radishes Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 My relationship with my ex-boyfriend ended 3 days ago. We had dated for 4 years, granted we broke up twice within those 4 years. I had to pry out of him the fact that he wanted to date around before "settling" and getting married. But he actually expected me to stick around until he found somebody else. So I ended up breaking up with him. I didn't want to be around for that. It has been hurting a lot less since the first day, thoughts of him are still really pervasive and invasive throughout the day. And every morning I'm hit with the new realization that we're done. I've been a little angry lately at how he treated me like that, but I've been maintaining NC and have not done anything crazy to him. Granted I saw him once for a couple minutes when I was grabbing my stuff, but surprisingly, my composure did not crack a bit. I don't want to keep on hurting for somebody that isn't hurting for me. I know that it takes time, and with time it'll heal. But when will accepting the finality of the situation come? So I can move on? I've been keeping myself busy with work and seeing friends, but still, it can only do so much. I loved him so much, and it hurts, knowing that these feelings were not quite as much reciprocated. But I know because of his age, 21, that's just how guys are sometimes, because of their emotional immaturity. It just hurts at night when i'm more idle.
Svet74 Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 I would say its different for everyone. I was depressed for about 10 months after the breakup. But the less u keep contact the better off you are.
suladas Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 Only 3 days? Sorry to say, but chances are it's going to be a while. You seem to be doing very well though for it being so fresh. I'm at nearly 3 months and i'm still dealing with it, mostly the same when i'm at home alone not doing much. I wish I knew when it would get better to.
cerridwen Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 It comes when we really let go. But that's difficult to do when the break-up is still fresh; when the dream of you two is still part of your reality. And it's doubly difficult when the love is still there. The love can be mixed with disappointment, anger, betrayal, shame but that sense of bonding, of connection, keeps people hanging on. Give it more time. The dream may dissolve slowly on its own, or you can actively deconstruct it, stripping it of its magic and its hold over you. It's a sad but empowering thing to do. It hurts as you have may have to revisit humiliating moments and feelings of anger. You may have to truly see the person for who he is, and not who you'd hoped he'd be. You may have to admit the warning signs you chose to ignore. You may have to admit he wasn't as invested as you were---or wasn't capable of being. And when discovered, you really have to absorb these truths; you may have to admit he wasn't who you thought he was at all. That's sometimes scary. And sad. But letting go of the dream and getting a better sense of the true situation, helps us let go and that's when you'll find your acceptance.
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