Would you revisit dating someone who had lost weight, if you weren't attracted before

[Emilia]

It's the truth. To me dating someone on physical appearance is shallow. Beauty fades, but personality is what lasts. You can learn to like someones physical appearance, but you can't get past an ugly personality.

 

Attraction in every case is more complicated than looks only or personality only. You can show a person identical twins and once they start talking to each twin separately, that person is likely to be more attracted to one more than the other.

 

I don't have a type as such but there are physical features that I prefer. However, I need to have a feel for someone's personality in order to have attraction for them. It's the full package. I've dated a great variety of men in terms of looks but both the exterior as well as the interior have always been important.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Yes, I also have to start talking to someone - there has to be a certain vibe and easy flow of "getting each other".

 

I do rule out men based on appearance alone so there has to be both.

[Minka333]

If a person didn't accept me at my worst, then i don't think they deserve me at my best.

[ascendotum]

If a person didn't accept me at my worst, then i don't think they deserve me at my best.

 

I wonder if a man has ever said this?

[Emilia]

If a person didn't accept me at my worst, then i don't think they deserve me at my best.

 

I think that's a bit much to expect from a complete stranger who has had a handful of dates with someone at best.

[yongyong]

I saw this phrase from several girls profile on OLD.

 

They all look retarded. NORMAL happy girls who take care of themselves don't say such things.

 

So I can expect someone just accept my worst situation? (not taking care of myself physically, have problems with my emotion, unemployed etc)

 

Is the relationship about sacrificing yourself for someone?

 

why don't you be the one who sacrifice? go out, pick the person in worse situation than you. help him/her to be a better person. then you deserve to be with that person.

 

You don't want to work on yourself but expect others to understand it and embrace it.

I look down on those people worse than a fly.

 

 

If a person didn't accept me at my worst, then i don't think they deserve me at my best.

[oaks]

If a person didn't accept me at my worst, then i don't think they deserve me at my best.

 

That sort of thing might work if your best is as good as Marilyn's...

[phineas]

20lbs doesn't seem that much but I understand the concept.

 

If a girl I knew used to be fat and I run into her again and now she's unfat, I would definitely consider dating her. I wouldn't hold her past against her.

 

BTW, the general idea can apply to both men and women.

 

People who are in shape & don't worry about gaining / losing weight have no concept of how much fat people actually carry on their body.

 

He probably lost more than 20lbs or he he stores fat in his face & that 20lbs made his jaw line appear.

[phineas]

That depends how/why they lost weight in the first place.

 

I can see why you're put off yoyo dieters or those who only lose weight for short-term goals such as a wedding coming up or a holiday (they always regain weight), but I don't think it's fair to tar those who have lost weight to genuinely change their lives with the same brush. Someone who's worked hard to lose weight gradually through hard exercise and healthy eating over the course of several months or even years is hardly likely to start gorging on junk food and sit on the couch all day as soon as they get a new partner.

 

That being said if I used to be really fat and lost a load of weight, it would never be something I would shout from the roof tops, it's not really something a prospective partner needs to know anyway.

 

I admit, I don't jump at women that lose a ton of weight because most of them do it wrong by starving themselves & gain it back within a yr.

 

I spent the last yr hovering around the same weight & the 2 yrs before that steadily losing the 100lbs to get me where I am now.

at 5'8" 100lbs is a significant change in appearance.

 

Anyone I date will see pictures of me with my kids. I'm not going to destroy those pics because i'm fat in them.

 

It's going to come out no matter what that I was once a fat-bastard.

[phineas]

I saw this phrase from several girls profile on OLD.

 

They all look retarded. NORMAL happy girls who take care of themselves don't say such things.

 

So I can expect someone just accept my worst situation? (not taking care of myself physically, have problems with my emotion, unemployed etc)

 

Is the relationship about sacrificing yourself for someone?

 

why don't you be the one who sacrifice? go out, pick the person in worse situation than you. help him/her to be a better person. then you deserve to be with that person.

 

You don't want to work on yourself but expect others to understand it and embrace it.

I look down on those people worse than a fly.

 

YES! This line along with "if you think you can keep up with me" (WTF does that even mean) make me go when I read it in a profile.

[curlygirl40]

Wow, I go away from the computer for a day and this thread blows up. Love it.

 

Lots of great answers and great perspectives, thanks!!!

 

About me. I'm probably about 20 lbs overweight. I run 3x a week. I run 5K's, I run 10K's. About 4-5 a year.

 

I carry it well (so I think). I wear a size 10 Levi Jean, no muffin top. Can tuck in shirts and wear a belt, to give you a picture. Curvy in the good way. Hippy, busty (36G, ugh!!), small ish waist. Most of the men I meet OLD want to see me again.

 

But there was this one guy who I am hung up on. I don't know for sure if that was why he didn't want to see me again but I strongly suspect.

 

So it made me think of this and thought I would post and see what your reactions are.

 

In the long run, I want someone who likes me for me. I have weighed the same for years, but I do want to drop that weight by Christmas just because I know it would make me feel better.

 

Then I got to thinking if I would bother reaching out to that guy again. And if he was all of a sudden interested how it would make me feel. Probably pretty crummy actually.

 

Thanks again for your input!!