tojaz Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 Ok, overly dramatic title just because I thought it sounded funny. I've found myself in an interesting situation and I need some input. An ex (for those I know from S&D, not THE ex) has been messaging me randomly since we broke up this spring. Just something every couple weeks and I had written it off as her just keeping touch in case I might prove to be a handy friend down the road. We never got together to hang out as friends or anything, and she usually didn't even respond if I messaged back, she would just go dark until the next time she felt compelled to say something. On occasion she could be flirty and such, but no real conversation ever developed, I would reply politely and she would vanish just as quickly as she had appeared. This really didn't bother me because I'm not really actively seeking recon, but I decided that I might not exactly be against it at some point in the future should it come around. Plus to my knowledge she is seeing someone. So yesterday she messaged me saying something along the lines of how the autumn colors reminded her of me or some such thing and we conversed via text for awhile and I decided what the heck and asked her if she would like me to say hi since I was taking my nephews out to dinner anyway and she happens to be a server and she says she would love to see me. Like I said, I wasn't expecting anything one way or the other, especially since she is seeing someone. So I show up and it was no different then if any other waitress had been assigned my table, so me and the boys have a nice dinner I pay the check, leave her a nice tip and we leave. Sent her a text to say it was nice to see her and were back to cold and dark again. So what I'm wondering is, since until the last couple years I have been a decade removed from the dating scene, what the heck is going on here? Because I am honestly clueless. TOJAZ
amaysngrace Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 I do that too with my ex. Sometimes I reply to his texts but a lot of times not. It depends on what else I have going on at the time. If he showed up at my job I'd be annoyed at him. But you asked first and she was okay with it so that's weird. Maybe she was just having a bad day?
Minka333 Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 My guess is she is lonely, bored or just plain wondering how you would react to her acts. I wouldn't be surprised if she is also randomly messaging her other exes thinking who will catch her bait. Since you replied politely, maybe that is not the reaction she wants to elicit thus, vanishing again. Just a wild guess... 1
2sunny Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 She enjoys the ego strokes of getting you to respond to her. Next time - don't answer - or only answer once with 3 words or less. She's yanking your chain - but you are ALLOWING it. Stop allowing it. She's not helping you to move forward. Stop wasting time and energy on her bottomless pit of neediness.
River Rain Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 I think she's feeling lonely and knows you'll reply, so she gets the attention she needs at the moment. Hot and cold like that is always a bad sign, especially the ignoring part, shows you aren't important enough to text back, unless it's on her terms. I'd just go no contact from now on, you don't need that in your life. Just my opinion. :-) Oh and the subject line is funny...
Liz2012 Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 Why exactly did you mention the waitress in this? and giving her a tip?? Are you avoiding saying you flirted with her or some such??
River Rain Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 Why exactly did you mention the waitress in this? and giving her a tip?? Are you avoiding saying you flirted with her or some such?? I think his ex was his waitress from what I understood.
Author tojaz Posted October 9, 2012 Author Posted October 9, 2012 Oh and the subject line is funny... Thanx I think his ex was his waitress from what I understood. Thats correct, she had mentioned she was working so we went there for dinner. Most of the replies have been pretty much in line with what i was thinking as well. Not really a huge issue, just curious about the behavior although I have to admit I strangely still felt like dirt when she clicked off. It is what it is. TOJAZ
River Rain Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 I strangely still felt like dirt when she clicked off. It is what it is. TOJAZ Well, that's the whole problem with contact again. It's not always good, sometimes you think you're totally over a person, think you can be on friendly or civil terms, then they pull this kind of stunt and you feel like dirt. No contact is the best way in my opinion. Sorry she made you feel that way, but you're better than that. She was just playing games purposely or out of loneliness, no need to respond in the future. Just move on and live a happy life.
Author tojaz Posted October 9, 2012 Author Posted October 9, 2012 Well, that's the whole problem with contact again. It's not always good, sometimes you think you're totally over a person, think you can be on friendly or civil terms, then they pull this kind of stunt and you feel like dirt. No contact is the best way in my opinion. Sorry she made you feel that way, but you're better than that. She was just playing games purposely or out of loneliness, no need to respond in the future. Just move on and live a happy life. Funny, I'm usually the one that says that! Stuff like this is why i hate dating. TOJAZ
TaraMaiden Posted October 9, 2012 Posted October 9, 2012 Funny, I'm usually the one that says that! ... TOJAZ Yeah. We ALL do that.....
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