thing as well, but they also get weirded out and say it's going to ruin things. And when I don't get what I want, I usually leave. I know, I know, not the most sensible thing to do. The boyfriend I'
m
with right now, I can't just do that because I love the guy.

 

I'
m
torn. My libido is high, I value sex but I care about him a lot. I'
m
a part time catalog model to pay off my tuition,
so
I'
m
constantly surrounded by temptation (attractive photographers, male models, etc.). It sucks. What should I do?

 

If you wanna have sex with your best friend then you are gay. Bi = gay, and you should stop dating men and wasting their time w/ your sexual confusion. You like girls so date girls. You aren't relationship material either so stick w/ gay threesomes and leave the heterosexual men and relationships alone.

Posted
You guys are all nuts. You really think OP should stop a 6!!!! year relationship because she fantasizes about a threesome?

 

I ended an 11-year relationship with someone I was not sexually compatible with... There were other reasons as well, but the sex was a big one!

  • Like 1
Posted
Bringing outsiders into the relationship is asking for drama.

 

I actually agree with this, I have done 3 and 4 somes but not as part of a relationship. Danger Will Robinson, Danger.

Posted

Boring sex is a 2 way street you know? if you need to bring reinforcements (read outsiders) to spice up sex, you probably 50% of the problem (at least).

 

My advice, don't do it, it will backfire, if you really need to explore other people/sexuality... break your Relationship and be honest about it.

Posted

kaylan - Thanks for echoing Minka333 and Carrie T. From the rest of your post, all I got was your personal strong dislike towards females who happen to find other females attractive and your preference for monogamous women. Interesting opinions, but none of my business.

And my point was that its silly of you to assume all guys are down for threesomes or are turned on by women who have sex with women. Some guys are turned off by it and your boyfriend may be one of them. No need to think hes weird and questiom him by asking "what guy doesnt want threesomes". Plenty dont. And if they ever do try it, its only with fwb girls theyd never ever date.

  • Like 1
Posted
And my point was that its silly of you to assume all guys are down for threesomes or are turned on by women who have sex with women. Some guys are turned off by it and your boyfriend may be one of them. No need to think hes weird and questiom him by asking "what guy doesnt want threesomes". Plenty dont. And if they ever do try it, its only with fwb girls theyd never ever date.

 

I wanted to see what it was like, did it a few times, walked away. It was OK but it's not something I would work for now. If a couple hot chicks wanted to do it and I was single I would consider it though. Just another thing really.

 

Maybe it's good to get it done and not be obsessed with it if a person is that curious though.

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