why the **** do i still think about her? Still struggling!

[winstonsdreams]

Well it's 5 months since the break up, i broke it off with her, i don't know if anyone reads my threads but i came back to her after 2 months to discover she already had a boyfriend, and has now been with him for 3 months! I didn't have anyone lined up or anything when we broke up, i was just tired of her being so needy and clingy.

 

Anyway I assume she is still with her new boyfriend, we have been NC for 2 months, I completely cut her off, blocked on Facebook, deleted her number, i have tried casual dating, had a few hook ups, but nothing to get all excited about. I KNOW she won't contact me because that is how she works.

 

But I still have this feeling of regret, like i can't stop thinking about her, like she is on some ******g pedestal in my mind and i can never do better it's really quite pathetic.

 

Generally you could say on the outside i am doing ok, i work out, keep busy, see friends, see a psychologist once a month, and i don't dare talk to my friends about this anymore.

 

But yeah still struggling this morning thought i would come on here to vent i guess, i just want to not give a **** anymore!!

 

I know i *****d up and all but damn i don't deserve to still be struggling, she is happy and moved on why can't I? It's like i hold this false hope or something, i just want to get over it! Damn why is NC so hard! I just want to forget her already and find someone else! This sucks!

[TaraMaiden]

If you'd found someone to date, and she hadn't, you wouldn't be feeling this way.

You don't miss her as such - you're just offended she managed to move on, and you're jealous she has someone and you don't.

 

Give a true name to what you're feeling, and it's easier to deal with the emotions.

[PlanB123]

yes, mate

 

i just wrote something quite similar. been broken up 3 months and 2 months NC. i just want to not care too. i would love it if my ex had a boyfriend like yours does though. i think that would silence a lot of the anger i feel.

 

i don't really know how to help you. i am in the same boat too. want to let go.

[mgce]

Time, guys. It's a cliche, yes, but it's true.

 

I'm in the same boat, but I have a few months on you guys. I broke up with her exactly a year ago (I believed she needed to learn how to develop her own inner strength). 9 months ago I came back to her and she completely rejected me. We then had a horribly painful few months of interaction before going 100% NC 4 months ago.

 

I'm in *much* better shape than I was 2 months ago. And that's where you'll be 2 months from now. That's the good news. The bad news: I'm still not out of the woods yet, and won't be for a while.

 

So give it time. 2 months is *nothing*. Don't linger, but don't *try* to forget yet, because it's way too early for you. Just live life as it is and accept the good and the bad as it comes.

[winstonsdreams]

Thanks guys, all very useful advice, Tara yes i am definitely jealous, and feel pretty ***t that she moved on so fast, i mean it's none of my business, but i feel worthless at times, like i am a loser who messed up a relationship with the greatest person ever.

 

I just keep thinking there must be something wrong with me because it's taking so long, i have only actually seen her once since the break up, in 5 MONTHS!!!

 

I just hope you are right with regards to time, I have never been this messed up from a break up, this is really hard, i need more time and hopefully i don't care at all. I just hope i don't see or hear from her, i just can't handle it! This forum is the only place i can vent, i really can't burden friends and family anymore with this!

[itsmisterheartbroken]

My friend believe me when I say I know EXACTLY how you feel. Especially the part where you say you know she wont contact you because that's just how she works.

 

I've had talks with others and myself over how this girl was NO GOOD for me, and it all made sense. Yet I still find myself obsessing over her every damn day, every damn hour, practically every damn minute. It's only been one week since I broke up with her, and have gone NC (well not fully, as I still kinda cyberstalk her lol).

 

Why can't she contact me? Why cant she try to fix this? Why cant she change for the better? Most importantly WHY THE F*CK CANT I SHAKE THIS OFF? Whatd i do to deserve this feeling.. I ask myself these questions 24/7. Why am i spending so much time thinking about someone who simply doesnt deserve me?

 

I guess all we can do is wait. I hate it, but that's all. While my ex is out there all nonchalant probably effing another guy, i'm sitting here reminiscing about her.

 

It makes me feel like being so nice is nothing but a curse. We care so much and are stuck with the sh*t end of the stick, while these coldhearted people make off without a worry in the world. Move right in to the next one.

 

I treasure the day I can get through the day without thinking about her.

[winstonsdreams]

itsmisterheartbroken if i can give you some advice it's stay NC, it's the only way you will maintain your sanity hey!

 

I can't believe how i get *****d everytime i have a relationship, i either get dumped or when i break it off i still get hurt, it is totally *****d!!!!!

 

Dude do not wait for her to contact you, if you know it's over it's time to work on yourself, just focus on what you want out of life, and try remember that.

 

Although everything has seemed like a damn chore the last 5 months i think i am slowly getting there, but won't actually fully get over it until i meet someone else, which isn't easy, plus i am not in the frame of mind to meet someone anyway!!! Just take it day by day, i have been through worse than this and i eventually moved on, you can do it too, we all can!

 

But it is the ****s!!!

[River Rain]

i am a loser who messed up a relationship with the greatest person ever.

