Setback..

[Hindsight_is_20_20]

I wasn't sure who to talk to or where to go with this so I decided to come here.

 

I'm really struggling today. It's been a series of events. When things are going even keel in my day to day I'm still sad but it's bearable. I go with the waves, recognizing that it's going to hurt but that eventually my mindset will get a bit stronger as the days go on.

 

Today it's been a rollercoaster of events with different people that made me completely break down.

 

First off, this morning I woke up to go to church (this is a new thing I'm doing, it's helping although I've never been religious in the past, but being around positive people and a positive atmosphere has given me better perspective on things). Anyways, while I was getting ready I saw a text from my best friend. Her and I have been going through a very similar breakup and have been each others pillar of strength for the past 4-5 months now. She texted me this morning with "he just called me and I'm going to pick him up". I was shocked to say the least. This guy just completely up and abandoned her and she hasn't seen him since (her breakup was a bit of awhile back, about a year I think). The text message was from 3 am but I saw the message at 9 and called her. Of course no answer. She texts me back an hour later saying "he's here, I'll call you later". I don't know why but my heart just sank when I read that. And the more that I think about it, it's really because I'm jealous of the situation. I hate to admit that but it's true. She did all the things I haven't done - called him nonstop, she texts him all the time. Most of the time he doesn't respond and then when he does it's usually a "?" or something short and uncaring. I haven't reached out to my ex once since our breakup almost 5 months ago. And he hasn't reached out to me either. I would constantly advise her to stop reaching out to him, that he's never coming back, that she shouldn't want him to come back and now he's at her house. After ALL THIS TIME!! and doing everything the opposite of what I have been doing. I feel like I've now lost my main pillar of support, and on top of that I'm questioning myself. I know somewhere deep down that I deserve better than my ex. I know that. Why can't I really feel it?

 

Secondly, I reactivated my facebook a few weeks ago. Everyone that is related to my ex whatsoever is deleted. Or so I thought. Apparantly, his sister is now dating a friend of mine. They just became facebook official today. I had no idea. Even seeing HER picture gave me anxiety. I was out to breakfast with my dad and another friend and I felt like my world caved in and got dark. His sister broke up with her boyfriend about 2 months before my ex broke up with me. Somehow the correlation between her getting into a new relationship now and brought the reality of my ex with another girl, in another relationship into reality and I just lost it.

 

I've been crying non-stop for the last few hours and can't reach out to my friend because she's now hanging out with her ex. Hitting rock bottom, or what feels like it right now. I'm missing him even when I just so badly want to not care about him anymore.

 

Is this normal? Can anyone relate? How do I get past this?

[a.b]

Sounds to me like you are the stronger one in this friendship.

 

You said deep down you know you can do better? Then I say stay strong and do what you need to do. Everyone's situation and relationships are different and there is no guarantee that had you copied your friend it would have worked out like that.

 

Be strong pal! Your friend has to follow her own path at the end of the day, and just because she has gone back to her ex doesn't mean you should suddenly do so, nore should it mean she should not be around to support you.

 

Good luck!

 

(God it's easier to give out advice then take it!)

[NavyAirTraffic]

I'd like to hear the end of your friends story, which I'm sure is yet to come. I'm just going to take a guess, but as TaraMaiden always says, these are just breadcrumbs he's giving her. I'm interested to see your friends state in a couple days.

 

As far as you, you need to realize this is a wave of emotion, a typhoon if you will. I can relate, same happened to me 2 days ago all day crying/tears/no focus. No matter what you read here on LS, it prob won't reduce the wave right now. You need to ride it out!!!

 

Try for a second to think of what could/would happen if you called him? 4 scenarios.

 

1.) he doesn't answer

2.) he answers and isn't nice

3.) he answers and is nice but wants to remain apart

4.) he is wowed and wants you back

 

25% chance of desired outcome, and that number prob isn't correct because you I know it's the least likely. Why do that to yourself, how big will the setback be? Take a tiny step back and understand your emotions are taking over right now, embrace that. No amount of convincing will change that right now, but just consciencely realizing it makes it have a different feel. I know anything anyone says won't help, I'm just trying to give you ideas.

[Svet74]

I wouldnt be too jelous of the friend. Because he is prob throwing breadcrumbs and most likely they will break up again and she will go back to NC. Your ex seems like a good guy since he hasnt reached out. He is the type that will call only if he wants you back. The ones that dont know what they want, keep contacting their exes and its a back and forth thing. Had it happen to me for a yr before I finally told the guy to seriously leave me a lone. and i know he will keep trying. Trust me the stress and emotional pain of an ex is not worth it. I could have met and been with someone new by then. You will be ok, dont let your friends situation get to you

[Hindsight_is_20_20]

Thank you for the replies.

 

My friend called. She picked him up, he came over, they had sex, she dropped him off. Apparantly, he moved to New York (we live in California) but was here for a work meeting for a few days. He said he'll Skype her tomorrow. She's okay right now, but I'll try to keep an update on what happens from here.

 

I know better than to want her situation. I know if he cared he wouldn't have left in the first place or acted that way he did to her. I just told her that I hope that she is okay and that if it were me, I wouldn't get my hopes up with anyone that unstable. She agreed.

 

I won't reach out to my ex. I just miss him. But the feeling isn't mutual and it isn't my place to reach out to him. Sometimes I just fantasize that he will. This just sucks..

[NavyAirTraffic]

Thank you for the replies.

 

My friend called. She picked him up, he came over, they had sex, she dropped him off. Apparantly, he moved to New York (we live in California) but was here for a work meeting for a few days. He said he'll Skype her tomorrow. She's okay right now, but I'll try to keep an update on what happens from here.

 

I know better than to want her situation. I know if he cared he wouldn't have left in the first place or acted that way he did to her. I just told her that I hope that she is okay and that if it were me, I wouldn't get my hopes up with anyone that unstable. She agreed.

 

I won't reach out to my ex. I just miss him. But the feeling isn't mutual and it isn't my place to reach out to him. Sometimes I just fantasize that he will. This just sucks..

 

That happened to me 1 week ago, she called we had sex, we talked. I slept well that night for the first time since she left. She called the next day alright, but called to tell me she couldn't see/talk to me anymore. I'm right back to square 1.

 

I'm sorry to say this but she is headed down that same road, I'm sorry for you because you'll be the shoulder she cries on. You're strong, stronger than me. I take encouragement from what you say. It's not our place to contact them, you're right, we didn't make that decision. Keep us updated.