I can't stop thinking about my vacation affair even though he lied!

[Baileycat]

I am married almost 4 years (in my early 30's) but not in the happiest relationship and would never think I would have an affair! Please forgive me if this is a bit lengthy but I feel I need to tell the whole story.

 

Earlier this summer I went on a girls trip to a "beach" destination for 4 days with my 4 best friends. On our second day while partying at our hotel pool we meet a group of 7 guys. We all immediately hit it off and spent the rest of the day together at the pool partying and were invited to go on their chartered boat the next day. Right away I immediately noticed one of the guys in particular and was attracted to him and felt like he was into me as well. We made a lot of eye contact and started hanging out.

 

After several hours of talking at a near by beach bar we snuck off to kiss. I could not believe this was happening! I was so attracted to him and felt on cloud nine! As a group we all decided to go up and shower and go out that night on the town to dinner and dancing. At dinner we couldn't keep our hands off each other we kept sneaking off pretending to go to the bathroom so we could go somewhere and make out. I told him that I was embarresed because my friends had no idea that I was unhappy in my marriage and I did not want them to know we were sneaking off together.

 

We only made it to the first bar for about an hour when he asked me to leave with him to go back to the hotel and his suite. Reluctant at first to go but emotions came over me and I left with him. We spent the evening back at his suite talking, laughing, and fooling around (no actual sex). It was so great I had the best time ever and did not want it to end! At some point during the evening we were discussing our personal life and since I wore my wedding ring he knew I was married. I asked him if he was and he stated he had never been married. ( I bring this up now because it will be relevant later).

 

The next day we spent the entire day on the boat having a great time. My friends did not even seem to care that I never came back to our room the night before! That evening we were all suppose to meet to go out to dinner and dancing again. When we went back to our room he followed me and insisted that I just get my things and stay with him. Of course I did not refuse and basically "moved in" to his suite for the night. We ended up completely ditching all of our friends and going out to a romantic dinner. After dinner we ended up having sex in his suite all night and again in the morning when we woke up.

 

During our whole time together he told me things I have not heard from my husband in a while. He said I was beautiful and sexy and wished I was single so he could fly me out to see him every weekend. I was in "ah", I wondered if I meet my sole mate on this trip! We spent so much time talking and getting to know each other and had so much in common.

 

The morning I woke up was the day I was leaving. I felt so sick inside I did not want to go home. He gave me his email information and asked me to send him my contact information the next day and he would respond. I did just that the very next day and told him I had the best time and even though I was married I wanted to see him again. He told me on our trip that he came out to where I live quite often for business. He immediately responded and said although he wanted to see me as well he was "hesitant" to do so because of "my situation"

 

I felt like someone pulled my guts out I was so depressed! He said he would call me at the office later in the week and we would discuss it further. He did call and we had good conversation and discussed possibly getting together again either in my city or his but I sensed hesitation in his voice. I told him I was not happy in my marriage and hoped he would still want to see me. He said he would extend a business trip he had in a few weeks and we would talk soon.

 

Well after 2 weeks of waiting I got no response. I sent him our vacation pictures via the internet and even called and left a cell phone message for him. Nothing. Feeling both hurt and anger I wondered why he was so concerned about "my situation". I decided to do a little internet research. Knowing his full name and approximately where he lived, I paid $20 to a web-detective site and discovered that he was married too! Well I don't have a copy of his marriage license but the home he owns shares title with a women close in age and same last name! Plus the mortgage is in both their names.

 

Also I started thinking of various things he told me on the trip and how I could now relate this to him being married. One of my friends on the trip told me that one of his friends made a comment when we were not there. He said that "I did not believe M was looking for a relationship right now". I felt so hurt that he lied to me about being married! He knew I was why would he just not admit he was!

 

Well you think I would have enough sense to back away but I decided I needed to contact him again I still could not stop thinking about him. This was now 3 weeks ago today. I sent him an email saying in so many words that "I did not mean to scare" him when we spoke on the phone but I hope we could at least be friends and maybe just meet for a cocktail when he came to town on regular business. He did finally respond saying he was sorry for going "MIA" on me but was still so "uncomfortable" with our "situation". He said that he would like to be friends too and to meet for a drink would be great. He had a couple of trips out to my city in the next few weeks and that as soon as he knew his itinerary he would let me know.

 

As I said that was 3 weeks ago and I have heard nothing from him. I can't help but feeling depressed about this. Every part of my rational side says he was married and freaked out about getting caught and does not want to see me or I would have heard from him by now. Then my dumb side says "well maybe he just hasen't had any trips here yet". I am so confused because I want to see him again just once more. I want to know if there was something really there or if I am just living in a dream.

 

Most of my girlfriends say forget him he lied to you anyway. One girlfriend in particular says just email him and see what is up? I really don't know what to do? I have a trip out to the city of where he lives in about 3 weeks with my business partner and I would love to see him. I keep thinking I should wait and contact him before my trip and see if he responds? I am so confused about everything right now.

 

On a final note my husband and I are separated. It was long overdue and I'm not sure if I want to be with him. You would think I would be focused on my separation and not my affair.

 

I thank anyone who took the time to read my wordy story and who would like to give me some advise. I don't want to be the "OW" but why can't I forget this guy!!!

[honey2005]

Well I'm glad you and your husband are seperated. That was a pretty crumby thing to do to him, but at least he's out of the picture and not getting hurt now.

I'm not sure if I want to be with him.

Well, obviously not.

 

About the other guy, I would definitely forget about him. 1.) He knew you were married but slept with you anyway. What kind of guy would do that? and 2.) He lied to you. You were at least honest with him and told him you were married. What difference would it have made if he had told you the same thing? I don't think you should start calling him and asking him to tell you what's up. If he wanted you to know, he would tell you, and if he wanted to be with you, he would contact you. I think you should move on. If you think you still love your husband, maybe you should try to patch that up. It will take ALOT of work, and alot of soul searching on his part. What you did to him was pretty harsh. But if you want it to work, you have to try. If you don't want to be with him, move on. I think what you had with the guy on the trip meant so much to you because he was giving you the attention your husband hadn't given to you in so long. The newness made you feel good, but even if you did have a relationship with him, don't you think the newness would wear off? Good luck in whatever you do.

[tanbark813]

Wait.. so.. You cheated on your husband while on vacation, spent most of said vacation in this other guy's suite, and on top of that went on to pursue something with him after the vacation. And after all that, you're going to make a moral judgment call on him for lying?? Besides, this other guy not only slept with a woman he knew was married, but also cheated on his own wife. Is it really that big a shocker that he lied to you too? It's been my experience that people who cheat aren't the most honest bunch. I think both of these guys will have better lives not being in contact with you.

 

 

Oh, and it's "soul mate", not "sole mate".. lol...

[Mr Spock]

Whatever Tanbark, she did the honest thing and left her husband.

 

Anyways, Baileycat, I think you really need to focus on yourself. It's time for some "me" time. I think that you need to get out and MEET people. This vacation man is a sleaze. Cut off all contact with him. Why would you want to be friends or lovers with someone who doesn't adore you?

[Baileycat]

About the other guy, I would definitely forget about him.

 

You are so right I need to completely forget him. I believe the newness would definately wear off. The more I think about it the more of an jerk he is. However I would be the bigger jerk if I keep emailing him.