 

Perspective...instead of continuing to blame yourself, remember why you broke up, you thought she was needy and you didn't like that. It's too easy to forget the reasons why things ended when we get blinded by the what could have been also.

 

And I do think that meeting up with new people does wonders. I've only been broken up a week with nc, and I've already started getting to know some guys on a dating site. It's pleasantly distracting and boosting my confidence, so that I'm not always thinking of my ex.

 

I just keep thinking there must be something wrong with me because it's taking so long

 

There's nothing wrong with you. There's no set time limit for things, you just have to try to move on with absolutely nc, distract yourself and take good care of yourself. I think my ex would be upset if he knew I was already looking for a relationship, but it's not his business anymore. I want love in my life, I don't want hurt and heartache, so I'm doing everything in my power to get it. What can you do to empower yourself to move on?

[winstonsdreams]

Thank you River i guess sometimes i look back at the reason and they don't see justified, although at the time i figured if i didn't do something i was going to have to give up so much just for her. I guess communicating these issues would have helped though!

 

I am just going to keep on with NC, seriously it is a life saver, ignorance really is bliss.

 

I met with an ex last night who i have recently became good friends with again after 2 years of NC & LC. It gives me hope that time does heal. We had a great time, and are still close, to this day she was my longest relationship but we have known each other longer, so it's nice to know that after some time you will be ok again.

 

Thanks for the advice River you do what you feel is right and go and find happiness you deserve it! I know there is someone out there for me, until then i will just continue on my merry little way!

[River Rain]

Great attitude! Now make sure you remember what you just said during those tough times! We can't help having memories and remembering good times, but it's good to remember the bad sometimes too, to put things in perspective. Life is good. You deserve happiness too.

[Sarahbee]

I know how you feel - people think that the person who ended the relationship has it easy, but that's so not true, we hurt just the same! I broke up with my ex because I wasn't getting what I wanted and needed from him, plus he's going away for a year, so I broke up with him for very good and valid reasons. But I still miss him like crazy after 5 weeks and wish that I could have him back. I keep regretting breaking up, and wishing that I'd just talked to him instead, but I doubt that that would have changed anything. He's emotionally unavailable due to being hurt really badly by his ex, and he's also about to be physically unavailable too so if I'd hung in there I would have found myself in an ldr which I don't want.

 

As River says, just try and remember the reasons you broke it off, because they are valid. The fact that she's moved on is tough, but maybe in the long run that will make it easier for you to let go. It's not easy, and it's hard to be strong, but it's true that you won't always feel like this. Try and learn from it so that you'll be more aware of the warning signs next time. I could see them from early on but I chose to ignore them for good reasons at the time. Finally when I was clearer I saw no option but to let him go, and although I miss him I still believe I did the right thing, as if I'd stayed I would have been going through all sorts of stress and anxiety right now as he's about to leave the country.

 

I think the heartbreakers out there are the ones who don't take time to heal their pain from breakups. They go back out there, we take them at face value, but they're actually not capable of loving until they're properly over their own heartbreak. Take the time to heal before you move on to someone who's going to be happy to be with you!

[winstonsdreams]

Sarahbee I am glad you understand how it feels. It actually ******g sucks, and you obviously had valid reasons for ending the relationship too! I think you had every right to do it, a whole year is a very significant amount of time. I once had a girlfriend who had an overseas trip already planned when we met, so we knew we only had 6 months before she left forever. I later heard that she said to her friends if i asked her to stay she would have, but i could never have done that to her, as the trip was her dream.

 

But with my last relationship, I keep on trying to remember the reasons why i broke it off, they are certainly there, but the regret is still there too i guess, because if i had opened my stupid mouth we could have worked on things.

 

ANYWAY she has moved on, which was a kick in the teeth, and just hurts sooooooo much, but a sure sign i have to move on! She just played mental gymnastics with my brain the month after the break up, it hurts to think about what i must have put her through, then for her to suddenly be with someone else, well, whatever!

 

I am trying to take the positives out of the situation, i really did learn so much from this whole experience, so i guess that's a good thing.

 

I will be taking my time before my next relationship, **** going through this anytime soon, i just have so much to offer, I am sure we will all get there!

[Sarahbee]

I know how much it sucks, I'm right there too! I also look back and think that if only I'd talked it through with him rather than broken up, maybe things might have been different. But I know in my heart that they probably wouldn't be. Fact is, when you're breaking up with someone they can try and talk you out of it, and he didn't tell me that I was wrong, or try and get me back. That hurts too, but I also know that he's confused and not very self aware - he feels that he needs to take this job for the money, so he's trying to shove everything else away, including me...he didn't want to break up when he told me he was going, but he also didn't tell me how it would work, so he might have been relieved when I broke it off.

 

Anyway nobody knows what the future holds, and there may come a time when our exes want us back, but we shouldn't wait for that, and I'm totally sure that we'll meet someone else when the time is right. In the meantime work on figuring out what you want and need from a relationship - nothing is wasted if you learn from it!

 

You sound like a nice person with good emotional intelligence. It was right of you not to hold your other gf back from her trip, and shows that you care about people's happiness. You'll love again, you have to believe in love!